Page 64 of My Heart Before You

Dear Colin,

I’m happy while I write this letter to you. My heart bursts with joy over the idea of you finding someone that you love. I hope that she’s as wonderful as you are, because you, my sweet boy, deserve the best sort of woman. Take heart if this is all a little overwhelming and thoughts of her completely monopolize your day. That’s to be expected. You should feel giddy and excited and also a little bit terrified. There’s inherent pain in the idea or actual loss of those we love, but that is the price we pay for loving them. One cannot go without the other and the cost of love is so completely worth it, Colin. So let go, love with all of your heart, wildly and unapologetically, and know that if any heartache should come in the future, it is absolutely worth having had this connection with another person. I know that you’ll make a good choice and pick someone deserving of a love like this. One who will give you all in return what you give to her. I want you to know that this is possible. The love I talk about is the kind that your father and I share. If it’s possible for us, it will be possible for you. I wish you all the happiness in the world and know that whatever happens, I loved you like this and then more.

My whole heart,

Mom

“Dr. Abernan?” His resident, standing across from him brought him back into the OR.

The high-pitched whir of the life support machine running in the background mixed with the expected beeps of the many monitors running simultaneously.

“I’m sorry, Adam. What were you saying?”

“We talked about me closing today. Would that still be a possibility?”

“Yes, of course.” He called out to the circulating nurse so it could be marked in the chart, “Wendy, Dr. Barnes will close for me at the end of the case.”

“Yes, Dr. Abernan,” she replied.

He was reviewing the steps with Adam when she called to him again.

“You’re being paged, Dr. Abernan. The transplant coordinator has a recipient who’s in need of a direct admission. The office says she’s presenting with potential pneumonia.” Wendy read off his pager screen.

“Who is it?”

Some of the recent transplant recipients he knew well, others had their hearts for ten plus years and usually followed up with their original surgeons.

“Krystal Reid, sir.”

Glancing up at Adam, he stilled his working hands. “You’ve got this?”

“Yes, sir.”

A slight unease flowed through his forearms that he wouldn’t be in the OR observing, but Colin trusted this man. Barnes was a good surgeon, and he’d only be upstairs.

After breaking scrub, he collected his pager from Wendy, put on his coat, and dove his hand into his pocket for his cell phone.

“This is Camila,” the transplant coordinator answered after one ring.

“Camila. It’s Colin. I’m heading upstairs right now. Did you call John?” He climbed the stairs, pulling his scrub cap off and shoving it into his coat pocket.

Everyone at CTSB knew that Krystal Reid was special to John, and that he always personally oversaw her care. John had replaced Krystal’s heart at age six and again two additional times. The last transplant she’d received was a year ago, shortly after she turned twenty.

“Yes, he’s driving in right now, but I told him I was paging you to take care of her admission in the meantime.”

“I’ll get her settled until he gets here.” He opened the door to the fifth floor. “What room did they give her?”

“510.”

“Thanks, Camila.” As he hung up, he arrived at 5SW and walked straight into the room.

The hospital room was busy with activity as Ashley placed Krystal on oxygen and Tere, the charge nurse, started an IV line, using it to draw a rainbow of blood tubes. A nurse aide was nearby attaining a set of vitals.

“Krystal, my name is Dr. Abernan. I’m going to get you settled until Dr. Reddington gets here. He’s driving to the hospital right now. We’re going to get a chest X-ray and probably some IV medications for you but let me start by listening to your heart and lungs.” Pulling for his stethoscope, he remembered that he’d just come from the OR.

Ashley wordlessly handed over hers while putting telemetry leads on Krystal’s chest.

“Thank you.” Colin settled the borrowed stethoscope into his ears. “Take a deep breath for me.”

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