Page 89 of Just Act Natural

I see my mistake right away—his smile has too much apology in it. My stomach twists. Yeah, okay. Maybe I should have tried harder to resist the urge to ask him in.

“I shouldn’t,” he says.

I need to just let it go, say goodnight, and move on. But I can’t do that any more than I could have resisted asking him to come inside my apartment.

“Is everything okay? I thought you were having a good time tonight, but now I feel like maybe I messed up.”

As often as I told myself I would run at the first sign a guy was criticizing me again, right now, I just want to make things right. I’m not even sure the mistake is mine.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Lila.”

“Then what happened?” But an answer comes to me. I should have thought of it before I ever brought him to the party, but I was too focused on myself. “Did it remind you of Kelsey?”

His eyebrows practically knit together in confusion. “Kelsey?”

“Everyone congratulating Hope and Griffin, talkingabout the wedding…” I run a hand over his arm, hoping to find some way to comfort him. “It was thoughtless of me to take you there right after you told me about what happened with her. I’m so sorry. I should have been more careful with you.”

“Careful with me?” He looks to the ceiling, shaking his head, but finally drops his gaze. His eyes lock on mine like a thunderbolt. “I didn’t think about her for one minute, princess. Not one.”

“Then why?—”

“Because I’m the one who should be more careful. I don’t want any confusion.”

“About what?”

“About us.” He pauses a beat, watching me. Telegraphing everything he’s not saying.

My stomach is a bowling ball plummeting through the floor to crash into the pharmacy downstairs in a cloud of dust. I’ve reminded myself he’s only my fake boyfriend over and over again this week, and it pinches every time. But it’s so much worse when he mentions it. Like a slap you never saw coming but maybe you deserve.

Itispretend. Also…none of it is. But we never agreed to more. Letting actual emotions get tangled up is all on me.

He’s right to point out that the romantic part of our relationship is just for show. Between spending so much time together and our soft little confidences and reading together at night, I’d started to think… Well,startedis the wrong word. I’m waist-deep in those thoughts and sinking farther by the minute. But his reminder grabs me by the armpits and lifts me out of that muck onto solid ground.

Solid, realistic, sensible ground.

“Right,” I say. “Us. Yes. There’s no confusion here. We are pals only. Best buds. We have mutually friendzoned each other.”

He narrows his eyes like my agreement went too far. Or not far enough. How am I supposed to tell what he’s feeling anymore? I can’t. I shouldn’t even try.

“Lila—”

“I need to get to bed anyway. It’s been a long day.” I fake a huge yawn until a real one kicks in and nearly unhinges my jaw.

He frowns, but I definitely don’t want to hear more about how he doesn’t want me to beconfused. I didn’t think I was until he said that. Now I amallconfusion.

I sat in his lap half the night. He kissed my face. He smelled my neck. Which seems to be a common thing for him, but still. He was the perfect boyfriend in front of my family and friends. Iknowit’s all fake. I do.

So why is his clarification making me this muddled?

I can’t let it. I need to get back on that fake boyfriend train and ride it until—wait. No. Terrible metaphor.

“You’ll tell me if you have more outdoorsy things you want to do, right?” I am so cheerful it hurts. Mostly in my sad, confused little heart.

His mouth twitches like he’s debating his options. I shouldn’t be internally begging him to say yes. Haven’t I learned anything? Seems like the lesson doesn’t want to take.

“How about a bike ride this week?” he offers.

It’s a crumb, but I’m only too happy to snatch it up.No lessons learned here. I am unteachable!

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