Page 72 of Past Tents

I couldn’t shuffle through my various questions and insecurities in Pindich’s presence, and his beady-eyed stare was making me more uncomfortable by the minute. The best thing I could do was show little reaction to what he was telling me and go talk to Clay.

“Thanks for your concern, but you don’t have to worry about me.” I turned for the door, opened it, and stepped into the hallway before I heard Pindich’s final retort.

“Careful . . . ,” he warned. “I’d be careful if I were you.”

Giving him a final definitive glare, I responded, “I’m always careful.”

Then I let the door slam behind me.

CHAPTER

TWENTY-EIGHT

CLAY

I’d rounded my third lap on the track when I saw her.

At first, the warmth spread in my heart as usual whenever I caught a glimpse of Ally. Even from a distance, I could see the blond escapees from her ponytail, which always made me think of little children misbehaving. The way she shoved them back into place and ignored them when they sprung free again brought a smile to my face even though I was burning through a six-minute pace.

I slowed a little when I came around the next bend, so I could intercept her as she came closer. On the off chance she hadn’t come out here to find me, I wasn’t about to let her get away.

As she drew nearer, I noticed an intensity to her stride, mirrored in the consternation on her face. I came to a halt just as she ducked around the bleachers and emerged at the side of the track.

“Hey, you okay?” I asked before she stopped in front of me and crossed her arms. “What’s wrong?”

I guided her to where we could take a seat, high up in the bleachers, which gave us perspective over the field. Maybe thatwould give her perspective on whatever was bothering her. It sometimes worked for me.

“I just had a conversation with Pin Dick,” she said, spitting out his name like a curse and emphasizing the end of his name with a hardk.

A bolt of panic stabbed at my chest. Even though I knew there could be a host of irritating reasons he’d come talk to her, she seemed upset and I feared the worst.

“Did he do something to you? Say something?” Maybe he’d suggested another one of his “lunch dates.”

She turned to me and I saw fire in her eyes. That was heartening. Better than an accusatory glare. “He told me you made a bet that you could get the Green Valley Spinster to fall for you.” She pointed to herself with both thumbs. I’d have laughed at the nickname—because it couldn’t be more ridiculous—except that she looked so upset. “Please tell me this is just Pin Dick being his usual douchey self. Tell me that’s not why you suddenly took an interest in me.”

My heart flooded with an unexpected tangle of emotions, but for once, I had no trouble finding words to express my thoughts. “Suddenly?” I shook my head.

I should have been honest with her from the beginning, but my paranoia had kicked in. I’d worried about drawing her in when I knew I didn’t deserve to have her.

“Did you hear this rumor?” she asked and shook her head. “You know what, this is stupid. I don’t care what Pin Dick said.” She huffed a laugh and shrugged. “Unless it’s true, obviously. Then I stand by what I told you weeks ago, that I’m giving up on my knight fantasy in favor of harsh reality.”

With her hands on her hips, she took on a fighting stance and I thought about everything she’d told me about wanting to be self-sufficient. I didn’t think she really believed something so ridiculous as what Pin Dick had said, but her comment about the knight told me she didn’tnotbelieve it.

And there it was, the sickening pit in my stomach that I knew so well. It wasn’t sadness. It was fear mixed with self-loathing mixed with hopelessness. I knew it wasn’t rational. Depression wasn’t rational. But I felt it—all too familiar.

This was how it began after my ex left, and I’d forgotten how far down it took me.

Rationally, I knew this situation was night-and-day different, but again, rational thoughts rarely factored in when I felt the pull of depression. It was just a feeling. A dark feeling closing in.

But I gave it one solid effort to turn the tide. Maybe I could move the serotonin to where I needed it through sheer force of will and a good attitude.

“Alexandra, I would marry you today if it would convince you that everything Pin Dick just told you is garbage. Today.”

“Oh, no, I wasn’t trying to trap you into?—”

“Ally, if you only knew . . .”

It wasn’t the afternoon sunlight that made her squint at me. She had no idea what I meant. Of course she didn’t. I’d done too good a job of keeping my feelings hidden.

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