Page 74 of Love You Too

Ren

“Areyou sure you really want to eat that?” I gesture at the two double cheeseburgers sitting on a paper plate in front of Trix. It sits next to a milkshake and a double order of fries. Most guys on my team could only put away half that amount of food at ten at night, and they’d pay for it in the morning. Then again, they’re not pregnant.

“I’m sure that the baby wants me to eat it.” She dips a fry into a cup of ketchup and shoves it into her mouth. I ordered a chocolate milkshake so Trix wouldn’t have to “eat alone,” as she put it, but I haven’t touched it.

She asked that we leave the hospital and go out for food before I told her what I came to say. “I don’t know whether I’m going to like it or not, and I’m hungry. Can we get some food before you talk and I lose my appetite?” she asked.

“I really hope I don’t make you lose your appetite.”

We drove toward Buttercup Hill and stopped at a burgerstand on the road about twenty minutes from home. It nearly killed me to drive next to her and not say all the things I’d been rehearsing in my head during the two-hour flight from Phoenix, but I did what she asked. Felt like the least I could do after the way we left things before my trip.

“Okay, can I talk now?” I ask as she takes a giant bite of the first burger. Her cheeks are flushed in the moonlight, and she looks angelic as she nods.

“Sure. I’m just gonna eat, if you don’t mind.”

“Honey, of course I don’t mind.” I run a hand through my hair, agonizing over the thought that I could possibly mind anything she might do. “That’s what I need you to understand. You’re the first person—the only person—who makes me want to take a step back from hockey. You’re?—”

She interrupts me by holding up a hand, which happens to contain two fries. “Stop. I don’t want you to take a step back. It’s your life, Ren. It always has been. I’m good with raising our child full-time and letting you do what you need to do.” She nods and takes another bite of her burger. There’s no agony etched on her face. She really is okay moving on without me and letting me be a drop-in dad.

“No fucking way.”

“Sorry?”

“I’m not taking any time away from you or our child unless I’m on the ice. That’s it. Any other time, I’m yours if you want me.”

She puts down her burger and assesses me calmly. No judgment. She tilts her head. “I do want you. But I don’t want you to sign on because the sex is fun, and you feel obligated to our baby, and then realize that hockey is your one true love.”

“I know I’ve done a shitty job these past weeks of proving that I can have balance in my life. But you and our baby are worth figuring out how to do it. I stepped back from my captain role onthe team. It’ll give me some of my time back and take some pressure off.”

“I don’t want you to sacrifice?—”

I hold my finger out, and she stops talking before it even lands on her lips. Tracing the outline of her mouth, I watch her eyes go glassy. “It’s not a sacrifice if it brings me back to you. It’s not. Trix, I haven’t had a real relationship for ten years because I never got over you. I bought the winery because I was hoping it would lead me back to you. I always wanted more than just hockey in my life. I wanted you. Only you.”

I cup her chin in one hand. She looks dumbfounded at my confession.

I suppose I would be as well, but it’s been my reality for so long that it doesn’t seem strange anymore. On the contrary, it seems like the most logical thing in the world to buy a property when you have the money to afford it. But I have to tell her the last part.

“I’d give it all up for you. My whole career.”

Trix bends her head to kiss the palm of my hand. “I don’t want you to do that. I don’t want to be the only thing in your life. But I want to be the part you come home to.”

A lump lodges in my throat, so I simply nod and kiss her temple.

“I told you when I came here that I want balance in my life. Hockey is not my only love. You are too.”

She nods. “I want to believe you, but I’m nervous.”

“You can’t know the future. At some point, you’re going to have to trust me. The same way I need to trust myself to find balance.”

Taking a sip of my shake, I feel like gagging on the thick, sweet chocolate. “This is what you crave?”

She nods. “And I crave you. But not everything we crave is good for us.”

Fuck.

“You’re right, Trix. Not everything we crave is good for us, but I think we’re good together. And I’m not going anywhere.”

I take an envelope from my pocket and hand it to Trix.

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