Page 80 of My Heart Before You

“It’s okay,” he murmured. “I’m okay.”

Her entire body shook as she sobbed. She was no longer in control of her actions. Somewhere in her brain, it shouted at her to get off him, that he was obviously in pain, and she was making it worse, but her hands clung to him unwavering.

He’s alive. He's alive. He's alive.

“I’m sorry, man. I had no idea.”

“It’s okay.” Colin soothed both of them.

Footsteps sounded at the door before Max’s voice said, “Just a minute,” turning someone away before closing the curtain behind him with a mumbled, “I need to do more cardio.”

Time seemed infinite before she registered that it was Colin’s heat beneath her body, his scent encompassing her, and his warm breath on her face. When she lifted her head, his worried eyes surveyed her face, the greyness in them making her stomach twist.

“I thought . . .” She winced. Her insides seemed to disintegrate with the idea of what she thought had happened.

“I know.” He held her face in his damaged hand. “I know, but I’m okay. Emilie, look at me. I’m okay. I’m right here with you.”

She nodded slowly, understanding on some level, but knowing she was nowhere near believing it wholly. Her lip trembled. “What happened?”

He took in a painful inhale. “I was running through a crosswalk when a cyclist decided not to stop at the red light. I guess he didn’t see me run from behind the truck parked at the curb. I helped him until EMS arrived. I think he broke his hip.”

When her eyes drifted to his right side, he said, “I got lucky. A few broken ribs and a small lac on the head. Everything will heal.”

“Your hand.”

“Road rash on the back of my fingers.”

She pushed against the bed railing to sit up and look at him, this time paying attention to every wound. There were small cuts and scrapes on his forearms she hadn’t noticed before, and he probably had some on his legs beneath the blanket. She consulted the telemetry and blood pressure monitors again.

His eyes pleaded with her. “I’m okay. I promise.”

The breath that left her tight lungs took all the energy she possessed with it. “Okay.”

???

Emilie never went back to 5SW to start her shift; Max coordinated with the charges to have a float nurse take over. Instead, she stayed with Colin, moving to the small hard chair next to the gurney until he was discharged home. Fortunately for her, it wasn’t much longer.

Every second she spent in that room listening to the sounds of the ER around her was agonizing, but she wouldn’t leave his side. She focused on counting her breaths and synchronizing them with Colin’s as her thumb ran circles over the rest of her fingertips. The ER doc had given him a hefty dose of morphine for the rib pain, so he was breathing nice and slow.

Max came back and offered to drive him home, but that would have meant canceling his office hours and rescheduling appointments. Colin insisted he could walk, but she assured Max that she’d request a car to get Colin home safely, and he could come and check on him this afternoon.

It was mid-morning when Emilie helped him into fresh scrubs since his running clothes had been cut off with trauma shears. The entire time she helped, moved, breathed, she felt completely numb. The weighing sensation pulling at her shoulders and ribs doubled with every anxious second she spent watching his heart beat on the telemetry monitor.

When they broke into the fifty degree sunshine waiting on the sidewalk for the Uber she requested, it was the first time she drew a full breath. She let her eyes linger on the naked maple tree on the street across from the hospital, tracing the tiny buds on it’s stretching branches.

“Thank you for doing this.” Colin’s words brought her back to him. “You didn’t have to miss work for me.”

She forced her voice to sound light. “This isn’t the first time I’ve had to play nurse to you.”

His beautiful eyes searched her face, not quite believing her tone, but his lips curved into a slight smile regardless. “That’s true.”

His un-bandaged hand found her cheek, the warmth of his fingers light and soft. Every little touch steadied her, but also tormented her in a new way. Her eyes watered almost instantly.

“Hey.” His voice was so incredibly tender. “I’m okay. I’m standing here right next to you.”

“It’s not . . .” Emilie couldn’t finish the sentence.

Her eyes pulled towards the curb when she heard her name being called from the street. As they sat in silence on the short drive to his condo, Colin reached across the seat and held her hand. The solidness of his fingers around hers should have been a comfort, but instead a shock ran up her arm.

---