Page 55 of My Heart Before You

She buried her head in her sweatshirt-covered arms on the table. “We ended up making out again, but in the store, right on top of the piano bench.”

“Nice!”

She leaned up, swatting at her friend.

“What? You of all people deserve a good makeout.” Green eyes glinted with earnestness before she lightened them to ask, “How was it?”

“Incredible. It’s a little weird for me to feel so instantly comfortable with him, but I do, and when that happens, I just want to be as close as I can get.”

“Ibetyou do.” Ash smirked.

“The thing is . . .” She felt her ribs tighten instantly as her thoughts shifted. “I never know how I’ll feel after. This is all so new to me, and as enjoyable as it is, I’m sometimes racked with guilt after.” A slow exhale left her lungs.

When Colin had kissed her the first time, everything felt completely right. Being with him almost gave her temporary amnesia to the pain of her past until it came crashing through later. After he left, she’d paced the hardwood floor of her condo, racing her thumb over her fingertips and wondering if she’d just agreed to something she wasn’t ready for. As the days passed, her anxiety about starting over lessened a tiny fraction each hour until eventually he was standing at her door again, looking at her with those mystifying blue-grey eyes.

“This time was different though. I don’t know if that’s because it was the second time it happened, or I was more comfortable with the idea, or what.”

Ash’s hand dropped over her own. “You never have to do anything you’re not ready for.”

“I know, and he’s really good at listening if I pump the breaks, so I think that’s one of the reasons I trust myself with him.” Speaking the sentence out loud was the first time it occurred to her.

“That’s really good, Emilie.”

It was. It was good to feel safe. It was good to feel safe, but also respected and listened to. She also felt wanted, and on some level needed, though she wasn’t sure why.

“Are you going to tell him?” her friend asked gently.

Her stomach flipped involuntarily. “I don’t know. Nia said to be up front when I started dating and tell the person where I’m coming from, but what if this never really goes anywhere, and we go back to being coworkers, and he knows my whole life story? For some reason, that just makes me feel vulnerable.”

“I know your story and we work together. So does Barbara and she’s your boss,” Ash pointed out.

“Ugh, I know, I think . . .” She pushed her plate away. “I think I’m just scared to start over in the first place, and I’m not ready to share that part of me yet. There’s already the added stress that we work together, and it will be awkward if it doesn’t work out.”

Ash sipped her wine thoughtfully. “I’m no Nia, but that sounds reasonable to me.”

An intense need to shift the focus off of her stirred in Emilie’s veins. “Have you been to Bo’s since . . . ?” A deep inhale filled her lungs. She hadn’t been able to make herself go to the diner since Mary’s death. The idea of the space behind the bar where her friend had laughed with her so often being empty set a thorny pit at the base of her spine. “I was thinking of giving my condolences tomorrow and bringing flowers.”

“I went before I left. Everyone is still there working. Bo’s at the door, and Shannon is running things, but they are obviously heartbroken. I guess when a restaurant is your livelihood you can’t just close it down to grieve.” Her friend paused, staring off as a clock ticked softly in the background. “If you want to bring flowers, there’s a collection of them near Mary’s booth. You aren’t the only one with that idea. It almost looked like a shrine . . . It must be so hard on them to be somewhere everyday where she was with them and now, she’s not.”

Ash unwittingly described how every person who’d ever lost a close loved one felt about living without them.

Emilie’s head dropped as the familiar heaviness set around her lungs. Running her fingertips over the soft fabric of her sweatshirt, she tried to ground herself in this moment with her friend and not return to any prior ones.

Ash’s voice was bright when she spoke again. “Okay, let’s shift gears.”

When she lifted her gaze, her friend winked.

“We’re supposed to be having a fun girl’s night in, so for tonight’s entertainment, I want as much hot man as I can get. Preferably shirtless.”

Surprised by the swift topic swing, Emilie broke into laughter despite herself.

“I don’t want to watch a romantic comedy because that would make me weepy, so it’s any of the Marvel movies. And yes, I own them all. I’m particular to Thor when he’s walking around Earth in jeans and a T-shirt. Yum! Also, the long hair.” She hummed. “Or I found theBaywatchmovie on Netflix. Which is just gratuitous oiled up nakedness of The Rock and Zac Effron. I hear the plot is stupid, but does it matter?”

Another laugh burst from her lips before she tapped her finger to her chin. “Tough choices all around. I’m thinking we max out on hot man nakedness and go forBaywatch. Two for the price of one.”

Ash hopped off her stool, taking her wine glass to the couch. “Pecs and abs here we come!”

?Chapter 22?

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