Page 85 of My Heart Before You

The sound of the word sent a sharp shudder through her. Her mind projected a disfigured mash-up of the scenes that always played, but now Colin’s face replaced Braden’s, his blue-grey eyes piercing hers. She shoved a hand against her sternum and dragged in a breath.

“What?” Analie’s eyes tensed. “What is it?”

Swallowing against the bitter taste in her mouth, she just shook her head.

“It’s okay.” Her twin rubbed her back. “It’s okay. You’re okay. Everything is okay.”

After several rounds of focused breathing, her voice came out pitched and tight. “This morning . . . Colin had a collision with a cyclist when he was running. He’s okay. But I . . .” She swallowed with difficulty as the tears streamed on their own. “I didn’t know. You know? I thought it was all happening again like some sick twisted deja vu. I ran downstairs . . . to the emergency room to see him. To see if he was okay, and then I lost it.”

“Oh,Em.” Analie’s arms were around her again.

They sat there for a long time, Analie rocking her while she tried to let go of the anxiety vibrating through every cell of her body.

“He doesn’t know, does he? About what you saw when Braden was in the ER?”

“No.” Her voice was less than a whisper.

Time stretched between them again. Her sister’s knuckles lightly stroked her forehead, just as their mother used to do to help them fall asleep as children. The wind blew across the cemetery and pulled on the empty branches of the trees that dotted intermittently across the vast space. Her jeans were damp from the moist grass, and she was sure Analie’s cream skirt was ruined from the dirt. Eventually, her sister’s gentle touch lulled her, and the exhaustion of the day dragged her eyes closed.

She had no sense of how long they’d been like that when she heard her twin’s voice again. “Emilie?”

Rousing herself enough to answer, she said, “Yeah?”

Analie drew in a long inhale and released a careful breath. “Does Colin love you?”

For the hundredth time that day, her body felt unimaginably heavy as she exhaled a simple word. “Yes.”

?Chapter 32?

Leaving Max and Kate’s house usually left him emotionally bolstered, but tonight Colin felt drained. It had been an excruciating six days. Six days where he had nothing to do but think about how badly he’d screwed up again. Even the adorable way Owen toddled from one side of the room to the other, showing off his new ability couldn’t pull Colin out the negative fog he’d been in since the accident.

The scenic single lane road opened up to a double, and he found himself accelerating around the car in front of him, gripping the wheel forcefully as he did. His forearms tensed, and he blew out a long, painful exhale. The nagging, persistent throbbing at his right side was a constant reminder of his mistake. How if he’d had any sense, he’d have restrained the words that came out of his mouth.

When Kate had showed up at his door last Friday, he’d begged her to take him to Emilie’s with a desperation he didn’t know he could possess. Kate made him sit down, drink a glass of water, and explain what had happened. It was betraying Emilie’s trust to tell Kate about her past and the reason why they’d been taking things so slow, but he felt like he’d been navigating their tentative relationship in a vacuum, and now he really needed a woman’s wisdom. Kate had listened and then told him what he didn’t want to hear—that Emilie was probably spooked by the “move in with me” innuendo and to give her some space.

Clearing his throat, he merged onto the Northern Expressway and rolled down his windows, letting the cold night air push against his skin. The dashboard thermometer said forty-eight degrees, but he didn’t care. Numbness already fought the twitch of apprehensive itchiness that he couldn’t resolve by running. His outlet had been stolen from him the same day as his happiness, so his unrest sat thickly in his chest alongside his rib pain. At least in the car, he could feel the force of his movement against the world around him.

John had reasonably taken him off the surgery schedule for the week. Even though long hours whittled away in the OR would have been a welcome distraction, Colin understood it was best practice to let him heal before returning to surgery. Gratefully, he’d been able to keep his office hours twice this week, so every day he wasn’t just sitting at home thinking about what he’d done.

Every time he left the large office building adjacent to the hospital, he stared at the multi-storied behemoth, and willed his feet to walk home instead of to 5SW to see if Emilie was working. As a substitute, he looked for her elsewhere, in less conspicuous places. He found himself weaving the paths of the Commons for hours, hoping to run into her.

In the end, all of his searching was pointless.

The skin around his eyes tightened as yesterday’s memory flashed fresh.

As he and Max walked towards Bo’s, the bouncy music piped out of the speakers increased. A crowd of people were waiting outside, and Max went inside to put their name down for a table. A few seconds later, Ash bounded down the stairs in jeans and a loose sweater with a to-go bag in her hand.

“Ash.” The word escaped his mouth in a rushed exhale.

“Dr. Abernan, hi.” She smiled as if she had no idea that his life was completely falling apart.

“Having lunch with Emilie today?” He kept his voice very even.

The white bag looped over two long fingers looked like it might contain two styrofoam boxes. Her phone rang at that moment, and she glanced at the screen as she answered offhandedly. In retrospect, it felt as fate had intervened to distract her with a call. Her eyes looked over her phone as she replied.

“No, she’s in Virginia visiting . . .”

The end of the sentence hung in the air as her head snapped up. He could see all the pieces fall into place behind her green eyes as they enlarged. The strumming guitar music was too tinny as he swallowed against the burnt taste at the back of his throat. Her mouth opened, but no words came out.

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