Page 165 of Choose the Bears

“I’m gonna need a better reason than that to tackle a bloody shopping centre,” I replied.

“Because I said so.”

Holly used the mum reverse Uno card on me and that had me shaking my head.

“We are not going dildo shopping again,” I said.

“Again?” Jane said faintly.

“Absolutely G rated shopping trip, I promise,” Holly said, her smile widening as I considered her proposal. She knew I’d say yes, she just had to wait me out.

“OK, the shopping centre it is.” I put the car in gear. “Which end?”

The sideof the shopping centre with the big department store apparently.

“What about these?”

Holly grabbed a pair of jeans off the rack and held them up against her.

“They look… comfortable,” I said, eyeing my mothers-in-law cautiously because that’s what they looked like: mum jeans. High waisted, light blue stonewash and those formless legs. Nothing like my favourite pair of skinny leg jeans I didn’t fit into anymore. The legs were too loose, but the tummy area was too constrictive.

“Dude, these are mum jeans and you’re getting a pair,” Holly insisted, throwing the hanger at me. I fumbled it, but managed to grab them before they fell to the ground.

“They’re so high waisted I’d be wearing them up under my boobs,” I said, then looked down. “Actually the tide line there has changed a bit since the babies. The guys were so excited when my milk came in.”

“Thinking it would turn you into some kind of buxom wench?” Ingrid asked with a snort. “Typical.”

I frowned.

“But more mass equals more gravity.”

“Then you need some better bras.” Jane’s tone was brisk. “With more support. Let’s get some of those too.”

“One of those horrendous beige things that look like you could launch a cannonball with them?” Holly’s eyes lit up as she clapped her hands. “Yeah, let’s get mum jeans and mum bras too.”

“You need to hydrate more to maintain skin elasticity.” Meryl scanned the floor. “How about one of those Stevens cups everyone’s talking about?”

“Stanley cups?” I asked dimly.

“Yes!” She clapped her hands together. “They have them in all colours and patterns.” Meryl turned to Jane. “Perhaps one with bears printed on the side?”

“What’s going on?” I looked around me and all the noise and clatter of the shopping centre fell away, leaving only them. My mates’ mothers and my best friend, here with me, looking at new clothes, new underwear, after getting me a new haircut. “What is this?” They all went still and the collective gaze of my mothers-in-law, my bestie was soft and understanding.

My village saw me then and didn’t flinch as I stared down each one of them.

“What’s Operation Mum?”

I asked in a much quieter voice now. Holly looked at the others, then stepped forward, making clear who the instigator was.

“You’ve found it tough, becoming a mum.” That was a punch to the gut and all the more harsh because it came from nowhere. “It’s been harder than you thought it would be.” My head shook from side to side, as if that’s what it would take to dismiss her words.

“We’ve all felt a little helpless watching you struggle,” Jane added in a small voice.

“We’ve wanted to help so very much, but wanted to respect your need for space.”

That was Meryl.

“Because it’s hard.” Ingrid stood tall, her gaze burning into mine. “People don’t seem to want to admit that. It’s all soft focus shots of pretty babies and glowing mothers, but that’s not what it’s really like, is it, Natalie? It’s moments of the most exquisitejoy and gut wrenching pain, exhaustion the like you’ve never felt before. And yet if you were given the choice to walk away, you wouldn’t, not even for a second and that’s what grinds you down. You love your children intensely, fiercely, with everything you’ve got, no matter the cost.”

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