Page 22 of The Broken Aztec Princesses

Bells didn’t ask for help easily. She was stubborn that way. The fact that she asked was enough to let me know she was barely keeping herself above water. I wished I was stronger for her, but staying here by myself... I wasn’t that strong. I pulled herinto a hug, surprising her for a moment before I felt her strong arms embracing me. I tried to hold back the tears, but they fell anyway.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered to her.

“Never apologize for putting your healing first. You understand me?” she told me sternly, pulling back and making me look her in the eye. I felt my lip quivering and I could only nod in response. “Do you want to have dinner with us or would you rather eat in your room?”

“My room, please. I’m tired.”

Bells gave me another hug, then escorted me back to the guest bedroom.

“I’ll be back in a little while with your plate,” she told me before she left. I sat on the bed and looked around. I shouldn’t have unpacked, I guess.

I heard footsteps approaching, but they stopped a few feet from my door. A door opened and shut and I guessed it must be Cory or Evie. The door opened a few minutes later, and then I heard speaking.

“Hey, Chris is willing. Did you talk to her?” Cory said.

“I did, but she almost had a panic attack. It won’t work. She only feels safe with you,” my sister answered, making me feel worse.

“Sorry, Bells. I can stay a few extra days if you want,” Cory replied.

“No, it’s fine. I’ve been managing. I can figure it out.”

I went to bed that night thinking about their words. The following morning, I stayed in my room until it was time for my appointment with Dr. Campbell. I told her about how I was feeling and what happened yesterday.

“What should I do?” I asked her, already knowing she wouldn’t tell me, but a part of me always hoped she would take pity onme, and just tell me how to fix myself. I was over the whole fix-yourself thing. I just wanted to feel whole and unafraid again.

“You know that’s not how it works, Violet,” she replied as expected.

“Well, why can’t it? Clearly, I don’t know the fucking answer, or I wouldn’t be asking. You’re paid to fix me, so tell me, how do I get fixed?” I exploded. I didn’t even try not to curse this time. I needed her to understand how I was feeling, thorns and all.

“There is no fixing you, because you’re not broken, Violet. You’ve been through something traumatic, and you’re dealing with it the best way you know how. I’m here to give you tools to help you manage your trauma better. You can’t escape what happened to you or how you feel now. You have to deal with it head-on, and learn to live with the knowledge that it happened and it’s now a part of your experiences. Your trauma is not something that goes away. It’s a part of you. What you do is learn how to live with it, and control your active responses to it. Learn how to deal with the fear that it will happen again, and you will learn to lead a more normal life. Closer to what you had before it happened than what it is now.”

“But it could...” My lip was quivering, and I looked over at the closed door. I was safe when everyone was on the other side of the door. That was my only guarantee.

“Yes. You’re right. It’s always a possibility. The world is nothing but possibilities and fears, and that makes it a scary place that you are learning to be a part of again. You went through this once before. When you were little and were afraid of the dark or the monsters in the closet. The only difference is Alpha Markus can’t look under the bed for you and show you there is no monster. You have to look for yourself.”

“So, you're saying I should stay?” I asked.

“How did you feel when you pushed yourself to go to your sister?” she asked instead of giving me the answer.

“Good.”

“And why did you do it?”

“Because she needs me.”

“And does she still need you?”

“Yes.”

The fact that she asked me to stay was proof enough of how much she needed me.

“Do you believe she will judge you if you tell her you’re not ready yet?” Dr. Campbell asked and I didn’t even have to wonder.

“No. She told me to prioritize my healing.”

“So then, what would you like to do? What do you think will help you heal?”

“I want to stay. I want to help my sister and I want to not be so afraid,” I answered, feeling the tears leaving my eyes because I wasn’t sure if either of those things were achievable.

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