Page 98 of Soul of a Psycho

Cade

My skin is raw and dry in the midday sun as I hurry across the quad. I feel desiccated, like a husk. Moving only by sheer willpower, fearing I might turn to ash. The day is too bright. Too alive for how I feel, and I can’t get back into the shroud of foliage fast enough.

But everything is handled. At least until graduation. All my under handing should hold until then. Unless Bobby’s parents get curious and show up. But I have his phone. I’m sure I can pass as him for a while if I stick to texts and emails. I just have to make it until graduation and then none of it matters. They can declare him missing, have search parties, and find his body. They can collect DNA and charge me.

All after I’m gone.

It can’t come soon enough. It hasn’t even been twenty-four hours and the metaphorical box I’m shoving stuff shit into is filling rapidly. The guilt taking up the most space. Every time I think I have a handle on it, it rears up like a multi-headed snake.

I almost succumbed to it in the headmistress’s office, tears littering the keyboard as my fingers typed out a bullshit email.

To whom it may concern,

My wife and I have sent a car to pick up our son, Robert Matthews. We have already spoken to Robert, and the carshould arrive fairly early. We understand this is sudden and unconventional, but there has been a tragedy in the family and we need to come together during this time. Please be advised that we will be handling his education privately going forward.

Please forward all further correspondence to my secretary at [email protected], as we will be taking a break from our digital lives during this trying time.

Thank you,

John Matthews

It didn’t take long to comb through my mother’s files and find Bobby’s parents’ information. But sweat started to mix with the tears when an hour passed and the program I uploaded to her computer still hadn’t cracked Mr. Matthew’s email password. Finally, when I was just about to give up, I was in.

With twenty minutes to spare before my mother’s alarm went off, I put her key back. If she had woken up and found me covered in dirt, there’s no way I would have been able to hold it together. But she didn’t, and I took that as a sign to continue.

I vomited in the bushes outside her quarters and then went to Wakeman Hall. I managed to clear out Bobby’s room and take a shower before anyone was up. Thankfully, he didn’t have much, and his roommate was a heavy sleeper.

I should be amazed at how stealthy I can be, but I suppose the skull faced version of me had to be.

The urge to wretch sends me towards a lamppost, and I lean against it, clutching my stomach while the world sways. I’mhim. I’m Sky’s nightmare. It doesn’t seem real, but sick memories keep flooding in. The night I found her crying in the woods, I didn’t hear her screaming and go to find her. I was already out there,chasing her. Falling into the stream must have washed the paint away. I want to blame the sleeping pills, attribute them for fucking with my head. But I know the truth, and I refuse to playvictim. They didn’t create a shadow version of me. It was already there, festering.

I don’t know which is worse. The fact that I’m a killer or the revelation that I’m also a twisted stalker.

Stupid, endless tears prick at my eyes. They are fucking relentless, but I force myself to straighten and put one foot in front of the other. I just have to make it eight weeks. Eight weeks, and then I can cease for all I’ve done.

“Cade!”

Her voice stops me in my tracks.No. No. No.I need to run. I can’t see her. She will undo me. I’ll cave. I’ll break apart into a million pieces just to be scooped up by Rutherford.

But my feet don’t move, my body responding out of habit, because she is a goddess. And I must worship.

Fuck.

I keep my head down as she steps around me, her shoes stopping in my line of sight. She’s panting and too close—close enough for her scent to wrap around me. She’s the essence of purity, the effervescent of life, and she doesn’t belong anywhere near me. The shower I took may have removed the dirt, but I’m still steeped in death and earth. I’ll never be clean again. I’ll never be worthy of her again.

I clamp my jaw and fight against the mixture of anger and regret.

“Oh, god. I was so worried.” She catches her breath and then sighs.

She steps closer, hands reaching. I know what her touch will feel like, like comfort and absolution, and I flinch away before it can burn me. But my movements are jerky and not too far off from a wild animal.

She gasps. “Cade? What’s wrong?”

Everything.

Chapter Sixty-Six

Sky

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