Page 54 of French Kiss

The noise of the drops pounding on the awning above made it hard to hear each other. Josh tilted in toward me, and all I wanted was to kiss him on this rainy Paris sidewalk under the perfectly placed overhang, which was shielding us from the wet world around us. It couldn’t have been more romantic and sweet, sitting with him there.

His face was only inches from mine. The few days of stubble made him so attractive, and it was all I could do not to put my hands on his face. I leaned a little closer, looking at his grey-green eyes which had always reassured me that he knew me better than anyone.

But he moved away. “Do we need to talk about this? Us? Is there an us?

I laughed. “There’s always been an us.”

“You know what I mean.”

“I do know what you mean.”

“And?”

“I feel like… I don’t want to dissect it. Or ruin it.”

“Am I doing that now? By looking at you and wondering what it is?”

“No, but… maybe we should try to live in the moment,” I said, laughing because we both knew I wasn’t capable of that. The wheels in my brain were always in overdrive. I hoped he wouldn’t call me on the irony. “I’m happy to be here with you. This is… really nice.”

“Really nice, like, Maddox ditched you, so I’m the nice guy who happens to be here—kind of the next best thing? Or really nice, like, ‘I’ve always secretly been in love with Josh’?” he asked. He was laughing, but his face had a vulnerability that I didn’t want to crush.

“I thought we weren’t going to talk about it.”

He ran a hand through his hair, which had gotten just wet enough in the rain that the motion had the effect of slicking it back. “Yeah. The thing is, I think I need to talk about it.”

I felt nervous suddenly. I wasn’t sure I could articulate how I felt. I wasn’t even sure I knew how I felt. But he was one of my best friends. I couldn’t duck and run. He deserved an honest answer.

“I guess… well, you know I love you to death as a friend. I just don’t know if we’re caught in some kind of Paris romantic vortex or if this is something that’s really happening. Like, beyond tonight.” I watched his expression carefully. I didn’t want to hurt him, but for the first time, I was aware that I didn’t want my feelings crushed either. “What do you want to happen?”

I braced for the words I didn’t want to hear. Here was where he would tell me he’d gotten swept up in the moment and that kissing me had been an accident. Or a mistake. And maybe he was right.

He started to laugh. “What do I want to happen? I mean, look at me. I’m in one of the most romantic cities in the world with an amazing, gorgeous woman who I’ve had a crush on since the day we met. Are you kidding? I want to carry you up to the nearest hotel room and do things with you I can’t say out loud in a public place. I want to make you melt with desire and fall so hard for me that you forget your name. I want you in every possible way.”

Then he seemed to realize all he’d just said and he immediately fell silent. I was still processing everything, wanting to make sure I committed every word to memory, because he’d articulated things no one had ever felt about me. Things I’d only imagined in my fantasies. Things I always dreamed someone would say.

I grabbed his face in my hands and crushed his lips with mine, kissing him hard and deep as he pulled me in closer and returned my hunger with equal intensity. He pushed his hands into my hair and met every contour of my lips with his own. Wanting. Ravenous.

I left my thoughts behind because this kiss didn’t require thinking. There was nothing to debate, no reason to worry about how I’d feel the next day. I just wanted to lose myself in him.

Warmth. Desire. Yearning.

He kissed a trail lightly across my cheek, then pulled back to look at me. “I guess that’s the answer to your question, then.” He smiled and I started to laugh.

“It was a very good answer.”

“Mind if I ask you the same thing?”

I couldn’t make a sweeping pronouncement like Josh had done, but I didn’t think that’s what he was asking for. “I just want to be here with you. Doing this,” I added. “Is that enough?”

He nodded. “For now. I might require another answer after I do more convincing.”

He pulled me onto his lap, and I wrapped my arms around his neck. I had to bend to meet his lips, but it felt good to have him hold me close. Josh was a damn good kisser. I shouldn’t have been surprised. He paid attention to details. Like the contour of my jaw, which he lined with soft kisses. Every touch made me shiver in anticipation of the next one.

No one around us gave us so much as a glance. With the rain cascading down and the French chatter all around us, I felt insulated in our own little bubble. I didn’t see anyone else, and I didn’t need anything else in my world.

When we pulled back, I felt a dizzying wave of emotion. I sipped a little more of my wine, which compounded the feeling I had that I was delving deeper into uncharted territory, falling for Josh, realizing in clear detail all the parts of him I’d been blind to in the past three years.

My heart ached with wanting. With need to see every piece of him that he was willing to share with me. I still didn’t know whether it was the wine or the romance of the city or my bruised heart that was making me look at Josh differently. For the moment, I didn’t want to know.

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