Page 63 of For Eva

I stared blankly at the wall across from me and snorted. “Should’ve learned my lesson from high school.”

“I’m so fucking mad,” she said, hitting the pillow beside her. “I’m calling him! I’m calling him right now. What’s his fucking phone number?” She sprang from the chair and picked up the phone on the end table.

“Don’t bother. I’ve only tried about two hundred times.”

Denise looked over at me and put a hand on her hip. “Well, can I at least leave him a message telling him to go fuck himself?”

“It won’t matter,” I said. “The answering machine is full. It’s done. Over. Once a-fucking-gain.”

She plunked down the receiver and sat beside me, placing her hand on my leg. “I’m so sorry, babe. But it’s like I don’t even know what to do. I’m so fucking pissed he did this to you.” She leaned forward, trying to see my face, which was partially covered by a mop of hair that had fallen over it. “Should we drive over to his house?”

I sighed, pushing myself up so I was sitting cross-legged. I then freed the rest of my hair from what was left of my ragged ponytail and shook my head. “He’s probably moved out. It doesn’t matter. He doesn’t want to see me. He doesn’t want to talk to me. He called Keith and left him a message at the hotel that he was quitting the band. Not me.Keith.”

I paused and cleared my throat, tears pricking the corners of my eyes once again. “He made it clear all he cared about was getting his gear back and whatever money was owed him.”

“God. When did he become such adick?”

I shrugged, my mouth turning down. “I guess he’s always been one. I should’ve never trusted him again. I was so fucking stupid.” I fought back the emotions that continued to form behind my eyes.

“No. You weren’t,” she insisted, turning to face me. “He said all the right things. Hedidall the right things. Anybody would’ve believed him. He fucked you over, Eva. You couldn’t have seen it coming.”

I dropped my head into my hands. “But I knew it was a mistake going on the road with them. He needed his time without me always hanging around. I should’ve just quit.”

“But youloveyour job,” Denise said, squeezing my shoulder. “You couldn’t give that up.”

“I could’ve told Keith I needed to work with his other bands, that I couldn’t work with Counting Backward.” I took a deep breath. “But the thing is, Denise, Iwantedto be with Danny. I actuallywantedto be there.”

“I know.” She reached over and wiped a tear from my cheek. “So what’s gonna happen to Eric? What about Matt and Will?”

I licked my dry lips. “Eric’s apparently having some pretty bad withdrawal symptoms, but like I told you on the phone, no permanent damage, thank God. Matt and Will…I don’t know. Our stint on the tour’s over, obviously. Not sure if the band will get back together after Eric gets out of rehab or not. Minus Danny, of course.” I paused and shrugged. “Keith told me to take a few days, then we’ll get together and sort through things. He wants me to keep working with him.”

“Well, that’s good news, right?” Denise said, tucking a piece of my hair behind my ear.

“I don’t know.” I closed my eyes and shook my head. “I don’t know if I can do it.”

“Fuck, yes, you can do it! You’regreatat your job. I know it, Keith knows it, everyone knows it.”

I looked down and picked at my cuticles. “I’m just so fucking hurt right now.” I buried my face in my hands again as my body began to shake.

She pulled me into her arms, and I rested my head on her shoulder. “I know, sweet girl. I know. But you’re gonna get through this. You are.”

“I wanna go home, Denise,” I choked out through my sobs. “I just wanna go home.”

“You are home, babe.”

I sank deeper into her, my heart breaking even harder because she didn’t understand what I meant.

I needed to leave her.

I needed to leave LA.

I needed to go back to Chicago.

TWENTY-EIGHT

Eva

August 1989

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