Page 16 of Between Our Hearts

?Chapter 8?

Like usual, Clark got to Peaceably Park fifteen minutes before class to help Miles unload his truck. The former SEAL, now fitness trainer, creator, and owner of Dad Bod Fitness, hopped down from the driver’s seat with a warm wave. The outdoor group fitness class was comprised solely of fathers and their stroller-secured children. When Clark had started attending class a few weeks after Lottie was born, Miles had brought his fraternal twins with him, but now that they were both in kindergarten, he taught the class solo.

“Mornin’.”

“Hey.” Clark opened the tailgate and reached in to grab the twenty, thirty, and forty-pound medicine balls.

They exchanged small talk while unloading the free weights, plates, and a large tire. Lottie sang a stumbly version of “The Itsy Bitsy Spider” from her spot strapped in the stroller.

Dad Bod Fitness gave Clark a routine and allowed him to get a good workout in, but he’d also gained an indispensable community. Having other fathers, most of whom were full-time, stay-at-home dads like him, to ask questions had given Clark a lifeline in the unpredictable and sometimes angry sea that was parenting.

No, still getting up every two hours at eight weeks wasn’t unusual.

Yes, she’ll drool more before she cuts her first tooth.

No, licking sand from her fingers while she plays in the sandbox wasn’t weird for a nine-month-old.

Yes, it’s okay on a really tough toddler day to let her eat goldfish crackers for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

As much as he’d leaned on his community for the best way to prepare sweet potatoes for baby food or how to potty train, Clark’s neck pinched thinking of how to broach the subject that weighed heavily on his mind this morning.

The rest of the regulars filed in over the next couple of minutes, parking their kids in a circle in the middle of the ramada so the older kids could socialize and the babies could see each other. Lottie squealed and grabbed the hand of her little friend Omar when his stroller was locked into place next to hers.

At nine o’clock, Miles announced, “Two laps around the perimeter of the park, and then we’ll get to work.”

Every dad was welcome at the class, and there were varied fitness levels in attendance. A few of them started walking and chatting with each other, and several others ran, but Clark settled into an easy jog, trying to let his mind clear. He hadn’t slept much last night. Every time Sadie had moved in her sleep, he’d awoken. She’d gotten up earlier than normal to get to the office for her appointments today, and he’d lain in bed pretending to be asleep, listening to the sounds of her getting ready.

When she’d spent longer than usual in the shower, his heart had felt as if it was dissolving. The knowledge that she had probably been crying under the water—but if he’d walked into their bathroom he’d be unwelcome—had pressed all the air out of his body.

Clark pulled a hard breath into his lungs and focused on the picturesque park around him. The line of cherry trees along the paved running path had long since bloomed and now were brimming with new green leaves. Azalea bushes covered in pink, red, and white blossoms dotted the ground between their trunks. His eye caught on a groundswoman holding a watering can over three flowering plants in the mulch bed of a lone sweetgum maple along the edge of the park.

“What’s up, Clark?” Jayce caught up and settled into pace beside him.

“Hey.” He pulled his gaze to his friend’s face.

“Miles said we’re doing partner class today. Want to pair up?” Since they were close in physical strength and stamina, they usually did on partner workout days.

“Sounds good. How’d your game go?”

Jayce was in an amateur, but very intense, men’s soccer league, and they’d had a game the night before. Listening to Jayce give a play-by-play, Clark felt his shoulders lower a fraction.

He let a little over half the class pass before he broached the subject that weighed heavily on his mind. “I want to ask you about something.” Miles had separated all the stations at least twenty feet away from each other, but Clark still kept his voice down to prevent being overheard.

Clark chest passed the forty-pound medicine ball to his partner, mirroring the curtsy squat left and then right before preparing his hands to catch the ball again.

“Yeah?” The words came out with a grunt as Jayce passed the ball back.

The lump that had been near constant in this throat all morning felt as big as the ball in his hands as he swallowed over it. “Sadie miscarried yesterday.”

Jayce’s squat faltered, but he recovered quickly. “That sucks. I’ve been there. There’s nothing worse. I’m sorry.” He caught the ball. “Are you okay?”

It was the first time someone had asked him that, and Clark had to grit his teeth hard to keep the liquid threatening at the edge of his vision from joining the sweat on his face.

“Yeah. I’m all right,” he lied.

They moved in silence for a few rounds before he continued, “I just . . . she won’t talk to me about it, and I don’t know how to make things better. It seems like whatever I do is always the wrong thing.”

“Give her some time. It just happened. It can be really jarring.”

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