Page 39 of Choose the Bears

I didn’t want this. I didn’t want to know where this woman’s office was because I had no intention on using it. Instead, I just stared at this Elodie as she ushered me inside a very nice room, complete with big comfy couches I could’ve sank into if I sat down on them.

But I wouldn’t.

What I needed was right there back in the gym.

When I walked in, I didn’t know what I’d see. Everyone seemed to treat Asher like he was a ticking time bomb, but it was only when I saw him work the bag that I understood it. That power, the way his fists smashed so hard into the heavy punching bag it virtually jumped on the chain it was hanging from. That should have terrified me, the way Asher picked up Phil and tossed him like a doll, but it didn’t. It really, really didn’t.

That’s why I touched him. Asher was a fire I wanted to warm my hands on, an amulet to bring me strength. His anger, his ferocity it was what I needed, not Kyle’s and Lucas’ gentleness.

Because it was the only externalisation I saw of the fury that raged in me.

“I don’t need a shrink,” I told Elodie.

“That’s OK.” She seemed utterly unfazed by everything, including what was happening in the gym. Her butt was perched on the edge of her desk as she regarded me. “Some people don’t. My job is just to make sure you know where you can get help from if you want it, and…”

Her expression was serene, kind, but her eyes set me on edge. It felt like they peeled me back in layers, like an onion, and I didn’t want that. What simmered inside me… It made sense when I was watching Asher, but here? I was being messy. Mike coming to work and making a scene. Phil attacking me. I just wanted to push it all behind me and move on.

Maybe with Asher.

When I blinked, I saw it again, the way his chest heaved. I’d never stood before a man so big, and when he was shirtless? Every damn muscle was popping, making clear just how powerful he was. It hit me like a punch to the gut, something I thought had just died.

Attraction.

Of course I lifted a hand. I couldn’t stop following the drops of sweat rolling down his chest, so I traced one with my finger. His skin felt hot, so hot, threatening to burn me alive. And I just wanted to step into his arms and see how hot he could get me, something I think he wanted too, right up until Elodie arrived. My eyes narrowed slightly as I stared back at the woman, noting the gold and diamond band on her wedding finger.

“To make sure you’re OK,” she finished finally.

“I’m fine, so…” I started for the door, but she followed me.

“You’ve been through something traumatic,” she said. “Sometimes that can stick with you. If you’re have intrusive thoughts, memories of what happened.” Like somesubterranean beast, something shifted inside me then, but I pushed it back down. I’d grown really good at that. “Then you know my door is open.”

“Right. Thanks.”

I was being rude, but I couldn’t seem to stop doing that, pulling away from her quicker than I had Phil. Not sure where I was going, I just walked down the hallway. I could hear muffled voices, mothers talking to their children, kids talking to their siblings, but no adult voices, until she appeared.

“All done?” Ursula walked up toting a pile of clothes and towels. “And you survived Asher when he was in a mood. Damn, girl, you must have magic powers or something. If I walked in there, my brother would bite my head off. Now, sleep or something to eat and then sleep?”

“Ahh…” I shook my head, barely having thought about either until now. “Sleep, I think.”

“Got you a sandwich for later.” She waved a plastic blister pack with a sandwich inside it. “Just in case you’re hungry, but you are…” The woman walked along the hall, then stopped at one door, opening it with the swipe of a card. “Here.”

When I walked into the room, I saw exactly what I’d been looking for when I moved out of the place I shared with Mike.

It could’ve looked just like a hotel room. Bland walls, nondescript paintings, muted coloured curtains and carpet, and while some of that was true, little touches had been added to make the place seem more homey.

The bed had a metal frame that had been whitewashed then sanded a little to reveal the base below. The old timey look of it, complete with lots of joints and fittings, made it look unique rather than the usual cookie cutter bed frame. A nubby, multicoloured bedspread had been flicked over the mattress, and piles of pillows of various colours and textures mounded at the head. A small rug that looked like it’d been made fromrug scraps was set on the floor, and there was what looked like an antique dressing table on the other end of the room, also whitewashed and distressed looking. Ursula walked over and dumped her load of fabric onto the wingback chair in the corner.

“Bathroom is in here.” She opened an adjoining door. “It’s stocked with the same toiletries everyone uses, but if there’s something else you need, just let me know.”

“Whatever you’ve got will be fine.”

Ursula nodded slowly.

“You feeling weird?” Her gaze was as searching as Elodie’s, but there was something else there. Experience, I quickly realised. “Off centre. Not bad and that’s hard, because everyone is making such a fuss and you can’t work out why?” I blinked, staring into her eyes, and she smiled. “It’s OK. I’m sure El gave you the big ‘you can always come to me’ thing, and trust me, she’s really good at what she does, but sometimes…”

Her smile faded and something real rose instead. Part of her peered out and recognised a part of me. and that wasn’t an entirely comfortable experience. I felt vulnerable and safe all at the same time, and neither state were ones I was very familiar with. “Sometimes you just need the company of fellow travellers on the road.”

She reached over and gave my shoulder a squeeze.

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