Page 46 of Kiss From A Rose

"You didn't come," I whispered, guilt layering over guilt.

She smiled and kissed my mouth. "I love having you inside me, feeling you so close to me."

"But I always make you come."

Her eyes shifted, and I blinked. "Rose?"

"Yes, you do," she said, but I knew she was lying.

I kissed her. I'd make it up to her; I promised myself, as soon as I wasn't so tired. I'd make her come again and again like I used to.

"So, your wife didn't orgasm, and you felt guilty," Dr. Ogle deduced.

I licked my lips. "And I realized the way she said it that it wasn't the first time I hadn't taken care of her. I felt like an ass."

"Did you talk to her about it?"

I laughed in self-deprecation. "Come on, Doc, I'm a Southern man, we don't talk about shit like the female orgasm."

He nodded gravely.

"I didn't talk to her about it," I said somberly. "I felt like she'd just told me I was a shitty lover, and so…I started sleeping in the guestroom."

He frowned. "Did sheactuallysay that?"

"No," I cried out. "No. Rose is…fucking sweet. This was all on me. I felt guilty, and I knew if I got into bed with her, I'd fuck her. I can't resist her. You know, my friends complain about how their wives don't turn them on, and they want some stranger on the side. I don't get them at all. I look at Rose, and I'm hard."

Dr. Ogle leaned back as if waiting for me to say more and there unfortunately wasmore. Fucked up shit that I brought upon myself.

"I suspected she wasn't happy, and maybe that's why she didn't come. I could feel it, sense the distance growing between us. Sleeping apart seemed easier than facingthat.”

"Where have you been sleeping since Rose left?"

I felt tears prick my eyes. "On her side of the bed."

“Why?” Dr. Ogle prompted, his tone sympathetic yet probing.

"Because I can smell her there, and I feel less lonely and more safe."

I had told the housekeeper not to change the sheets. I wanted to hold on to my Rose for as long as I could.

"Gray, it's obvious you love your wife."

"Very much," I said hoarsely. "So, fucking much."

"Why do you think you've been treating her in a way that everyone around you thinks was designed to drive her away?"

I’d been thinking about this a lot for the past weeks, my wife gone.

At first, I decided she was being dramatic. Then I convinced myself that she was going to come back, any day now. But, finally, I was honest with myself about who I had been as a husband and a man.

"I was afraid when we got married that she was thewrongwife. I hoped she'd miscarry, and I'd divorce her." Remembering this always made me hate myself. "I didn't want to divorce her, Doc. I loved her, even then. But…."

"But?"

I sighed. "But, Rose is from the wrong side of the tracks, and I'm a fuckin' Rutherford."

He nodded but didn't say anything, and knew I had a lot more to get out of my system.

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