Page 38 of Kiss From A Rose

I went into my bedroom and brought with me ten one-hundred-dollar bills. I put it down next to his pie.

"Miss Rose?" he gasped.

He needed the money more than I did. I had no expenses right now. My food and board came from the B&B account, and apparently, Gray would pay for my car insurance.

"Take it."

"Miss Rose, I'm grateful for your generosity, but—"

"You're like Malou's own son, so you'll take it. If Malou finds out, she'll worry. She's dyin', and do you want her to worryabout your sorry ass, now?" I apparently knew how to dole out emotional blackmail when I needed to, I thought, impressing myself. I should've done this with my kids regularly, and maybe they'd have treated me better. But then, I would never manipulate anyone formybenefit. Stupid me!

Edgar had tears in his eyes as he took the money. "I'll pay you back, Miss Rose."

"You can do that by fixin' things around the house. Malou knew how to hammer nails and patch a dry wall; I know none of that. So, I need a handyman, and you're it."

"Anything, Miss Rose. I'll doanythingfor you."

"Good. Then you're the Angel's Rest B&B's official handyman, and that was the retainer, nothin' to pay back."

He put his fork down and came to me. He leaned down and gave me a hug. "You're an angel, Miss Rose."

I held his arm and patted his head.

"It's going to work out, Edgar. Things usually do."

He smiled at me. "Well, I better get the firewood in."

I watched him leave and felt once again the certainty that this was my new home. Here, there were people who saw me and appreciated me. They complimented my cooking. They didn't take me for granted. It felt good to not be invisible.

On Angel Island I had guests who talked to me. I had Malou, and even though she was dying, she held my hand and made me laugh with her dark sense of humor. There was Lilah, whose little girl, Grace, I was falling in love with, and Edgar, who was such a good boy and had no one but his cousin.

In Atlanta, right now, I'd be alone at home, waiting for Gray. Here, I was busy setting the table for eight for dinner.

I was roasting lamb with all the works. People would enjoy my food, which wouldn't go cold because I was forgotten.

I'd listen to their conversations as I made sure their wine glasses were filled and they had everything they needed. They'dinclude me in their discussions and not make me feel like I was less than them.

After dinner, I went to Malou and made sure she ate something. We sat on her bed watching bad TV until she dozed off.

The light in my world would fade when she was gone. The light had already faded some since I left Atlanta. I'd just have to make a new life that was bright, and I would. After my conversation with Gray, I felt validated about my decision to leave. He wanted me back because of what people would say, not because he wantedme, lovedme.

He didn't even feel the need to tell me how he wasn't cheating on me; he just expected me to believe it. Why? He wasn't a model husband, andeveryonedid think he was sleeping with Aimee. And, yet, I wasn't afforded the care or concern to be set at ease.

I'd wondered if I was selfish to walk away without a conversation. The truth was that I didn't feel like I could talk to him because I was afraid of how unpleasant it would be. And I'd had it up to here with unpleasantness!

I just wanted to be at peace and not go to bed wondering how I could end my life. Those were some dark days this fall when I was writing emails nearly on a regular basis to Dr. Mercer as soon as I began to ideate so I could get a handle on myself.

Dr. Mercer had told me that I didn't owe anyone anything—only myself. So, if I felt safest to walk out of the house, I should do that. I should talk to Gray if I wanted to for myself, not because he might want it. Being selfish, she told me, was sometimes not a bad thing—it was actually good for self-preservation to not give all of ourselves away the way I had.

CHAPTER 14

Gray

"Ican't talk to you about Rose," Dr. Mercer told me. She was a tall African-American woman with a gentle face and a soothing demeanor. She was also firm and no-nonsense.

"I know. ButI hope you can help me. Because I'm lost."

She nodded. "Okay. What do you want to talk about?"

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