Page 81 of French Kiss

I was so busy looking for guarantees in the real world and imagining fantasies in the safety of my mind that I never thought the two could meet. Until I took a gamble on Maddox and tried, for first time, to meld my fantasy with the real world. That had blown up in my face.

But maybe it had landed me exactly where I was supposed to be: walking through the streets of Paris with the better guy, the one I never had to worry would break my heart.

Maybe Maddox, in his dumb way, had done me a solid by putting together this magical concept of two people meeting in Paris under the Eiffel Tower. On the ground, where they could see the road in front of them. I wasn’t about to give him credit for knowing how it would work out, but maybe I could give myself credit. I’d gone after the fantasy.

And I’d gotten exactly what I wanted, even if I hadn’t known exactly what that was when I began.

After about ten minutes of walking, Josh and I had arrived at the water. The calm blue made me feel peaceful, the same way I felt in San Francisco when I caught views of the bay. I didn’t know much about astrology or whether I was born under a water sign or anything else that didn’t qualify as hard science. But there was something about the water.

“We could just stand here,” I said. “I’d be happy.”

Josh wasn’t satisfied to gaze out over the water. “We’re not there yet.”

“Okay. I’m not gonna ask where we’re going.”

“You want to, but I appreciate your self-restraint.”

“Actually, you know what? I think I’m good. I don’t need to know.”

He stopped walking and looked at me, concern in his face. He knew this was an about-face from my usual need to know where I was headed in life. “What’s different now?”

“Yeah, I know. I’m a control freak.”

“I didn’t say that,” he said.

“We both know it’s true. But I’m starting to think that maybe I don’t need to control everything if I’m with a person I can trust. Maybe it’s just overkill.”

“You can trust me.”

I nodded. “I know. So take me wherever you want to go. I’m along for the ride.”

He still seemed a bit unnerved by this new calmer version of me, but he started walking again. We crossed the Pont des Arts, the footbridge that led us back to the sixth arrondissement near my hotel. Maybe he wanted me to pack my bags and bring them to the Hôtel George V. If that was what he had in mind, I would follow along, as promised.

Instead, he stopped at one of the green book kiosks operated by the bouquinistes. He left me to gaze at the water he knew I loved and went over to the vendor. He said something in French and handed the vendor a few euros in exchange for something small that he wrote on with a Sharpie and folded up in his palm. Then we walked to a corner of the railing, where a handful of padlocks had been secured to the filigree work on a light post.

“You know the story about this bridge, right? It used to have thousands of padlocks all over it.”

“Right, then they kind of crushed it, and a big piece of it fell off?” I said.

“Yeah. So now, you can see, it’s completely rebuilt, and no one can attach anything.” The sides of the bridge were reconstructed with large swaths of what looked like Plexiglas, the smooth surface impermeable to the nimble hands of lovers who might want to snap on a lock to pronounce their love.

Josh opened his hand, and I saw a tiny brass padlock where he’d drawn both of our initials inside a heart. But he didn’t lock it to the lamppost or look for a loophole someplace else like dozens of others had already done. He just closed the lock, took out the key, and held it out to me. “I want you to have this.”

I took it from him, even though I didn’t understand the significance. “Thanks.”

“I said you could trust me.”

“I do trust you. That’s what I was saying before.”

“I will love you forever. Or until the day you decide to unlock this thing.”

“I don’t see that happening.”

“Then you’ll never need this,” he said, holding up the key.

Josh flung the tiny key out over the Seine. The gold tone flickered in the waning sunlight until I lost sight of it, but I assumed it eventually landed in the water. Then it sank to the bottom of the river, intermingling with a sea of other tarnished keys, where it would stay forever.

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