Page 88 of For Eva

I sighed. “Oh, just one of our biggest artists is being totally unreasonable and two of my employees got caught fucking on a desk. No big deal.”

His hands stopped kneading my neck. “Two of your employees fucked on a desk?”

“Oh, yes. So now I’m two people down, and I’m sure I won’t be able to replace them since we’re already over budget for the year. And I was late to get the kids from camp, and I forgot the damn chicken. But it’s fine,” I muttered, digging through our junk drawer for pizza coupons.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him studying my face. “I don’t think it’s fine, Eva.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve been telling you to quit since Miles was born. Maybe it’s time you listened?”

I abruptly stopped rummaging through loose change, old flyers, and ketchup packets and looked over at him. “Seriously, Aaron? Are we doing this right now?”

He threw his hands up. “What? What’s so wrong with that? Why do you get so fucking worked up when I mention it?”

“Because I can’t just quit my job. We have a mortgage, car payments, and two kids who are gonna go to college one day. And we enjoy, you know,things.” I waved my hand around our remodeled kitchen, complete with sparkling granite, a Sub-Zero refrigerator, and an espresso machine that cost more than I cared to think about.

“Eva, we’ll be fine. The firm does well enough that you don’t have to worry about any of that.”

I scrubbed my hands over my face, pressing my hands into my forehead to stop the throbbing. Aaron made enough on his own to support us. But I never could quite admit to him that I didn’t want to quit because Iwantedto work. Even on the worst days, I still remembered how much satisfaction it brought me. How lucky I felt to merge my background in marketing with my passion for music. It reminded me of the good times I’d had working for Keith and the band. Sure, some of the memories from that period of my life were painful, but I’d loved that job. And I loved the one I had now, too.

But that gnawed at my insides and made me feel like my priorities were out of whack. Drew and Miles were my world, but my career was important to me, too. Why did Aaron have to make me feel like that was so wrong?

I let my hands fall from my face. “I just…I don’t want to quit.”

He threw his head back and sighed. “I don’t understand this. Think of all the time you’ll be able to spend with the kids. Wewon’t have to rearrange our days when they’re sick. You won’t forget to take the stupid chicken out of the freezer.”

I shot him a look. “Really, Aaron?”

“I’m just saying, Eva. Look at Allison. The most stressful part of her day is whether or not she wins her fucking tennis match.” He ran his hands through his hair before tossing them into the air. “Don’t you want that?”

I bristled at the mention of his law partner’s wife.

“Why do you look like that?”

I reached for my glass and took a long swallow of wine. “Because I’m fucking sick of being compared to her. I’m sick of you wanting me tobeher.”

“I don’t…” He trailed off and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I don’t want you tobeher, I just don’t understand why you don’t want to quit. I’m offering you the fuckingdream, Eva, and you’re telling me I’m an asshole for doing it.”

“My jobismy dream, and I don’t want to be a stay-at-home mom, okay?” The words tumbled out of my mouth before I was able to stop them. It was the first time I’d said it so plainly. There had always been other reasons. Money for vacations, saving for retirement, having a backup income in case the firm ever went under.

I gripped the counter, feeling the heightened rise and fall of my chest. Aaron’s jaw tightened as his eyes flicked to the right, staring past me, out of the window over the kitchen sink. I opened my mouth several times to speak, but nothing came out.

“Well, then,” he finally said, grabbing his car keys. “Since your fucking job is more important than this family,I’llgo pick up the goddamn pizza.”

FORTY-EIGHT

August 2003

From: Eva Mitchell

To: Denise Abbott

Date: August 25, 2003 9:56PM

Subject: News

Well, I did it, Denise. I turned in my resignation. In one month, I will officially be a stay-at-home mom.

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