Page 40 of French Kiss

“He didn’t make me come,” Josh said.

“He could have just texted me. I would’ve been mad. I mean, I’m still mad. But it would’ve saved you a trip. Jesus. Like you don’t have anything better to do.”

“He didn’t make me come,” he said again. “I wanted to come. I didn’t want you showing up here and waiting. And eventually feeling like you’d been stood up. I figured that had to suck more than expecting Maddox and seeing me instead.”

I looked at him, a wave of relief flooding my senses and washing away part of the shame I felt about being ditched by Maddox. “Are you kidding? I’m so happy to see you. You have no idea.”

“So it was the right decision. Phew,” he said, running a hand through his hair, which made me realized for the first time that he seemed a little nervous. “I couldn’t leave you standing here alone, reading a text from him.”

“You’re too good to me.” For the hundredth time, I wished I could be attracted to Josh. But as a friend, I couldn’t have loved him more. “Really. I love you for coming.”

“I figured you’d need someone to get drunk with, so… I’m here. I’m your guy.”

“What do you mean? Are you staying in Paris?”

“Well, it’s all been pretty last-minute, but yeah, a friend of my parents has a place where I can crash, and it was available, so it was an easy ask.”

Suddenly, I had to get away from the Eiffel Tower and all the people who’d been drawn to it as if it were the ultimate pilgrimage in Paris. The whole scene with tourists scaling the monument to take in the sweeping views of Paris felt like too much.

I’d imagined my evening unfolding like a page from a romance novel with Maddox and me running up the stairways until we were out of breath then pausing on a landing to take in the view of the city, Maddox standing behind me with his arms around my waist, and then I would turn to look at him, knowing that all those years of flirting had led us to that moment…

I had to rip those images from my mind and get myself pointed in a new direction, and fast. “What were you saying about getting drunk?”

Josh smiled and grabbed my hand, walking me away from the crowds to a grassy space on the Champ de Mars, where suddenly I felt able to breathe for the first time since I’d realized Maddox had stood me up. I also felt tired, so I abruptly plopped down on the green expanse and rolled onto my back, the Eiffel Tower still the most prominent thing in my line of sight.

Josh sat down next to me. “You okay?”

“You mean am I okay after heaving my heart onto the sidewalk and watching a garbage truck roll over it? Yeah, I’m perfect.” I thought about it. I wasn’t even surprised, and that made me understand how little I’d trusted Maddox. It had been crazy to think he’d follow through with a plan, even though he’d seemed so sincere that night up on the roof. This whole situation had reminded me that he was all talk. If it got too real, he bailed.

“You really had a thing for him, huh?” Josh said.

“I don’t know what I had. I think he just got into my head. All that time when he was saying we were meant to be together—of course, it was bullshit. I’m just mad at myself for the asinine wishful thinking. I’m as bad as all the other brainless babes he dated.”

I watched as a group from Fat Tire bike tours laid their bikes on the grass and, at their tour guide’s instruction, began to form a human pyramid. A couple of people were trying to climb to the second level, and one kept falling over. When they finally got balanced, one intrepid man with muttonchops gingerly climbed to the top. They balanced uneasily, shrieking and wobbling, while the tour guide took a few photos with the Eiffel Tower in the background. Then they all tumbled on to the grass, laughing, and debated which photo made for the best Instagram post.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself. He’s a charming guy. Why else do you think he could talk to someone for five minutes and end up dating her for a month?”

“I know. I know him. I dated guys just like him and vowed never to do it again. And I convinced myself he was different… Actually, I thought I was different. I thought I could make him want me more than the other ones. I do this every time.”

Josh rolled over onto his stomach. “You are different. You’re better than all of them combined. He’s intimidated by you.”

“He told me that once, but I figured it was a line.”

“It could’ve been a line.” It made me laugh a little bit.

I put my arm over my eyes to block out the world and the memory of standing alone like an idiot under the Eiffel Tower. “You know, it was a stupid place to meet, if you think about it. If we were gonna have some big romantic reunion, it should have been at the top of the tower.”

“Like in the movie An Affair to Remember. Top of the Empire State Building.”

“Exactly. See, you get it. This is why I like you so much. Who meets under the monument? You meet at the top for the view. Romance 101.”

“He never had to think that hard, and I doubt he saw the movie,” Josh said.

“True.”

Josh looked out over the expanse of grass, where a couple of kids were throwing a Frisbee and a group of friends were posing with a selfie stick, trying to get exactly the right shot with the Eiffel Tower in the background. “He does this to lots of women. This isn’t about you. It’s Maddox.”

“I know. It doesn’t make it feel any better, but I know.”

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