Page 41 of Love You Too

“Yeah, okay. Call it what you want, but I’m here for it. I want to be a dad.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Saying the words out loud makes my heart race a little bit because I’ve just made it real. I’ve made a commitment, and there’s no going back on being a part of a person’s life. It means I’m tying myself to Trix in some way too, and I can’t tell if it thrills me or terrifies me. What if I fuck it up again?

She presses her lips together until she can’t stop the smile from taking over. “Okay. So…okay.”

I think it’s okay, but our blazing chemistry scrambles everything in my brain. “But what about this?” I gesture between us.

She mimics my motion, and it looks like she’s swatting bugs. “This?”

“Clearly, I’m just as hot for you as I was in college, but I don’t want to complicate things even more.”

She nods. “Ah. That.”

I push myself up to sit, noticing her eyes glide the length of my torso, snagging on my pecs and abs. Her gaze goes hazy, and she tilts her head like she’s admiring a piece of art. I’ll never get tired of her looking at me like that.

“Trix, it feels good, being with you. Easy. Ten years didn’t change a thing.”

She hauls herself to a sitting position and faces me, legs crossed. “Well, some things have changed. We both have demanding careers, we’re both adulting. But yeah, it kind of feels like no time has passed.”

Reaching over, I run a hand over her hair and smooth the crease in her brow with my finger. “I feel like there’s a ‘but’ coming. What are you worried about?”

“I’m worried this will be too much.” She gestures between our naked bodies. “It feels so good to be with you, but I don’t want to be reckless. There’s a child involved, so maybe we set up some ground rules.”

“Sounds like you’ve given this some thought.” I don’t like that she’s walking things back when it feels so good to be with her again.

She shrugs. “Just thinking out loud. I like us like this, but I’m worried about blurring the lines. We’re co-parents, not a couple.”

But we could be.

I don’t say it because it’s clear she’s not on the same page…yet. I’ve had years to think about being with her again, and she’s only here because she was blindsided by an accidental pregnancy. I don’t like how it feels, but I don’t want to jeopardize our tenuous bond. So I nod.

“And if it gets too complicated, we need to do what’s best for the baby.”

“Yeah, makes sense. Agreed.” I try to keep the disappointment from my voice as a new emptiness replaces the old because she’s not really mine.

Her eyes fix on mine as if assessing my honesty. “You’re sure about this? It’s a lot. I don’t expect you to make this decision without giving it a lot of thought. This will change your life, Ren.” Her tone is dire, and it occurs to me for the first time that maybe she doesn’t want me in this with her, even though she gave me the option.

“I know that. But I guess…” I say, running a hand through my hair and letting it land back on her shoulder. “I’ve always imagined myself as a dad, knocking a puck around with a feisty kid, being the kind of influence on an impressionable little person that I never had. I do want that. And Trix, you’re my OG soul mate—” I hold up a hand when I sense her starting to object. “I know that’s in the past, and I’m not trying to push you into anything. I just mean that I know you. And I trust you as a partner in this.” I pause. “If you want me as yours.”

She nods slowly. “I do, Ren. I trust you too.” She swallows hard, her only indication that taking this step forward with me is as scary as it feels to me. But I can’t deny that I want this. “You’ll be a great dad.” She says it so quietly I almost don’t hear her.

“Okay, then. We know we’re going to do this, whatever that means. We have seven months to figure it out.” I like that this tethers us together. I’m not about to tell her that because it’s too much, way too soon. But it is what it is.

Trix rolls off the bed with a grin on her face and pulls on her hoodie. “Seven and a half months,” she corrects, grabbing her phone. She starts tapping on the screen. “That’s four monthsafter PJ’s wedding, so the inn will be done. It has to be done. So that leaves plenty of time to get things ready for a baby.”

I can’t help but smile at her proficiency, moving full bore ahead into task mode. She’s a force of nature, this Beatrix Corbett, and I kind of love it.

“Check,” I say. “Seven and a half months from now—baby.”

She rolls her eyes at me, but it doesn’t stop her from tapping whatever lists she’s making into her phone. “Laugh now, but you’re in this with me, and you’ll learn to love my multitasking abilities, I promise you.”

I don’t bother to tell her that I’m hardly in this for the multitasking. I’m in this because it’sher, which means I’m here for the foreseeable future.

Longer, if she’ll have me.

CHAPTER 16

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