Page 83 of My Heart Before You

“Max said you were okay. You don’t look okay.”

His head hung heavy as a painful breath left his lungs. “No . . . I’m not okay.”

?Chapter 31?

Emilie was still breathing heavily when she found what she was looking for on her laptop. The idea that crystallized in her mind on the quick run home now seemed like the only sensible thing to do. Colin would see through her when he came over once the drugs wore off, and there was not a doubt in her mind that he wouldn't forgo taking another dose in order to talk to her.

She had to leave.

It was the only solution and the only way to save them both in the long run.

Powering up her phone, she typed a quick message to Ash.

Emilie:You said that you’d take a shift if I needed it. Would you be able to work for me on Monday?

She turned to pull the large canvas overnight bag from the bottom of her closet and heard her phone ping on her bed. The voicemail icon had popped up. A sob racked her body at the sight of the tiny icon, knowing Colin’s voice was there on her phone, confused and upset. Her hands started shaking as Ash’s response flashed over the screen.

Ash:You got it. Are you okay?

She pushed tears aside.

Emilie:I want to go home and visit my family for a few days.

Ash:Everybody okay at home?

Emilie:Yes. I just need to be there for a little while.

She knew she couldn’t ask for Ash to cover her shift and not at least partially explain why.

Ash:Okay. Fill out the shift switch request online and I’ll accept it.

Emilie:Thank you

Ash:Let me know if you need anything else. ANYTHING.

Emilie:I will

After powering her phone off again, she returned to her computer, navigated both webpages, and started feverishly throwing clothes into the bag.

???

The gravel crunched under the tire’s wheels as the cab drove away. With her bag on one shoulder and her purse on the other, Emilie moved slowly through the grass, stopping at two well-maintained, flat lying granite slabs.

Her knees gave out from under her, and she collapsed to the ground between them, lying a hand on each one. The late afternoon sun had warmed the stones, and heat radiated through her fingertips. As she always did, she let her fingers trace the small etched footprints on Lucy’s headstone.

“Hi.” Her voice came out strained and high as the tears she’d been holding in the entire flight splashed to the earth.

She’d forced herself not to think about her actions, just sit in a state of immobile numbness over the last few hours. If she focused on the devastated look on Colin’s face as he asked “why,” she’d never have gotten on the plane. The memory of their last kiss fried all of her nerve endings as every muscle in her body refused to relinquish its stranglehold.

She didn’t want this, she didn’t want to destroy him, but what was the alternative? She wasn’t strong enough. She always told herself she was, but in the end she just wasn’t.

Sunlight continued to shift as the wind blew the loose strands of her hair around her face until they stuck to her wet cheeks. The sour taste of her stomach mixed with the salty taste of her tears as she licked her lips. Analie’s lilac perfume preceded the arm that draped over her shoulder as her sister’s pencil skirt covered legs carefully folded themselves beside her. She tucked her head onto her twin’s blazer covered shoulder and stained the fabric with salt.

Long minutes passed before she felt collected enough to lift her head. “How’d you know I was here?”

Emilie hadn’t told her family after impulsively buying the plane ticket, knowing that when she showed up on her parents’ doorstep, she’d be welcomed with open arms.

Her sister’s body tensed, but her voice remained calm. “It doesn’t matter.”

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