Page 26 of The Headmistress

Sam groaned and made a serious face, though she suspected her scolding had very little effect on Lily, who looked less than rueful and more impish and mischievous by the minute.

“Please don’t ever refer to her in those terms. She’s like thirty years your senior. And the Headmistress.”

“Pfft, I have eyes and so do you, teach. I see you watching her sometimes.” Sam stopped breathing for a second, and her whole body went still. But before she could object, Lily enveloped her in a massive bear hug, effectively ending any and all protests that could come from her.

“It’s okay. She’s not all bad, you know. You’re allowed to like her. Joanne told me as much.”

“Joanne?” Sam groaned and disentangled herself from Lily’s arms, sitting on the bed and covering her suddenly heated face with her hands. “Is there anyone around here who isn’t convinced I somehow have the hots for the Headmistress?”

Lily made a thoughtful face, before laughing cheekily. “Wow, way to go way too far here, Threadneedle. All I was implying was that the Headmistress is pretty decent, and you seem to think so too. That’s what Joanne said. How did you jump from ‘she’s not so bad’ to ‘having the hots’ for her?”

At Sam’s obvious distress at possibly having outed herself to the girl, Lily sat up closer to her on the bed and held out a hand, which Sam took.

“You know I appreciate you? I always knew where I stood with you. From the get-go. There were people who were nice to me but ugly behind my back, but you were always genuine. Your heart said as much, hence your face said as much. Supportive and kind to a fault. A bleeding heart through and through, Sam. Are you giving Headmistress Nox a hard time now because she’s taking too long in making the decision on the whole scholarship situation?”

Sam was startled at the emotional maturity and intelligence the seventeen-year-old possessed.

“Lily, I just worry about you.”

“Look, she’s talked to me. Sat me down, and unlike many other folks in my life, she took the time to listen. People believe I’m some tragic character, but she didn’t assume anything. She asked about my folks and if they were supportive. What my childhood looked like. She never for a second treated me like a cliche. Sure, I’ve known her for all of three weeks, and she might still can Amanda and Suz and all the others by closing the scholarship loophole at Dragons, but I feel like at least she’s not treating us any differently because we’re gay or trans.”

Sam squeezed her hand gently. “I wish there was something we all could do though, kid.”

“Yeah, sitting and waiting thoroughly sucks. I feel like one of those characters in a romance novel, that’s just there, you know, no agency or anything. Just waiting for someone to do something and bam, it’s all roses. I mean, it’s pretty boring, unless there’s a major shake-up at like 80% of the book or some other fallout like a murder, or a natural or manmade disaster!”

Lily smiled, and while said smile was infectious and seemed genuine, Sam was sure her delightful silliness was meant to lighten the mood. But Sam remained serious and unconvinced, prompting the girl to sigh and shake her head as if she was the teacher and Sam a recalcitrant student.

“The charter says what it says, teach. Scholarships aren’t a real institutionalized thing. Should they be? Heck yes! But for now, it’s all in Headmistress McHot’s hands. And I have a feeling even that is a stretch. The trustees and some of the parents have raised hell. She’s trying to walk a lot of lines here.”

“God, Lils, she shouldn’t be walking any lines when it comes to scholarships at all. Private schools have had scholarships since the beginning of time. Dragons was just always a bit weird about them, because the founders thought that if anyone can apply for scholarships it will...” Sam faltered.

Lily gave her a lopsided grin.

“It will dilute their blue blood? Expose their rich and fancy daughters to the masses of commoners? All true. I’m a legacy kid, teach. You’re forgetting that once upon a time my family had the money to pay for all of this, and the tuition here is not cheap at all. In fact, it is in the upper echelon of fees in New England. But,times, they are a-changing,as Dylan sang. And you know Amanda and I checked other schools and their fees—all of them—are out of our reach and we would not be able to stay together...”

Lily’s wise and rather too sanguine comments about her potential future were frightening to Sam.

“Kid, you and Amanda and Suzie have one year left, and with your grades and talents and skills, you will be able to apply to the best colleges in the country. You shouldn’t be seeking other high schools, you should be focusing on the now and on your talent, and maybe on getting up on those crutches and healing that leg there, missy.”

“Man, and they call it the optimism of youth. You’re not that young anymore, teach, to have these unrealistic beliefs. The world is a pretty place, and everything is rainbows and unicorns according to you. You’re making me into some kind of martyr when I refuse to be one. My life is my own. Amanda’s life is her own. So is Suzie’s.”

The girl shifted and wrapped her arms around herself tightly, before her eyes fell on the crutches that stood neatly by the bed within her reach, clearly placed there by Magdalene’s careful hands.

“Headmistress Nox has treated me and the rest of the scholarship kids pretty much like completely average students. Not once has she asked about me being trans, notwhenI transitioned, nothowI transitioned. She wanted to know about my favorite subjects and what I planned to do after I graduate and if I was happy here. She asked about my relationship with my peers. Things an educator would ask pretty much any high-schooler. She allowed me to go on and on and on about Amanda and I think she thought I was sweet. I mean, who wouldn't think I was sweet?”

A dimpled cheeky grin was contagious and Sam smiled in return.

“We talked about our favorite books and how, a long time ago, she wanted to be an artist too, but how she didn’t quite have the talent. She also told me that she wanted to be an actress once upon a time.”

Sam’s eyes went wide at the revelations that kept coming, but Lily soldiered on.

“Headmistress Fenway turned the scholarship students into some kind of battle flag, something to protect and rally around, but we’re just kids who want to be left alone to enjoy our lives. I can’t speak for the rest of the girls, but I haven’t had a bad one so far. My parents love me, my friends treasure me, my girlfriend finds me cute and funny and adorable and you have to admit, Sam, how many people can say they have it as good as I do?”

Sam’s face colored for a completely different reason this time. Did she too, in her desire to protect and shield, make Lily feel like less? Did she diminish her individuality, when Lily herself was a wonderful bouquet of beautiful and amazing qualities? And hadn’t she oftentimes felt the same in her days as a student at Dragons, when the whole world only saw her differences, her otherness, instead of seeing the person underneath.

“Would I like to have a little bit more agency in this story of my life? Sure. Would I like to have more say in the decisions that are being made regarding my tuition? Yes. And so do all the scholarship girls. But tell me, honestly, how much agency do you have? How much agency does Professor Dorsea have? I think the only true agency holder in this whole story of ours is Headmistress McHot.” She said the last one with a barely held back grin, and Sam couldn’t help but reciprocate in kind.

“I’m sorry, Lils.”

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