Page 1 of Choose the Bears

PART I

Choose The Bears

Foreword

So when the whole man vs bear debate started, everyone starting tagging me like crazy because hey, I write a lot of bear shifter romances.

But its more than that.

I think the vast majority of my books are speculative fiction, wondering what it would be like if women got what they needed from romantic partners, not the dissatisfaction so many express. A man that’s focussed on her needs. That’s protective of her as a person, not as a thing he possesses. As someone he recognises, respects and loves as a person and a partner, not each one of them jammed into rigid gender roles that may or may not fit.

That’s what the Ursa Shifter series tries to do.

Some of you, like me, are abuse survivors. Some of you, unlike me, will not recognise the kinds of coping mechanisms the FMC uses in this book. Some of you will feel like Imogen’s reactions aren’t real or realistic, because I’ve seen it over and over. Readers rave about the way abuse is depicted in some books and revile others, but I need to remind people of one thing.

If you read about attachment theory, primarily a study of children who’ve gone through very severe abuse or abandonment, an array of coping styles were identified. Victims don’t look, behave, feel and operate in the world in a uniform way. If you need receipts of my own experience, I grew up the child of a teenage mother who was forced to birth me when she wanted an abortion. I knew that from a young age. I had a physically violent father who struck out at my mother and myself, but weirdly not my younger sister. He was also very emotionally abusive. My mother, as a survival mechanism, became physically and mentally abusive as well, and sometimes it felt like the student surpassed the master.

As an adult and teenager, I was drawn to people with the same vibe, scornful of any guy who’d be nice to me, until I met my current partner. A lot of abuse victims are the most comfortable with their dysfunctional ‘normal’ and actively seek someone else to replace the previous abuser. I definitely did. I went through periods of anger, of acting out, of risk taking, of addictive behaviours and hyper and hyposexualisation. If this was not your lived experience as a victim, my book doesn’t invalidate your experience. It just reflects mine.

I definitely pulled my punches in this book, so if you’re hoping for a really gritty expose of how bad it gets, this isn’t it. I used to do that in earlier books and then realised the very community I was trying to represent was getting re-traumatised by my books. I have kept the details about abuse as thin as possible, trying to make it so someone who has been through this can actually read it.

One thing I’ll say is, if this book doesn’t do a great job of representing why you’d choose the bear, have a crack at writing your own. I don’t say that as a snarky thing, but to ensure more voices are heard. Write a poem, a book, record a song or a video. Put it out into the world, if that will help you. Even just writingit for yourself can be cathartic. But most of all, walk forward with your head held high. You survived and maybe, just maybe, things can get better.

Peace,

Sam.

Chapter 1

Imogen

“You’ve got the apartment, Imogen.”

My hands shook as I held the phone tight to my ear, unable to believe what I was hearing. The sounds of customers chatting, of shopping trolleys rattling down the supermarket aisles, competed with the sound of the real estate manager’s voice, but her smooth tones cut through.

“We’d like to get you down here this afternoon to sign the lease, though you can pay for the bond via bank transfer. I’ve just emailed all the details over.”

“Yes.” I said that too fast, too forcefully, so I swallowed and tried again. “I mean, yes, I’ll sort the money transfer out right now…” I looked along the line of checkouts, blanching at the sight of customers starting to mass in lines, waiting to be served. I was on my break, but I’d get a call to help soon. “I’m just on my break, but it’s quite busy?—”

“Before close of business is fine,” the woman replied smoothly. “You’ll be able to come down to the office by 5:00 P.M.?”

Jade, the assistant manager at my store came over and I knew why. Could I cut my break short? That’s what she was about to ask. Before she could get a word in edgewise, I answered the property manager.

“Of course. I’ll be there just before five.”

Jade’s eyes went wide when she heard what I said, but not with anger I quickly realised. Her mouth fell open, and she clapped her hands silently, jumping up and down in glee. When I hung up, she pounced.

“You got it? You got the apartment?”

She had acted as a referee, talking me up to the property manager, something I needed desperately.

Because for the past few months, I’d been saving and planning, getting myself ready to leave my soon to be ex-boyfriend.

“I got it.” I felt like I could finally fully exhale after months of holding my breath. “I got it.”

“You got it!” Customers shot us sidelong looks as she slapped her hands down on my shoulders, squeezing them. “You?—”

“Got what?” A blue haired guy appeared at our sides, looking us over in confusion. Daniel was another one of the other checkout operators at the supermarket and should be starting his shift, if Jackie, the store manager’s dark look was anything to go by. “A million dollars? A boob job?” He looked down at my bust, wrinkled his nose, and then shook his head. “A new boyfriend, because girl, that guy you’re seeing?—”

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