Page 47 of Loving Jamie

“I understand what you mean. Dishing out pain isn’t really my kink either, but it's something that Jamie wants to enjoy again at some point, so when the time comes, we will communicate everything to Jamie and make him aware of his free will to use his safe words.”

So, with William's guidance I’m hoping that tonight will be amazing for Jamie, he deserves to have a night where he can get out of his head.

After watching crappy television for half an hour, I decide I need to do something more productive, like maybe clearing out my mum's old bedroom. Since her arrest I closed her bedroom door and left it the fuck alone.

I walk into the kitchen and grab a couple of black bin bags, a tub of cleaning products as well as a pair of rubber gloves and walk towards the bedroom door.

My hands shake as I reach for the handle, like I’m expecting my piss head mother to be standing behind the door; a bottle of cheap wine in her hand.

Just open the door, Justin.

Fuck. I can’t do this.

I rush back to the kitchen and put all the cleaning supplies back, I rip the rubber gloves off my sweaty hands and shove them back under the sink.

My heart beats way too fast in my chest as I pace around the house.

The kitchen where mum used to throw mugs at my father, and a toddler aged Jude would walk through the shards of ceramic pieces, causing his tiny feet to bleed.

The living room where mum would flip the coffee table and hurl the television remote at Jude when hepesteredher for attention.

The hallway where mum once pushed a twelve-year-old Jude down the stairs; he lost a front tooth and fractured his collarbone.

Jude’s bedroom, where she sat on top of his sleeping body and strangled him before beating him over the head with his laptop when he tried to escape.

I step further into Jude’s bedroom and everything looks the same, but also so different. Dust has settled on all the surfaces, and the air is stale. It’s been a couple of months since Jude moved into Nate's place and he’s only been back to the house a handful of times, but he’s never stepped foot back into this room.

I understand why he’d never want to see this room ever again. Things are clean-ish, since I was the one to sort through the room and bag up Jude’s belongings for him.

When Jude and Nate sent me from the hospital all those months ago, I was supposed to spend the time catching up on some much-needed sleep. But I spent hours cleaning this bedroom. I bagged up the bedding, unsure if I could dispose of it or if the police needed it for evidence. Turns out they didn’t need it so it was left with me to deal with.

Luckily, I managed to buy some clinical waste bags off of Amazon as well as some hospital grade cleaning products.

So, I spent hours scrubbing my younger brother's blood from the room. But as I look down at the floor, I can still see the stains on the carpets.

It needs to go. It all needs to go.

I stand up on wobbly legs and make my way downstairs to grab a Stanley knife from the tool box underneath the sink. I push the blade out and use my fingertip to lightly touch the sharp side, noticing the blade is slightly dull but I’m sure it’ll rip through the carpet easily enough.

Once back upstairs, I shut Jude’s bedroom door behind me, even though no one else is here I want the privacy.

Starting in the corner of the room, I drop to my knees and begin slicing, the carpet is easily over twenty years old so it rips fairly effortlessly. Dirt and dust huffs into the air with each pull, but it doesn’t take long before I roll up the first section and dump it on top of the mattress.

I leave the stained part of the floor till last, knowing that the blood has probably seeped through onto the floor boards. I probably should have worn gloves but I know if I leave the room, I won’t be able to force myself back in to finish the job.

I squat over the tainted floor and begin sawing through the carpet. And just as I thought, as soon as I roll the carpet, I see the puddle of dried blood. I was expecting it but my head still starts to spin as my mouth fills with spit.

Slowly standing up I make sure to breathe through my mouth as I start rolling up the carpet and dump it with the rest on the bed.

Rushing back down the stairs, I quickly scrub my hands before grabbing a bottle of white vinegar from the kitchen cupboard. I fill the washing up bowl with some cold water and mix in the vinegar, I grab a fresh washing up brush and carry my things back upstairs.

I’m a bit unsure if the mixture of vinegar and water is strong enough to remove the stain, but it’s the only thing I have at hand, so once again I drop to my knees and start scrubbing at the floor.

I scrub until my body is covered in sweat and my hands burn from squeezing so tightly. But eventually the dark red stain starts to slowly disappear.

Chapter 27 –

William

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