Page 96 of Soul of a Psycho

A ragged scream, with no way out, backs up in my chest. Because Ihaveto breathe. I have to. His death can’t be for nothing. I have to finish what I started. For his sake. I have to. I focus on the soil beneath me and try to feel its chill, try to find a way to breathe and remind myself that I have to make it right. That I have to make sure this school burns for what it did, what it made me do to him.

I push everything else away. The fantasy of Japan and Sky and a long life. The what if’s with her pretty eyes begging me not to go. The possibility that tonight may not have condemned me if I had just listened to her. The guilt and self hatred of the monster I’ve become. The truth and realization that I’m not built to be a killer. That this is not for me. That I never could have stood on that stage and pressed the button.

I shove it down.

Because Iama killer now. And I have to push that button.

Chapter Sixty-Four

Sky

I’m learning that spring is a timid thing at Hillcrest. It peeks in midday, but then scurries away as the sun dips. And in the mornings, it’s completely absent, probably sleeping in like I wish I could.

I yawn as I zip my skirt up, already running late.

I didn’t sleep well at all. I had nightmares that kept waking me. And even though I can’t remember them, they were bad enough to have me up and out of the bed several times, afraid to fall back asleep. The unease they buried in me is still clinging around my chest, and I pull on Cade’s hoodie for comfort.

I’m practically moving with my eyes closed—the only thing propelling me forward is that Cade is waiting for me. Ruby has already gone to breakfast—no patience for waiting and not a fan of walking with us. And I don’t blame her. After being apart all night, Cade and I almost melt together in the mornings. It’s an ooey gooey thing that I could actually really use right now.

Sure enough, the dread in my chest starts to subside as I pick my way down the rattling stairs, getting closer to him. I nearly skip out the doors, eager to curl against his chest and sink into his heartbeat. Maybe later we can take a nap in the library, a place where I can actually fall asleep in his arms, and catch upon the sleep I missed. I’m already looking forward to it, a smile breaking out on my lips as I look up.

Cade’s tree is getting back its leaves, fresh greenery shimmering in the honeyed sun, but instead of being happy about a sign of spring, my lips fall.

Because Cade isn’t standing in front of it.

I blink and look around. There’s some stragglers on the quad, but none are my black clad demon. He’s always here. Rain or snow, he’s always waiting for me.Always.Immediately, something doesn’t feel right, and I stick my hands in the pocket of the hoodie, my brows coming together.

I inch towards the tree, as if getting closer will suddenly make him appear, and chew my lip when he doesn’t. Is he just running late? ButI’malready running late. We probably only have five more minutes left to get bagels before class, and he should be here by now.

Maybe he went to get them. Maybe he thought we weren’t going to have enough time. But even as I think it, I don’t believe it. He wouldn’t let me walk to class by myself. I’m perfectly capable, but I know he likes to glare at everyone that looks at me.

My stomach knots irrationally as I stand like a girl who’s been stood up, alone under a tree, looking around hopefully. I stay until the quad empties and the cathedral bell chimes. I even stay five minutes past, the repercussions of tardiness paling in comparison to my missing demon. It’s only when panic starts to creep in that I hurry to class, trying to convince myself that he’ll be there. My heart thumps as I pull open the door, my breaths short but rapid. I’m expectant, searching for him without regard for the eyes that gawk at the late-comer.

But Cade isn’t amongst them.

I hesitate in the doorway, thinking I should check the shack, thinking that something horrible must have happened. That stupid picture of a bomb flashing in my mind.

“Take a seat,” Mrs. Fawn says, and I realize she’s scowling, waiting on me.

But I don’t want to take a seat. I want Cade—needhim, actually. My chest isn’t going to relax until I see him, until I know that he’s alright.

“Before I write you up Ms. Lyons.” Mrs. Fawn all but taps her foot.

A heat singes my cheeks.Shit.I can’t have a write-up. Not when my father’s been blissfully silent. But something is wrong. I can feel it. Hysteria climbs up my throat even though I know I’m not being reasonable. There’s so many things that could keep him out for the day. He’s sick. He’s late. He’s with his mother. They are all valid, but none squash the tightening in my throat.

I waver, not sure if I care about getting written up right now. But what if I am being stupid? What if he’s fine and I bring forth the wrath of my father for nothing?

“Now,” Mrs. Fawn barks, causing me to jump.

Damn it.With a stifled whine, I quickly find my seat and try to think logically. He’s sick. He’s late. He’s fine. I repeat the list in my head, keeping my eyes on the door. Hopefully he’ll come in late, any second now.

But by the time lunch comes around and I enter the dining hall, I’m on the verge of tears. I’m not the least bit hungry, but part of me thinks he could be here, picking up a bag of rolls. I know it doesn’t make sense, but today doesn’t make sense at all.

I’m like a lost child without Cade, as if I’m tethered to nothing. It’s not healthy, silly even, when it’s not like we spend every waking second together. But today feels wrong, and healthy or not, I’m scared. It’s like a cord has been severed between us, and I can no longer feel him.

After I make sure he isn’t getting food, I slip between students in a haste, desperate to see if he’s sitting at our table. But all I find are Ruby and Callie.

“Have you seen Cade today?” I don’t bother sitting.

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