Page 109 of Brick

His eyes bulged, and he thrashed on the bed, making gagging sounds. She hit the button for the nurse, then laid across her brother’s arms and torso, to keep him from hurting himself.

The nurse joined her quickly and pushed what Liv imagined was a sedative into his IV. His thrashing stopped. “It’s a normal reaction to waking up with a tube,” the nurse assured her. “We’ve been lowering the ventilator support in the past few hours. We’ll be ready to take it out first thing in the morning.”

Despite her promise, she didn’t bother her sister with an update, though she did call Jonathan, and they talked for a while. He was home in her bed, taking it easy. He still had his own healing left to do.

Part of her wished she could be there with him, but her family needed her now. The only reason Will was even in this condition was because of her. The least she could do was be here for him, no matter what kind of dread this hospital dragged up.

She watched TV and played on her phone before dozing off around midnight. She woke at dawn to the sound of her brother snapping his fingers. He appeared irritated and impatient, but at least he wasn’t losing his shit.

“I’m awake,” she mumbled, searching for the call button. “Let me call the nurse.”

She stepped out as the medical team removed her brother’s tube. His hacking cough echoed down the hall. Izzy should’ve had a fair amount of sleep overnight, so she texted her to return.

She considered taking a seat in the waiting room, but her feet passed the row of chairs and continued toward the elevator. Up to the sixth floor. To oncology.

The space was achingly familiar and worlds apart at the same time. Her cancer treatment felt like a lifetime ago, but if she closed her eyes, she could imagine Carol standing next to her. Laughing with her. Crying with her.

“Tell me it didn’t come back.”

Liv didn’t need to open her eyes to recognize Donna’s gravelly voice. The fifty-something nurse had been here with her through it all.

“No. The doc says I’m in complete remission. I’m only here as a visitor.” She turned to stare into the woman’s warm brown eyes. “Being here takes me back.”

Donna tsk’d. “There’s no going back, sweetheart. Only forward.”

She rubbed at her chest, trying to soothe the growing ache. “Carol used to say the same thing.”

“Where do you think she heard it in the first place?”

A smile tugged at her cheeks, but it disappeared as quickly as it came. “I miss her,” she whispered.

Donna nodded and grasped Liv’s shaking hand in her dark, steady one. “Of course, you do. But you know she wouldn’t want you to keep mourning. She’d want you to—”

“Live. I know.”

The nurse led her to a cluster of chairs and waited while Liv worked out what she wanted to say.

“Ever since I lost her, I keep thinking of her advice. For a long time, I tried to live the way she would’ve wanted me to, but I was missing the point, huh?”

Donna held her gaze.

“I’m not supposed to live how she wanted me to. I’m just supposed to—live.”

“You were like family to her. You were there when she needed someone in her life the most.” Donna’s smile was encouragement, sympathy, and a little bit of pride. “She told me once there’s all kinds of ways to love. When it’s right, the more you give, the more it fills you up. She loved you like that. You filled her up.”

“She did the same for me.”

“Then part of her is still here.” Donna tapped Liv’s chest. “Thanks to you, she lives on.”

The ride back down the elevator passed in a bit of a fog, but by the time she returned to the third floor, she felt a clarity she didn’t even know she’d been missing. She was about to sit with a cup of vending machine coffee when the nurse waved her in.

Will still appeared miserable, but without the tube, at least he looked like he was going to recover. He wore an oxygen mask, but it comforted her to know every breath he took was his own.

She returned to her seat beside him. “How can I ever thank you?”

Her brother lifted the mask. “I didn’t save you.” His voice sounded like sandpaper, and he winced, putting the mask back in place.

What the hell difference did it make? “You almost died for me. It all happened so fast. Maybe if you hadn’t been there, the bullet would have been meant for me. It was when he was focused on you, I got away.”

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