Page 42 of Just Act Natural

Of course they did. Everybody wants to be on Joshua Brandt’s good side. Tech genius, media darling, one of Seattle’s rising stars. Nobody was going to choose me in that scenario.

Grant’s thumb traces patterns over the back of my hand, grounding me.

“It sounds so stupid, but a few months ago, I hadeverything. Now, I’m back in my hometown, trying to claw my way into a decent job, and wishing I could live up to the Lila everybody thinks I am. Sometimes I feel like a teacup that nobody realizes has been smashed and broken.”

He lets go of my hand, and for half a second, fear worms its way into my chest. I’ve said too much. I’m too much work. He’s going to walk away and leave me here in the wilderness.

But he wraps his arm around my shoulders, holding me tightly against him. “You’re not broken, princess.”

I stare at the stars and pretend the fresh tears falling down my cheeks are because of the night sky’s overwhelming beauty instead of a very different sense of overwhelm.

“Sounds like he didn’t know how good he had it,” Grant says.

I sniffle but have to laugh, too. “That’s not as comforting as I thought it would be when I said it.”

“He sounds like a complete idiot who didn’t deserve you. I’d like to meet up with him and say some choice words. Is that better?”

“That’s much better.” I lay my head on his shoulder and relax against him. “What are the choice words?”

“‘I am going to punch you in the face.’”

“Eloquent.”

We look at the stars for a while longer. I don’t know why, but my heart feels a little bit lighter. Is that all it takes? Confessing my deepest hurts and humiliations to a mountain man? I’ve been carrying around all this guilt from the breakup, counting it as one more piece of evidence that I’m a fraud. That’s notgone, but right here and now, it can’t touch me.

“This is it,” I tell Grant. “This is the good part of the journey.”

Even if I don’t get the promotion, this moment under the stars makes the whole trip worth it.

To be clear—I have no idea what I’ll do if Idon’tget that promotion. But I wouldn’t trade this moment for anything else.

He holds me tighter, and I swear his lips brush against my temple. “It’s the good part for me, too.”

I don’t know if confessing our past heartbreaks makes climbing into adjoining sleeping bags an hour later better or worse. I shimmy into mine as quickly as possible, trying to make room for Grant to get comfortable, too. Theshh-shhof our sleeping bags slipping against each other feels crazy loud in the stillness. We lie down as though it isn’t thoroughly awkward to share this kind of space after knowing each other a handful of days.

Maybe it isn’t awkward. Maybe co-ed stranger sleeping arrangements are normal on long hiking trips. It’s just thatnoneof this feels quite normal. But Grant’s totally unaffected.

That’s a good thing. He’s not making this weird. Somehow, though, him being calm is just amplifying my weirdness. I can’t explain it.

I watch him as well as I can in the darkness. “Are you facing me?”

“This is the side I sleep on.”

“This is the sideIsleep on.” We’re lying face-to-face in a tiny tent. Okay…that’s not troublesome at all. “We’re going to breathe on each other.”

This isn’t what I’m worried about, but it’s not like I can just say,Hey, what are the odds we wind up tangled against each other in the night?Or, more concerningly,What if sleeping cuddled next to you is exactly as cozy and comfortable as Iimagine it would be, and it ruins all other sleeping arrangements for me forever?

I’ve been doing a lot of imagining lately.

He chuckles softly. “I’m not worried about you breathing on me, princess.”

“I get really bad morning breath.”

“I’ll survive.”

He should really take the threat more seriously, but I guess that’s on him.

“What if I have a nightmare and kick you in the night?”

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