Page 67 of Necromancers Don't Raise

I raised a brow. “I never hired you, and I never will.”

“Yes, but all the same, I am your lawyer, and Retta is your bodyguard. It’s all explained in the papers.”

“I refuse to accept anything from Mr. Good, including people. Especially people. I’m not touching that computer or his papers. Now that we got that straightened out, Bones will escort you out. Gently,” I added when Bones looked a little too happy about that prospect.

“You’ll need a bodyguard,” Retta said, sidestepping away from Bones. “You’re good with your guns, and you’re fast with your fingers, but you’ll have to hide here forever if you don’t want Mr. Good’s enemies to skin you alive.”

I gave her a stiff smile. “I would never hire a bodyguard who had feelings towards my…” What was Mercury to me? We were courting. That was like dating. Which meant going out, and not with a goblin bodyguard breathing down my neck. I was dressed for going out.

Retta grinned, showing her pointed teeth. “It was a passing fancy, although if I thought he’d ever bend in my direction…”

I bared my teeth at her and pulled a gun. The holsters had fit so nicely beneath my bouclé jacket. “Bones will escort you both out, now!”

Apricots smiled slightly as Bones grabbed his shoulder and dragged him towards the door, rumpling his dark blue silk suit. “If you wish. We are still yours. If you should need assistance in any way, you have only to summon me with a drop of your blood. Retta can’t be summoned like that, as she has no demon in her, but I can connect you easily enough. It is my pleasure to serve.”

“That’s not going to happen. I’d rather die than get embroiled in Mr. Good’s business. There is nothing that could induce me to be involved in any way. I only went to see him to get answers about my death. He had absolutely no help for me. He’s a demon. You make a deal with him, but it ends up blowing up in your face.”

The lawyer dug in his heels while he smiled, showing teeth such white teeth. “Mr. Good is a demon at heart without any of the blood. Be glad that he is playing a gentle game with you as he wants you willing.” He bowed again, awkward from that position with Bones dragging him by the shoulder, then he twisted out of Bones’s grasp and left the kitchen, Retta at his heels. I’d expected him to disappear in a puff of sulphurous smoke, but no, he probably didn’t want to get his expensive silk suit smelly. Rumpled was bad enough.

I sat down in the chair at the table and then noticed the pile of hot waffles. I brightened up as I put three on my plate and used too much butter and drizzling syrup.

“Do you like the waffles? Master made them for you.”

I hesitated with the fork at my lips and then took that huge bite of the three stack in my mouth. I froze when the flavor exploded on my tongue. Mercury had made these? They werea mix of sawdust and hot peppers that had me sputtering and reaching for the glass of orange juice. I gulped that bite down and then gagged when the juice’s flavor knocked me sideways. So bitter! At least the waffles were sweet.

I pushed back the waffles and looked up at Bones, trying not to grimace, but my tongue was still curling from the taste of the juice. Not orange. “Mercury made me breakfast? Did you help at all?”

“No, Mistress. Master made everything for you out of this old cookbook he has, you see?” He handed me a very old cookbook with batter freshly smeared across the cover. I opened it and looked through to find old English instructions for curing common human ailments. The recipe for waffles was marked, but it was for pancakes, probably because waffles weren’t invented yet, and it was for the prevention and treatment of the common cold.

I started to smile at the image of Mercury, the dark sorcerer, working on some health elixirs for the live human girl he was courting. This is what courting meant to him? Philip would have ordered me a million roses or commissioned something for me, but this was so much sweeter, so much more personal.

I smiled up at Bones and closed the book. “I’ll have to go to the bookstore and get him a more updated health cookbook. It couldn’t have been easy for him to find great-horned owl claw powder.” I took a bite of the waffles, chewed thoroughly, and then swallowed a quick gulp of the juice while I tried to avoid any contact with my tongue. I started getting rough towards the end, but I powered through. I wasn’t going to let Mercury think I didn’t appreciate his efforts. I did. So much, but I was definitely getting him a more palatable cookbook in the very near future.

“Where is he?” I asked, standing up.

Bones studied my empty plate. “Are you still hungry? There are more waffles.”

“No, I am completely full, thank you. Where’s the Master?”

“Ah. He’s out.”

“Out where?”

“On business, I believe. Magical.”

“Magical business? What does that mean?”

He shifted uncomfortably, then clapped his hands while his eyes brightened. “It means that he’s going to meet you for dinner tonight at a very fine restaurant. I’m to drive you. But we have a few hours before then. Is there anything you’d like to do? Master has made it clear that you aren’t to leave the house today, so the bookstore will have to come to you. He has left his computer for you to use, to order from. Have you seen the online book stores? There are some very good ones.” He pulled out the black credit card, pressing it on me. He seemed slightly anxious, like I might not like the idea of being trapped in Mercury’s mansion with him.

I smiled brightly. “A laptop is exactly what I want. Thank you so much, Bones. And we’re going to dinner? The three of us?”

“Not me, Mistress. I don’t eat human food, and the restaurant will be very human. The Master wanted to make sure you’d be comfortable. He said something about making up for the waffles. What did he mean by that?”

I almost giggled, but held it back. “I have no idea how anything could make up for how lovely they were. I’m quite sure I won’t have any negative effects from my little swim after eating such a healthy breakfast. Where’s the laptop?”

It was in his laboratory. I was apparently allowed to go there without him. At least the shadows didn’t stop me, so I climbed the stairs, feeling nervous and like I was trespassing, but I really did need to do some serious research, right now.

When I got to the creepy carved door, I hesitated, but the thing swung in without me touching it, welcoming me as much as a creepy door could welcome someone.

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