Page 61 of Between Our Hearts

Her gaze volleyed between their therapist’s neutral face and her husband’s painfully scrunched brow.

“Do I have to like it?” she asked Tara.

“No. Of course not,” she said. “You just have to acknowledge that this is what he wants at this point in time.” Tara let a pause settle between them before gently asking, “Do you want to explain to Clark why this change bothers you?”

The single sip of coffee she’d managed to stomach this morning was trying to come back up and choke her. “I’ll try.”

She took a measured breath, reminding herself that the only way to keep Clark in her life was to open up her body and let him see all her ugly insides—to be brutally honest.

“I never wanted children,” Sadie told their therapist. “Actually, that’s not true. I never thought I could have children because it didn’t seem to be an option for me. I’d chosen to pursue this incredibly challenging career that I loved, and I knew I wouldn’t want to stop working to have a family. But then I met Clark, and all the obstacles I’d set up for myself, that society had set up for me, seemed to fall away. He always made everything so easy, so effortless. He made this dream I couldn’t have even imagined a reality, and that’s why I tried so hard this last year to fulfill the last part of it for him. For us.”

She cautioned a glance at her husband, and an unmistakable dampness sheened over his expressive eyes.

“I love you, Clark.” Her voice cracked as tears collected in her own eyes. “I’ve always loved you. I just”—she shook her head and an errant drop raced down her nose before she could swipe at it—“I got lost in all of this. I’m sorry.”

Her face was pressed against the coolness of her husband’s collar before she registered that her fists had balled the fabric over his heart. Clark’s arms wove around her, gripping her securely. Her husband’s strong heartbeat pulsing against her temple helped quiet the tumultuous emotions reverberating through her body.

“But that’s exactly why we have to stop, love.” His voice was hoarse. “I can’t have this anymore. I can’t have you suffering and me helpless in the distance and then trying to deal with my sadness on my own.” He leaned back to gently chase the tears from her cheeks with his thumb. “I’d like to spend our time working on getting us to a better place. You need to fix bones. I need to fix us.”

“I want to fix us, too, but . . .” The rest of the words—wondering if he’d be happy with just her, wondering if she was enough on her own—slammed against the bones inside her skull, but as much as she tried, they wouldn’t pass over her lips.

A solemn smile crossed Clark’s face. “You and Lottie are enough for me. As long as I have you two, everything else is just a bonus.”

???

The fact that Sadie was able to focus on her midmorning operation after the emotional therapy session with Clark was a testament to her professionalism. By the time she broke for lunch, nearly all of the clouded sensation that hovered throughout her clavicular stabilization surgery had dissipated.

Baylee handed Sadie her phone and pager. “Two personal texts, one from Dr. Bauer—which was non-urgent, and three pages I passed on to your resident on the floor.”

“Thank you.” She pulled on her white coat and took the two devices from her circulating nurse. “See you in thirty minutes.”

“We’ll be ready for you, Dr. Carmichael.”

Clipping her pager to the waistband of her scrubs, she looked over the long text from Linus, barely keeping a barking laugh from leaving her mouth. Apparently, Josh had attempted to air his complaints about Sadie being late to surgery to one of the older members of their practice this morning during rounds. In front of the entire ortho floor, Dr. Olivares had roasted Josh about a time he’d missed the first half of a surgery—which Sadie hadn’t known about—because Josh had been caught in a storage closet with one of the nurses from the ER.

Linus had typed, “And I quote, Ricardo said, ‘If you can be late for having yourchorratwo inches into, let’s hope, a consenting staff member, Dr. Carmichael can sleep in one day.’” Then Linus detailed that Dr. Olivares had shaken his head and muttered something in Spanish that caused one of the nearby nurses to burst into laughter. Linus admitted he didn’t know what Ricardo had said, but it probably wasn’t complimentary.

Sadie:That’s hilarious. I wish I could have been there.

She snorted after sending Linus the text, imagining the scene as she climbed the stairs to the hospital doctor’s lounge. She quickly toggled to the message from Parker.

Parker:Hey toots. This is me being a caring, non-emotionally stunted friend and checking on you.

Sadie had sent a quick message on the way home from Lake Trail Park yesterday afternoon stating she didn’t need to crash on Parker’s couch again. Since her friend had been at the hospital on shift, she’d lit up Sadie’s phone with a wide variety of celebratory GIFs.

Sadie:Lol. I’m good. Thanks for checking.

Out of habit, she saved the message from Clark for last. Pausing twenty feet from the lounge door and pressing herself against the hallway wall, she took a deep breath before reading it.

Clark:I love you, Sadie. Thank you for this morning.

On impulse, she hit call, and when Clark picked up, he sounded winded. “Hey, love.” The tone, inflection, and ease with which her pet name tumbled off his tongue made her heart thump in her neck.

“Hi.” Her voice almost cracked.

“Lottie was just asking about you. Right before she decided to go full-sprint toward the poison ivy in the back trees and I had to catch her. Say hi to Mama, little love.”

“Hi, Mama” sounded over the phone, and Sadie had to look up and blink back the wetness flooding over her eyes.

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