Page 100 of Soul of a Psycho

Tears litter the dirt at the thought, but I have to.

She can’t be left behind to find out what I did. She can never know about Bobby. She can hate me for being cruel, but she can never,everknow she laid with a monster. I couldn’t stomach it. I would never rest in death. Not that I deserve it. But that would be a different kind of torture. One I’m too much of a coward to endure.

I press up from the dirt with a pathetic excuse for resolve, remembering that specific hell will be waiting for me if I die too soon.

When I get back to the shack, it’s in disarray and I have to pick through it to find the soldering gun. I check that it has enough charge, squinting between the sandpaper that has become my eyelids, and then pocket it. I gather what else I need and head out the door, feeling sorry I took so long.

It’s less than a mile walk, but my legs are heavy as I traipse through the underbrush. I want to say I’m relieved when I reach Bobby’s unmarked grave, but relief is elusive. It’s no more than a made up word now.

“Sorry I was gone for so long,” I say and settle down next to the mound of soil.

My hands shake as I lay out my tools, but I don’t have the luxury of rest. I got too far behind when I was entertaining a life not meant for me.

Flashes of Sky, curled up in the library, burn behind my aching sockets, and I have to glance at the heap of dirt, at the already decaying body beneath, and remind myselfthisis my life now. Because I’m not going to leave Bobby here alone to rot. I’m going to make sure my soul will be here for eternity with him. He won’t ever be lonely. Not Bobby, not the only friend I ever had.

“I don’t know if you got a good enough look,” I clear the tightness from my throat. “but this right here—” I twist the circuit board towards the mound. “—is how I can remotely detonate.” My cheek tips up in a mangled, wry smile. “Youprobably thought it would be bigger, huh? It’s not like it is in the movies, though.” I lean back and attach a wire. “Technology is really good now. The remote can fit in the palm of my hand. No one will have a clue.”

I imagine Bobby nodding and sayingcool.

“Yeah, and you should see what I did with the teddy bears.”

I pause for him to inquire further, waiting while a cricket finishes its chirping in the silence of the woods.

“Facial recognition,” I tell him. “It was complicated, but I bet you could have figured it out, too. I know you’re a sophomore and all, but you’re smart. Jesus, you could probably get this done faster than me. I saw how quickly you programmed that satellite phone. You’re also more meticulous than me. You took forever picking out the best one. I wanted to kill you in that camping store.”

I laugh at the irony; the sound snaking through the forest, as I remember howangryI was when he dragged me into Merv’s Outdoor Equipment. He caught me outside the post office and was adamant that I needed to help him find something for Callie.

Callie.

My laughter dies, my chest tightening as I picture the note I wrote to her.

“I’m sorry, buddy.” I sigh. “But the more ruthless the breakup, the less she’ll go digging for closure.”

Chapter Sixty-Eight

Sky

“Guys ain’t shit.” Ruby tears at a piece of Callie’s rug where she’s sitting cross-legged.

“Bobby is.” Callie glares at her.

I want to pipe up with the same about Cade, but Ruby is on a tear. After I told her what happened with him, she’s been full force on the warpath. If this was any other guy, I would appreciate her ‘us versus them’ animosity, but this is Cade. I grit my teeth and go back to studying the note from Bobby. Something about it is bothering me.

“Cade probably wants to go off to college and fuck as many girls as possible,” Ruby muses.

She’s already said that one, but it needles under my skin. The thought of Cade with other girls makes my stomach churn, and I can’t stop myself from denying it.

“That’s not why,” I say, and then cringe, realizing I sound exactly like Callie.

The two of us are starting to become broken records. But nothing makes sense. First Bobby, now Cade? And this note… I smooth out some of the dried tears that Callie left on it, trying to figure out why it irritates me.

Callie,

There has been a death in my family, and I have to go home. I think it would be best if we broke up. We weren’t a good fit, anyway. Don’t try to contact me. I have nothing left to say.

Bobby

It’s way too cut and dry, written hastily. Which could make sense if he had to leave in a hurry, but it’s just not his style. He’s as slow as a snail, and the ink is smudged, as if he dragged his palm across the paper, not bothering to wait for it to dry. It feels extremely impersonal and rushed, mean even. He really cared about Callie. I saw it with my own eyes. I can’t picture him just leaving her a callous note. Plus, he always gets all squirmy coming up to the girls’ dorms. I’m supposed to believe he just slipped the note under her door? He would have called and made her come down.

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