Page 83 of Past Tents

“Talk to me, greyhound. What are you thinking?”

His lips quirked to the side in that way I loved. Like they couldn’t help themselves because something brought on some unexpected joy.

“This. You. It’s you.”

“What? What’s me?”

“Everything. The reason I do...everything. The reason it’s worth getting up every day and living.”

My heart flooded with warmth. I hoped he meant that he was starting to believe all the things I’d tried to convince him of and failed.

“It’s not about meds or no meds. It’s about finding something that makes me feel like my true self, and you’re it, Alexandra. You’re my reason.”

And there it was. My fairy tale.

I felt tears prick the corners of my eyes for reasons that had nothing to do with my mom or my dad or my own self-sufficiency. I’d held out for what I wanted and he was standing here in front of me telling me what I wanted to hear—that he believed. Not in me, but in himself. And that made me whole.

“You were right. This version of me—if he’s good enough to love you—he’s good enough.”

I shook my head. “No, that’s not true. You are more than good enough, Clay. You’re the best. Every day. Toward your students, toward me. The only one who hasn’t been getting the benefit of the tremendous gifts you put out into the world is you. You’ve been denying yourself that, and you need to stop.”

He nodded slowly, his eyes drifting shut. “I know.” When he opened them, they were soft. Determined but with grace. “I know. I’m working on that.”

“I think you’re already there,” I whispered.

CHAPTER

THIRTY-THREE

ALLY

All I’d told Clay about our date was that it would be outdoors. “Bring a fleece. And a blanket.”

His knowing grin when he came to pick me up said I’d sufficiently fooled him. He thought we were going camping.

As much as I’d grown to love the wilderness, especially with him by my side, today’s activity would feature no unexpected animals popping up and threatening to eat our picnic lunch, which I carried in a backpack. There would, however, be bears.

“Okay, take this exit,” I instructed Clay, pointing to the Cherry Street exit in East Knoxville, where I was on a date. With my boyfriend.

“Turn in here.” I watched Clay’s face as he recognized the entrance to the Knoxville Zoological Gardens and cast a quizzical look my way. “I know. It will all become clear.”

We parked the truck in the lot, and Clay insisted on carrying my backpack, which I allowed as long as he promised not to peek inside. As it was, I was pretty sure he could tell from the weight and the sloshing noise there was a large thermos in there.But he didn’t know it contained homemade lemonade with mint springs floating in it.

I paid our entrance fee and felt Clay’s hand slip into mine as we walked along the path at the zoo’s entrance. He gamely allowed me to lead, never asking where I was taking us or why I’d chosen the zoo.

We walked past the red panda enclosure where I was tempted to stop, but I stayed focused on my destination, which was just a bit farther into the zoo.

Clay saw it before I did. “No, really?” The sheer delight in his voice confirmed I’d made the right choice. Black Bear Falls, the bear habitat in the zoo, was one of the nation’s best. When we neared, we could see two bears wrestling with each other in a puddle of water, rolling around to the delight of the kids with their faces pressed up against the outside of the enclosure.

One bear was biting at a stream of water cascading from a rock, and another one was biting its bear companion.

“Perfect spot for us to camp with bears and not worry about getting eaten,” I said, pointing at the backpack. “Though we’re not spending the night here, in case you’re scared.”

“Honestly, spending the night inside a zoo freaks me out more than being in the wilderness,” Clay admitted.

I thought about that for a moment, and after seeing the outdoors the way Clay did, I had to agree.

We stood and watched the bears for a while, marveling at how much energy they had and how playful they were. “I almost want to meet a bear in the woods now because they seem pretty fun,” I said.

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