Page 51 of Between Our Hearts

Linus must have agreed with her because her ever-reddening face soothed as she stood still and listened for a long time.

Turning on her heel, she resumed pacing. “This is just because he doesn’t have a life outside the OR—” She paused, nodding emphatically. “Right, you’ve got four kids, but he never came after you when Jonah was admitted with RSV and you rescheduled a week’s worth of surgeries to be with him. The rest of us understood and helped you out.”

She paused again and loosened the fingers that had been clenched into a fist. “Thank you for saying that.” Sadie was silent before her head dipped sharply once. “Okay. Thanks for the heads up, Linus. I appreciate it.”

Her finger punched the screen before she looked up with a forcefully blown breath.

No customers were nearby, so he said, “Let me guess? Josh is being a dick again and trying to get your job?”

“Yes.” His wife’s hand gripped her phone as her jaw clenched. “A giant usurping dickhead. He’s trying to build a case for my dismissal from directorship because I was late that day and I stepped out of surgery on another occasion.”

“Can he do that?”

“No. Not really, but he can bring up the fact that I don’t have a perfect record to the attention of the group. Which I suppose is his goal. Seed doubt, maybe? I don’t know.” She slammed her phone face down on the play table.

Lottie kicked and whimpered at his side chanting, “Mama.” Sadie looked up with a long exhale and outstretched her arms. Clark was unsure if he should hand Lottie over, but when Sadie gathered their daughter to her chest, the anger that twisted her features seemed to dissipate. Her auburn lashes settled serenely on her cheeks as she inhaled their daughter’s scent. The two most important people in his life tightly held each other while the humming noise of the market swept around them.

That swinging two by four to the chest sensation knocked the breath from his lungs. Everything fell away as realization dawned—before Lottie’s accidental pregnancy, Sadie had mentioned not wanting kids. Though she clearly relished being their daughter’s mother, maybe the only reason she kept trying after each miscarriage was because he’d always mentioned that he wanted two children.

A burning sensation flared beneath his breastbone as an agonizing resonance shot down his forearms and stung the pads of his fingers. Yesterday, Sadie had only given him a glimpse of how hard this year had been on her, revealing an ounce of suffering when she’d clearly been experiencing an ocean full. They should have had the conversation about stopping a long time ago, but his wife had been so insistent, and he’d been preoccupied with the idea of a sibling for Lottie.

But their daughter wasn’t destined to have the childhood he had. The circumstances of each were entirely different. He had resources that his parents had never had. Plus, he was a different person than his father, who’d been a quiet introvert who hadn’t really been interested in scheduling playdates for him. Lottie’s two-and-a-half-year-old life was already filled with more playground sessions, swim lessons, and afternoon activities than he’d had in his entire childhood.

Againhe hadn’t protected his strong, determined wife when he should have. An apology was lacing his lips, vibrations almost resonating from his voice box, when Sadie’s pale green eyes opened with a solemn expression.

“Maybe I should step down.”

His wife’s uncharacteristic words jolted him out of his own thoughts. “What? No.” He moved so they were inches from each other. “There’s no one—no one—more capable and deserving of this job than you. Let Josh choke on his own misogyny. The rest of your partners will be behind you, just like Linus.” His hand framed her face. “You’ve worked too hard to get here. Don’t let him ruin your accomplishments.”

Her eyes darted away. “But maybe he has a point. I haven’t been as focused on the job since”—she wiggled her shoulders—“everything.” Her gaze settled back on his, almost begging him to understand something unsaid. “I’ve been kind of . . . crazy.”

His brows twinged together. “What do you mean cr—”

A gentle cough sounded from behind him. “Excuse me, sir. How much is this one?”

Reluctantly, he turned and gave his attention to the older man standing on the other side of his display table. Over the next hour, he was bombarded by customers, but his eyes kept flitting to his wife, leaning almost in half on the folding chair so she could color with Lottie. He swallowed, watching her shading purple over blue. She always colored outside the lines on purpose so Lottie wouldn’t feel bad about her own coloring ability. That compressed air feeling built up in his body again.

The plan had been to take Lottie out for lunch, but once they’d packed everything up, their daughter’s sweaty pink cheek pinned her sock bunny against the side of her car seat as her mouth slacked open.

“I guess we’re heading home.” He gently closed the driver’s side door.

Sadie nodded from beside him.

They both were quiet on the drive home. His muscles tightened, imagining the thoughts of inadequacy that might be running through Sadie’s mind, and realizing that he was partly to blame for them. After he transferred Lottie into her bed for her nap, he found Sadie curled up on the small bench in their walk-in closet.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered to her knees.

Tension squeezed at his throat as he collapsed next to her, gently rubbing circles over her arched spine. “For what? You have nothing to apologize for.”

“I . . .” The words froze in her mouth, and she swallowed and tried again. “With the flowers. There’s something I didn’t . . . When I lost them . . . I thought it was okay, that I could keep everything separated, but I’m not handling it . . . I . . .” Her lips worked soundlessly again.

“Sadie.” He gathered her balled body against his. “I can’t have this. I can’t have you hurting like this because of me.”

Her brows pinched as she raised her face.

A deep breath drew in before he swallowed. “I think we should stop—”

Sadie’s phone rang from its position wedged between her body and the wall.

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