Page 30 of Holiday Tides

Summer

The icy slap of the evening wind feels like a feathered caress compared to having Nick show an—honestlyadorable—moment of vulnerability before finishing with a cocky smile and a jab. His smirk revealed the deceptively sweet interaction to be what it was…an act.

Just like graduation night.

Nick may not have truly grown up in our time apart, but I’m not that naive girl anymore. I’m a professionally accomplished, fully grown adult who doesn’t need to be associating with jerks who play games.

No, thank you.

My face fumes in deference to the freezing weather, half listening to Ezra detailing Wilks Beach nightlife. Since Bayside Table is the only bar and restaurant on the island, they host music trivia on Tuesdays, karaoke on Thursdays, and live music on Saturdays. These happen at the outdoor bar and dance floor beside the large grassy area dotted with picnic tables and yard games south of the restaurant. In December, however, onlyChristmas Karaoke remains, taking over on Saturday nights after the kitchen closes at nine.

Two-thirds of the attendees of Aldon’s party have scattered among the tables centered around a makeshift stage area in front of the bay-facing windows. There’s hardly an open seat in the packed restaurant, but I spot a newly familiar face among the crowd. Vivian, the owner of Vivian’s Alterations, and the reason why I’m wearing my favorite holiday dress, sits by herself, tucked into a booth. Making my excuses to Ezra, I head over.

“Hey,” I say, sliding onto the opposite bench. “What are you doing over here all by yourself?”

“Oh, I—” She grimaces at her hands, twisting a silver ring on her pinky. “I, um…well…”

“Vivian likes to keep to herself.” Nick’s voice makes my shoulders pinch, but I find him smiling kindly at her when I look up. “Hey, Vivian. Good to see you.”

“You too.” Her grin is small but sincere.

I noticed that Vivian wasn’t particularly chatty when I dropped off my dress, but she asked pertinent questions about the garment, estimated a cost for a zipper replacement, and set up a pickup schedule without stumbling over words.

“She’d probably be more comfortable if you left her alone,” he adds.

I bristle at Nick’s assumption. “How about you let her speak for herself?”

Vivian opens her mouth, closes it, and opens it again.

My stomach clenches as unease slips over my shoulders. I’ve worked with enough shy kids to know thatI’min the wrong here. Still, I can’t give Nick the satisfaction of knowing that.

“It’s probablyyoumaking her uncomfortable, Nick.” I over enunciate the K sound in his name. “Why don’t you leave us alone?”

“That’s not— Fine.” He tosses my coat on the table and storms away. Meanwhile, Vivian looks as if she might throw up.

“I’m sorry,” I say gently. “I won’t make you chat with me, and I’ll leave as soon as I can. I just…” I blow out a tense breath. “I just need a space to sit and collect myself. As soon as he’s distracted, I’ll slip out the door. Is it okay if I’m here for a few minutes?”

When Vivian gives me a tiny smile as her chin dips, I sag with relief. “Thank you.”

My arms fold over the table before I nestle my head between them. I no longer care if I’m smudging my makeup or ruffling my hair. All the time I spent creating a glossy version of myself was pointless. Someone’s butchering Wham!’s “Last Christmas,” but I’ll take it over Nick jumbling my insides with what Ithinkis actual interest and then setting those stupid, foolish hopes on fire.

Being with Nick tonight had me coiled tight from the second I opened my front door, and his mouth fell open, speechless. I really thought that something had transitioned between us, switched to abeforeandafter.Beforewas cocky Nick Watson constantly mocking me, using his financial advantage to my detriment, making me feel less than.Afterwas Nick teasing me, but in a way that felt good-natured if not flirty, being there when I needed him, wanting to spend time with me.

Looks like my dreams ofafterwere all in my mind.

“I’m such an idiot,” I murmur to the table beneath my nose.

The sudden desire to talk this out with someone is so overwhelming a sheen of tears collects at the corners of my eyes. I obviously can’t talk to Kayla. Of my siblings, I’m closest with Sage but could never talk about relationships with her. She worries that I’ll die alone like Simon likely will, but not all of us meet our soulmate in debate club freshman year and get happilymarried soon thereafter. She’s the exception, not the rule, and can’t seem to fathom why it’s so hard for the rest of us.

“You’re not an idiot.” Vivian’s voice is as even as it was earlier when we’d spoken in her adorable tailor’s shop.

IknowI should bite my lip and keep quiet. I know, okay? She doesn’t want me here any more than I want to be here, but it’s been a crap week, and I really,reallyneed to vent. Not moving so I can later claim that I was confessing to the table and not bothering this sweet, gracious human, I begin.

“He’s just so infuriating. Always mocking me. Always messing with me. I thought maybe, maybe”—a hard laugh pushes from me—“that things had changed. He was saying all these sweet things at the party and then played the piano. Don’t get me started on how hot it is that he’s learning an instrument later in life. People always think that life ends in your twenties, but I remind parents that this is a short season.

“Let’s say their child lives to sixty, which honestly is on the early side. They’re only little for a third of their lifetime. Now, what if they make it to eighty? Then childhood is only a fourth. Most of their relationship with their child will be the adulthood years, so it’s okay if they hate some parts of their kids being little. They don’t have to sit through another episode ofPaw Patrolif they’d rather take a shower, or have a quiet glass of wine on the porch and stare into the void. It’s not the end of the world if they miss one baseball game while at a work conference as long as—”

I stop myself, raising my head with a wince. “Sorry. I really went on a rant there. I’ll be quiet from now on.” I mime sealing my lips and throwing away the key.

---