Page 41 of My Heart Before You

Silence stood between them except for the faint static from the baby monitor.

“Oh, Colin,” Kate said softly.

He scrubbed his hands over his face and stood. “I think I should be getting home. Thanks again for dinner.”

“Sure, man.” Max rose and followed him to the door.

The icy cold temperature struck him hard as soon as he stepped outside, matching how he felt inside.

?Chapter 17?

Emilie sat at her kitchen table over a steaming bowl of hearty minestrone, staring at the deep crossing ridges that served as her elm’s protection from the bitter cold. The branches still had a light layer of snow on them giving the appearance of iced cake. Even the idea of skating at the Frog Pond couldn’t drag her out of her warm, comfortable condo today. Soon, she’d have to lace up her boots to get to her appointment with Nia, and then to the hospital to help out Jessica by finishing her shift. That would be enough snow tromping for one day.

When she entered Nia’s office a few hours later, her therapist was already in a chair with a laptop balanced on her woolen slacks and a pashmina wrapped around her shoulders. The dim grey daylight barely brightened the dark office.

“I hope you don’t mind.” Nia gestured to the other armchair. “I was doing some work from here. It’s a bit cozier than my desk in the winter.”

“Sure.” Emilie sat down and propped her bag of clothes against the chair leg.

Setting the laptop aside and picking up a notepad, Nia asked, “How have you been?”

“I’m struggling with something.”

She’d tried avoiding Colin for the most part when she worked, but it was so much harder than she thought to ignore that subtle sensation ofwantevery time she saw him. She’d wake up anxious before every shift wondering if today was a day their schedules would coincide. If today she’d need to fight all her normal demons and then this one too.

“There’s a surgeon I work with, the one I accidentally maced in the park, and we’d been sort of work friends, but then something happened.” She pulled at the collar of her sweater.

Nia tilted her head slightly, but kept silent waiting for her to elaborate.

“Colin . . .” Saying his name out loud unexpectedly took her breath away. “He and I were both caring for a patient, and there was a moment when he took a strand of my hair and tucked it behind my ear and into my collar.”

“How did you feel about that?”

One hundred different emotions swam through her head. “That’s the problem.”

“What’s the problem?”

“I can’t stop myself from feeling it.”

Nia’s silver curls bobbed as she soundlessly processed what she’d said.

“What should I do?”

Her therapist leaned back in her chair. “What do you want to do?”

A huff of air left her mouth. She’d been in therapy long enough to know that you’re never given an answer to a question.

Nia must have sensed her frustration because she continued, “Are you telling me that you enjoyed a moment of intimacy with another man?”

Emilie’s hand mindlessly found her neck. The skin beneath it flushed as her heartbeat sped. Simultaneously, that dip in her stomach made bile rise at the back of her throat.

“I don’t want to.”

“Why?”

“Because if I move on, who loves Braden and Lucy?”

Nia inclined her head. “You do.”

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