Page 75 of French Kiss

Any outsider who walked past and caught sight of the three of us standing in a group hug across the road from a sixth-century abbey might have thought we’d gone a little nuts. But there was comfort in coming to terms with our neuroses and fears about going out into the world in front of a church that had withstood centuries of floods and fires and had survived to remind us that our problems only seemed huge.

“So it’s decided,” Amrita said. “You are not going to follow your ‘plan’ and go off traveling alone. You are going to find Josh and see where it leads.”

“I am?”

“Yeah,” they said together.

“Why would you not?” Amrita asked.

I didn’t have a good reason. Other than fear. And not knowing where he was. But we’d decided those weren’t good enough reasons, so I began turning a new thought over in my mind—the idea of Josh and me having a second chance at our first date. And it made me insanely happy.

We padded over to a table at Café Napoléon, where a waiter brought us coffee and a large bottle of water despite my inability to remember the French words for anything. “Merci, monsieur,” I said, tears welling, when he set the cups down. He nodded like it wasn’t the first time he’d seen a person come to Paris and fall apart.

The coffee was dark and bitter, cut only slightly with the milk, and I savored the taste before saying what I knew had to be said. “I’m not really sure what to do next. I mean, how do I find him?”

“It shouldn’t be that hard. The European Union only has, like, thirty countries. I’m sure he’s in one of them.” Shelby had abandoned her coffee and had the waiter bring her a glass of champagne, which she sipped. “Ah, this is so much better. It’s champagne hour, right?”

“If you say so, honey,” Amrita said, taking a sip herself.

“He probably went back to Germany. Which means—what? I’m getting on another train? For Berlin?”

“Well, I wouldn’t go off and do that until you’re sure he’s there,” Amrita said. “Do you know his parents? Can you call them at least? They’re bound to answer the phone.”

“I met them a couple times when they came to visit,” I said, trying to remember their first names. Then I realized I could probably google them. By the time I’d gone down the list of people in Berlin with the last name Weitz and narrowed it to four, Amrita had ordered a bottle of champagne, and the waiter was pouring our three glasses.

“C’mon, time to live your life,” Amrita said, holding up her glass for a toast. I had no idea what time it was, but what did it matter? I was in Paris, somewhere between laughter and tears, among people who loved me despite my flaws. The three of us toasted, and I took a sip. The cold bubbles fizzed in my throat. “So what have you figured out with all your Sherlock Holmes work over there?” Shelby asked.

“Not much. There are a bunch of people named Weitz in Berlin. Shocker,” I said.

“Why have you suddenly gone shoe-leather?” Amrita asked. “Isn’t there some app you can use to figure out where he is? Don’t you guys use Find My Friends or whatever?”

Of course we did. “I hadn’t even thought about using it here,” I said.

“Because… it’s a different country and they have different rules here? It’s one big friendly world. Where is he?” Amrita asked.

“He could’ve taken himself out of my friend group,” I said, opening the app.

“Wow, you love to look for excuses. It must be exhausting being you,” Amrita said, her increased smack-talking invigorated by the champagne. But she wasn’t wrong.

I opened the map, which took a little while to load because of the spotty Wi-Fi, but then the map began to fill in, first showing Paris and the spot where the three of us were sitting. Then it showed Josh. Still in Paris, on the Right Bank.

“He’s still here,” I said. My heart started pounding but I wasn’t sure if that was in anticipation of seeing him or fear of how it would be.

“There’s your answer. He didn’t leave…” Shelby said, like it meant something I wasn’t comprehending. “That’s a sign…”

“It could just be a sign that he’s on a later train. He doesn’t like to waste money. If going later is cheaper, I guarantee you that’s why he stayed.” I heard myself for the first time the way it must have sounded to Shelby and Amrita. “You’re right, I am the queen of excuses.” They nodded.

“Maybe he stayed for you. Because he knows you and he knows you’ll eventually clue in,” Shelby said.

“I’m betting on the cheaper train ticket,” I said. I wanted to protect myself. I didn’t want to get my hopes up, thinking there could be a chance to put things right. What if I screw it up again? I couldn’t clearly see how things would all play out, and that terrified me.

Amrita put her hand on mine. “It’s gonna work out. You aren’t gonna know when or exactly how, and I know that’s scary for you. It’s scary for everyone. You just have to trust.”

I wasn’t sure I could do that. I’d never not known how point A would get me to point B. I’d always had a plan. But I also knew I was at a crossroads. If I didn’t take a chance, I might not get another shot with Josh. If there was courage in that champagne glass, I had to take advantage of it. “Okay, I’m gonna track him down before he leaves.”

I took another sip of champagne. Amrita and Shelby did the same. I looked up at the sky, which was only a tiny blue stripe between the red-and-blue awnings over the café tables, but its serenity gave me my own. Another perfect summer day.

The only thing missing was my favorite human on other side of the river.

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