Page 40 of The Headmistress

“We’ve been tearing you to pieces for weeks now, almost months. Probably years, my girl. I don’t think either Orla or I considered what this might be doing to you.” She stood carefully—Sam knew her vertigo had been flaring up again these past few days, and her heart went out to her old guardian.

“Your whole life—either by intention or by circumstance—these stone giants and this school have been everything for you. Your home, your family, when you’ve had nothing. And now your loyalties are tested in the worst ways possible. Your home or your heart? Horrible thing to make you choose, little one. I apologize.”

“Jo…”

“Time to distinguish between what’s good for you, and what’s good for Dragons. Orla always half-jokes that you’re the Fourth Dragon, and I know that that has never sat comfortably on your shoulders. I think it’s time you either fully embrace it, or shake off that moniker.”

When Sam had called after her, she hadn’t stopped. Instead, she’d simply made her way to the door and quietly closed it behind herself, leaving the room empty of everything but anguish.

* * *

Watching the waves foam up against the side of the ferryboat, Sam was lost in the realization that Joanne had figured her out, had read whatever had been on her face for close to two months now and had come to the right conclusions. She was being asked to choose between loyalty to her home and fealty to the new desire growing in her heart. She could not yet call it love—it was too soon and too raw—this thing that was blossoming between Magdalene and her. But her heart was no longer unencumbered, and the conflict was indeed tearing at her. Knowing that at least one of her friends understood and stopped pushing her to make an impossible choice, felt like a reprieve, but was not enough.

Sam knew she had to stop equating her own happiness with that of the school, but at the same time, she cared way too much about Lily and the other scholarship girls, and about the very stones and brick and mortar that made up the foundation of who she was. And if Magdalene went too far in executing the trustees’ orders? Where would that leave Sam? She did not want to contemplate the fallout, because she would lose both her home and her heart in a single swoop of the Headmistress’ pen.

Still, her heart had been steadfast in its desire to stand up and protect Magdalene as well. From everything she’d seen and was shown by the Headmistress, she was overwhelmingly good at her job. And the previous day, standing up to Alden and kneeling down in front of Magdalene, Sam had made the decision that it was time to let go. Just this once. If Lily and Amanda and the rest of the girls felt like they could trust and rest easy in Magdalene’s proverbial hands, why should Sam be apprehensive about doing the same in the actual ones?

Because, Sam thought, she desperately wanted Magdalene to save Dragons and by extension save her as well, from loneliness, from lovelessness. And wasn’t that a kick in the teeth after fancying herself the savior and the protector?

They arrived at the Sheriff’s department around midday and with six girls, Sam, and Magdalene needing to make their statements, it took them the remainder of the afternoon to get through everyone. Since they’d known the last ferry would be gone by the time they were through, they had promised Lily and the rest a movie, shopping, and ice cream the next day as a reward for their troubles with the cops, and retreated to the small bed-and-breakfast where they’d booked four rooms in advance. Sam knew all this because George had made a huge production about who’d be rooming with whom, making jokes and fooling around with the girls about their sleeping arrangements. Of course, both Sam and Magdalene were to have separate accommodations.

Later, they chose a quiet diner on Main Street for their dinner, the cozy Americana of red vinyl booths, and the scents of apple pie hitting just the right notes after the day they’d had. The meal was a quiet affair, the girls exhausted after their interviews and the excitement of being on the mainland. Tomorrow would be a long day of even more elation, and they were all soaking in the calm before the impending retail storm.

Raising her eyes from her mostly uneaten fries and untouched burger, Sam ran straight into a thoughtful gaze from Magdalene, whose fork was mindlessly picking at a Cesar salad that was more spread across the plate than eaten. With the voices of the girls around them fading into the background, they watched each other steadily, and the room seemed to obtain a kind of pulse, a vibration that originated from Magdalene’s chest and found a home in Sam’s, its steady beat akin to a litany in Sam’s ears.

Lily coughed noisily next to her, jostling Sam from her daydream. She blinked once, then twice, trying to understand where she was and what was happening around her. Seconds ago Magdalene had been the be-all and end-all, and Sam’s mind was stubbornly refusing to return from that unfolding fantasy. With one last, brief glance at Magdalene, she saw those sharp cheekbones tinged with a hint of pink, and it only inflamed Sam more, that small yet telling reaction in the other woman. All they had to do was survive this hour… And then what?

Sam took a long gulp from her ice water and almost choked on it, realizing that she had no answer to this question. Two nights ago Magdalene had walked out on her in the middle of one of the hottest kisses of Sam’s life. Screw it,theabsolute hottest. Not even their kisses in Manhattan compared. Somehow the proximity and the connection they’d been building in the past two months, as adversarial as it had been, had made the longing all the sweeter. Sam had wanted Magdalene in New York, but Sam craved her now, her hunger overflowing the confines of the small rustic diner. She was certain it radiated from her in waves, and Magdalene’s pink cheekbones told her as much.

Lily coughed again, finally managing to drag her attention from her conundrum, only to nod towards the oblivious others and smirk victoriously once Sam turned her way. Her whisper was conspiratorial.

“Never ever play poker, teach, ever. Trust me on this one.” Sam wanted to bristle, but with this particular kid, so insightful and intuitive, denial was only going to draw more of Lily’s attention to whatever she thought she saw. Misdirection was better. She took a quick look around to make sure nobody paid them any attention before lowering her own voice.

“Do not think that you ‘volunteering’ to stay with Amanda somehow escaped my attention, Lils. Should I be knocking on your door every other hour or so, just to make sure you’re alright and haven’t expired from all the teenage angst?”

Lily paled and hastily swallowed the chunk of burger she had the misfortune of chewing as Sam spoke. She choked on it, and now the attention of the whole table was indeed on them. At Magdalene’s raised eyebrow, Sam thumped Lily on the back gently and winked.

“Nothing the matter here, right Lils, just us talking about how all the weirdness of sleeping in a new place might turn out.”

Lily was fully crimson by the time she finally managed to draw a full breath, and she sheepishly refused to look at either Sam, or Magdalene, or Amanda for that matter, until their dinner was over.

Sooner than Sam expected, the girls filtered out, one by one or in pairs, wishing them a good night, heading back to the B&B, leaving her and Magdalene alone with only dirty dishes between them. Sam chose not to consider this some kind of metaphor for all the unresolved issues still lingering where they were concerned. Secrets and anguish littered their nascent relationship, and Sam involuntarily made a gesture of sweeping the few crumbs onto her still half-full plate, effectively tidying the little space on the table in front of her. Like this inconsequential clean-up would magically give resolution to the minefield between them.

As if reading her mind, Magdalene’s lips twitched, and then it felt like she gave up resisting and the smile blossomed fully, her whole face transforming from cool repose to brilliant contentedness.

“Sam… Sam… Sam… What am I going to do with you?” The voice, dripping with amusement like thick honey, still managed to transcend the innuendo and land somewhere too sensual for a provincial diner at closing time. Sam feared the red vinyl benches they sat on might spontaneously combust from the sheer suggestiveness in that one question. And the way Magdalene had said her name… No amount of ice water in the world would cool her off.

“I mean, this could be construed as a trick question?” She tried for cheeky and was rewarded with such a smoldering expression in those now almost fully amber eyes, that she crossed her legs tighter, uselessly seeking relief.

But then, just as suddenly as the eyes had turned hot, Magdalene lowered them and bit her lip, looking away, indecision evident in her gesture.

“Sam, I’m not saying no. I’m asking you to consider that, while some circumstances have changed, the things that divide us are still just as present here as they were on Dragons…” She didn’t finish her sentence, but Sam felt the gravity of the moment in her bones. Never before had she been at a crossroads with so much riding on her decision. Looking at the now distant and withdrawn profile, the sharp line of the jaw, the chiseled cheekbones, the straight, graceful line of the nose, its delicate wings flaring with barely restrained emotion, Sam thought perhaps there was no decision to be made at all. Like she had been taking little steps towards this very moment her entire life, and now that it had arrived, she realized that there was no alternative on the table.

Hadn’t she felt it from the very beginning, from the very first time she’d inhaled the subtle scent of wild jasmine warmed by flawless skin, that she had known this woman forever, that she held her in her bones, that she carried this woman as a dream, in her every night, in her every waking hour.

So instead of answering, Sam simply extended her hand, palm up on the table she’d just cleaned herself. Normally a gesture of supplication, it was anything but, and Magdalene’s breath catching told her as much. Sam wasn’t begging anymore. She was making a decision. She was choosing and letting Magdalene either follow her lead or fold. For a second it all felt suspended, and Sam was afraid to breathe. Yet the moment stretched for too long, and perhaps it was time to do more than breathe.

Sam stood up, disturbing the table and startling them both, and what was reflected in her eyes seemed to surprise Magdalene. But as seconds ticked by, Sam felt her own decision crystalizing, and when she finally extended her hand again, Magdalene took it without hesitation, her cool fingers trembling slightly in Sam’s grip before she visibly willed them to steady. When Magdalene spoke her voice was resolute.

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