Page 52 of Kiss From A Rose

"Sheesh, here we go again with the death talk," I muttered.

Malou sipped her tea. "I wanted you to have your family with you for Christmas. Not just Willow; I wanted Jude and Gray here.AndI wanted to meet them too. You know…before Idie."

I rolled my eyes, but she was right; I couldn't be angry with her. Shewasdying, and to be honest, my heart felt just a tad lighter to know that this first year after the breakup of my marriage, we would be together as a family for Christmas. It felt right to have them here at Angel's Rest. I was glad I'd taken the time to buy Jude and Gray presents, which I could now put under the Christmas tree in the large living room. It was spacious and lovely, with a grand piano and an old-fashioned bar where I'd started to serve holiday drinks before dinner on Fridays and Saturdays.

I'd taken a mixology class when Gray started to invite people home so I could learn how to make a proper martini. I was good at it, and I was happy to play bartender for our guests, especially since I charged handsomely for the cocktails. Since there weren't a lot of places to go to get a drink and Malou had a liquor license, I was glad to have opened up a new source for revenue.

Malou was thrilled as well as amused. "Gourmet food and fancy drinks. Flower girl, you're gonna make my B&B famous; I just know it."

She set her teacup down on a side table. "How was it to see him again?"

"I'm so glad Jude is—"

"I know how it was for you to see your son, Rose. I'm talkin' about Gray."

I knew who she wastalkin’ about. I looked at the clock, and she growled at me. "What?" I asked innocently, "Dinner is served in a—"

"Rose?"

I groaned. "It was nice, alright. Real nice. He smells good."

Malou burst out laughing. "He smells good?"

I sighed and flopped on a chair, facing her. "He always smells so good. His cologne is" —I exaggerated an inhale— "divine."

"Stop sniffing around like a bitch in heat," Malou chuckled.

I sobered. "I got angry and blurted something that I've never told anyone…well, except my therapist." I looked at the fireplace and felt that familiar burn that came into my chest when I remembered what Gray had said to his brother when he didn’t know I was listening. "This was a few years ago. It was Holden's birthday. He and Gray were smoking cigars in Holden and Bonnie'snewgazebo."

"The one that cost two hundred thousand dollars?" Malou asked sarcastically.

"Yeah." I'd told her how Bonnie couldn't shut up about that damn gazebo and how expensive it was. "I was walking around the garden, sick of the people inside."

Holden and Gray hadn't seen me. I was hoping to sneak by without talking to anyone. I just wanted to go home and be done with Gray's pretentious rich friends and family.

Mama Rutherford was inside, and I made it a point to steer clear of her when other people were around. Not because she was outright mean in front of an audience—quite the opposite. She became overly solicitous, putting on a show of kindness in a "look how nice I am to the trailer trash" kind of way. It made my skin crawl.

"I'm growin' old," Holden complained, letting out circles of smoke.

Gray took a drag of his cigar. He smoked but rarely—and I wasn't the wife to nag him about his eating, drinking, or smoking. He was a grown man, and he could do what he wanted. I wished I had that freedom—and I probably did when I was alone, but not with people who could tell Mama Rutherford about what I'd done as they seemed eager to do. That always led to her being cruel, which I could handle, but then sometimes Gray joined in, agreeing with her, and that crushed me. It was easier to stay off Mama Rutherford's radar than to be on it, which I did expertly after years of experience.

"I'm forty. I'm older than you, asshole," Gray protested in good humor.

"I wonder about my life. I'm just gonna get older, and I wonder if I'll ever have what you have."

"What does that mean?" Gray asked.

"Bonnie doesn't love me, Gray."

Gray made a sound in dissent.

" She likes being Mrs. Rutherford, but she doesn't love me,” he reiterated and then added, “Not like Rose loves you."

I stilled, my heart beating fast.

"Yeah, I'm a lucky man," Gray slurred. I knew he had been drinking. He wasn't full-on drunk but tipsy enough.

I smiled. Oh my God. Gray thought he was lucky to have me.

---