Page 25 of Past Tents

“First of all, I see you agree with me about the coffee. And second, did you keep your receipt?”

“I guess. Why are you hovering over me like you’re getting ready to give me a lecture?” she asked, just as I realized I was indeed hovering. I took a step back.

“Because I’m giving you a lecture. Return the bear spray. We’re not going to be spraying bears.” The image of Ally on a hikingtrail spritzing a bear with an atomizer was too good not to lock away in my mind.

Pressing her lips together, she looked up at me like a student who didn’t understand a word of Shakespeare despite reading it for the tenth time. I wanted to reach over and hug the confusion right out of her. Instead, I pulled a chair into the middle of the room, flipped it around, and straddled it, too far from her now for any hugging.

“What’s wrong with bear spray? The guy at the store said it’s effective for warding off bears.”

“Of course he did. He wanted to sell you bear spray.”

“Yeah, probably. And I wanted to keep bears away, so it seems like a win-win to me. Do you own stock in an animal repellant company or something? I’ll buy your brand, just say so.”

“I do not.”

“So what’s the problem? I wasn’t going to make you carry it, if that’s what you were worried about. I wouldn’t want you to tax your muscles and mess up your workout schedule.”

“Alexandra . . .”

“Yes?” She blinked her big blue eyes up at me.

“We’re not going to see any bears.”

“Ha. That’s what the last guy said, and he’s not here to say ‘I told you so’ because the bear ate him.”

I assumed she was joking. Most people would be joking.

For now, I told myself the retreat would be fine. I wasn’t worried about having Ally as my sidekick for three days because we’dbe distracted by the students the entire time. We’d be lucky to string five words together at a time with each other. It would be like school. Normal.

I was a little more concerned about the little campout in my yard that I’d insisted on. Mainly, I’d done it because she seemed so ill at ease, and I wanted to make that crease in her forehead disappear. I wanted to allay her fears.

But with that came more time alone with her and that terrified me. Not because I didn’t trust myself to keep my hands to myself. I was a grown man. A grown, hot-for-teacher, horny-as-hell man who was half-hard just thinking about being alone in my yard with her. Two days of ignoring her had done nothing to get rid of those urges. If anything, I’d made it worse because now I couldn’t stop looking at the milky skin at the hollow of her throat and noticing how it curved to meet her collarbones. I couldn’t stop thinking about how it felt to hold her against my chest and feel the flutter of her heartbeat keeping time with mine.

But I had to stop. So I would.

“We won’t see bears, most likely. And if we do, I promise we won’t get eaten. That doesn’t really happen.”

She started to laugh, a carefree sound like tiny glass wind chimes in the breeze. After setting her coffee down, she leaned back so far the chair almost tipped over. I lurched off my seat to stop her from falling, but she righted herself before I reached her.

The accusing, puzzled look on her face told me she thought I was crazy, and maybe I was. She’d unleashed something in me earlier in the week that I’d kept buried for so long I’d left it for dead. Big mistake. Apparently feelings like mine don’t die.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“I just wanted you to think I was pulling my weight and being prepared.”

“I’m not worried about that. You’ve got my back on the first aid stuff. That’s helpful enough. Let me handle the camping part. And the teaching of camping.”

“So...we’re really doing this? The dry run? Because I thought maybe I could just read a book or look at the internet or something and take a virtual camping trip this weekend. I’ll watch episodes ofNaked and AfraidorAloneand then I’ll know more than even you.”

I’d watch you naked in the woods.

I shook that errant thought from my brain before Ally saw evidence of it all over my face. “Don’t watch those.”

“Why not?”

If she watched either one of those shows, she’d never agree to set foot in the wilderness. I’d seen both and the people on them were survivalists. She’d take one look at someone losing a toe to frostbite or ice fishing with a stick and run for the nearest beach chair with an umbrella drink.

“Those shows won’t teach you what you need to know for a school retreat. I’ve got this. I promise.”

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