Page 128 of Seduce Me in Shadow

Damn it, she feels sorry for me.

“I know you’re not expecting me.” She takes a hesitant step into the room. “I don’t mean to barge in, but I had to see you. Why didn’t you tell me about Lucan and his mate mourning?”

I take a step closer—but not too close. That would be dangerous. “Because it doesn’t change anything.”

“But your refusal to share with me does.”

She rushes across the room to me. Her smell blindsides me with hunger and longing. I clench my fists to stop myself from hauling her into my arms.

“I understand your fear,” she murmurs. “Why you’ve avoided mating with me. Your brother has lost all control, and that’s something you strive to retain. I’m sorry for him, but you don’t know that Lucan’s condition would become yours?—”

“Given the way you’ve thrown yourself into a war, I sure as hell do. Your bravery is commendable, firecracker, but it’s placed you in grave danger. You don’t take precautions, and I know you’ll try to refuse my protection, even if I insist you follow my rules?—”

“Your rules? I’m hardly a child.”

I step closer, toe-to-toe, towering over her. That spicy-sweet scent of hers infiltrates and intoxicates my senses, tightening my gut. My cock springs to turgid life moments later. I have to get rid of her quickly. My resistance is weakening.

“You met Mathias face-to-face and duped him. Angered him. He won’t forget that. Or the fact you revealed him to magickind. He will hunt you down and torture you. You were warned, but you didn’t use caution or bow out,” I growl. “Now it’s too late. My desire for you has grown far beyond rational. If we mated, I would end up like my brother.”

“I’m clever, and you’ll protect me. Bram and the others will, too.”

“I’m no longer involved, remember?”

“You should be. Strength in numbers. If you stayed together, everyone would be safer while we make a difference. If we mated, we’d have each other. I don’t need more than you.”

“If we mated, I could probably count our days together on one hand. This is war. Mathias is magickind’s ultimate sociopath. Evil, determined, smart, charismatic, powerful, and willing to kill. And he won’t die by a simple bullet, as you saw in his warehouse.”

“We’ve weakened his army,” she argues. “Taking the fight to him was the right thing to do, and using the book as bait was perfect. Maybe peace will come soon. Then we’ll have wasted precious time we could have spent together.”

I rake a frustrated hand through my hair. We’re talking in circles, and still she refuses to understand. “Peace? Last timeit took decades to vanquish Mathias, along with an army of experienced wizards. Many died. Too many were sacrificed.”

“The same is true in human wars. And like those, we don’t have any control over who lives or who dies. We only have control over what we do with our time on this earth.” She squeezes my hand. “If Lucan and Anka’s separation has shown us anything, it should be that, while lovers can suffer, love itself endures. Even without remembering Lucan, Anka missed someone dear like a physical pang. She spoke about it more than once.”

“And Lucan has been reduced to an animal.”

“You fear becoming like Lucan so much you would rather skip whatever time we might have together? If that’s the case, you don’t love me as deeply as I love you.” She sniffs. “And maybe I’ve no one to blame but myself.”

“Are you mad, woman. I love you. As deep as the oceans. As vast as the universe. But I won’t be able to endure the pain of losing more. Of losing you!”

“People live, they love…and they die.”

“But I lose over and over again.” A well of memories and fears rises inside me, drowning out logic and caution. Opening my past to Sydney will change everything.

But continuing to hide the truth is hurting her, and I can’t bear that anymore.

“I can’t find Anka, and Lucan is likely going to die. Today, I had to kill one of my old marine buddies in Mathias’s warehouse. It was one of the hardest fucking things I’ve ever done. And still not as difficult as the day magic ruined my life…”

Chapter

Fifty-Seven

Sydney wraps me in her warm embrace, offering silent support. “Tell me. I’m here.”

“It was the day I lost my younger brother, Westin.” I swallow, already so choked up that I can barely speak. “I was twelve. After Lucan, my parents tried for over two hundred years to have another child. They were elderly when I was born. Even so, Westin surprised them ten years later.

“He wasn’t quite two when we went out to play one summer morning. Westin was my little shadow. He was funny and bright and happy. God, his laugh was a treasure. He was learning to play pranks on everyone. He looked up to me. And I loved him… God.”

Tears sting the backs of my eyes. I haven’t let myself think about that day or cry since Westin’s burial. Remembering his chapped little cheeks and happy giggles is like opening a chasm in my soul.

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