Page 93 of Soul of a Psycho

“Do you think plans can change?” I break the silence, fingering the knife in my pocket.

“Have plans changed, Cade?” Rutherford asks in that pretentious way, as if we’ve spoken about ‘plans’ before and he knows what I’m referring to.

But we haven’t. And he can’t. And the response is stupid. A question answered with a question. Is this all he’s capable of? I’m finally here, willing to take any expertise he has, and this is what I get.

I grit my teeth and look out the window. Rutherford has a home office in an immaculate cabin just fifteen miles from Briarcreek. And while I hate being so close to hell, I do like being in the woods. The trees differ from Hillcrest, not so mottled and repressed, but lively and green. Every shade of flourishment under the sun. The light even hits differently off campus. I almost wonder if I would have been able to build bombs in a forest so vibrant. Would I have even wanted to? What ifHillcrest is a poison shoved down my throat every day and once I graduate, I could get better?

“How much do you think environment affects a person?” I ask, not taking my eyes off the trees, and pretending that Rutherford isn’t a sadist who confines people to the worst environment possible.

The fluorescent lights of Briarcreek still blind me when I close my eyes, and the nightmares of sterile floors and walls are something I don’t think I will ever be free of.

“You’re inquisitive today.” He ignores my question.

Asshole.I could get better answers from an internet search. This was a waste of time. And time is running out.

Chapter Sixty

Sky

My fingers itch over the card reader. The hundred dollar cash back option taunts me. I want to tap it like my life depends on it. Because it kind of does. I only have fifteen-hundred tucked away and graduation isn’t far. But tipping off my father now would be reckless. I know I have enough for a plane ticket and some time at a hotel, but it’s nothing compared to the five-thousand that would have set me up with my own place and covered me while I found a job.

The Maple Roast isn’t busy, but I can feel Lana hovering behind me, and I jab at the twenty-dollar option before she can rush me. Ruby and Callie are already at a table by the window, sipping iced coffees and laughing about something. They took off while I stayed behind with Lana to re-park her car when the meter wouldn’t take her quarters, and I know she feels left out.

I take my cash back and step aside, waiting while she orders. I don’t think anyone is doing it on purpose. It’s just that Lana is more quiet and reserved. She doesn’t have Ruby’s boldness or Callie’s waffling nervousness. Or, apparently, my juicy sex life.

The night I ran with Cade’s journal, I didn’t end up coming back till after curfew, and Ruby had to cover for me with Martha. It was, in Ruby’s words,a favorthat could only be repaid by telling her what kept me out all night. But when I finallyrelented, her nose scrunched up, and she got all squeamish, cutting me off. It didn’t stop her from prompting me to tell Callie and Lana, though.

They both had a million questions, Callie especially. I don’t know if that means she wants to have sex with Bobby or not, but she was very interested in the logistics. And if I’m being honest… It was nice to have someone to tell. People to trust with such a thing. I know I’ve been burned before in the friendship department, but Ruby, Callie, and Lana feel different. They feelreal. I wish I had started at Hillcrest sooner, and I’m a little sad as I take a seat at the table.

It feels like such a short time, one year. It’s gone by so fast. And I still don’t know what’s supposed to happen to Cade and I once the day comes. He says he isn’t going to college, but when I press for what he’s going to do, he changes the subject. If it was anyone else, I would think I was getting brushed off, but that’s not the vibe he gives off. It’s almost like he’s ashamed or saddened by graduation. Which doesn’t make any sense, considering he hates Hillcrest and everyone in it.

I take a sip of my moo-latte to shove down the pit that forms in my stomach every time I think of Cade now. Ever since I saw his journal, I’ve been unable to shake an irrational worry about accidental explosions. There’s no way he’s actually playing around with bombs, though. I’m just being a worry wart like Callie. There are a million reasons Cade could have drawings of bombs. It could just be a fascination, a project he had to research, or maybe he wants to join a bomb squad one day. I don’t know. I mean, he collects dead birds and knives, bombs fit right in with his aesthetic.

But it doesn’t fit with the way he acted. He really didn’t want me to see those pages. And if it was harmless, like the birds and the knives, why keep it a secret?

Ruby suddenly shoves her finger between my brows. “Knock it off.”

I blink against the thud and swat at her hand. “Knock what off?”

“Whatever this is,” she says and furrows her brows dramatically.

I roll my eyes. “I wasn’t doing that.”

“You were,” Callie says. “But it was more like this.” She too bunches her brows but adds a frown.

“You’re siding with her?” I reach over the table and steal her coffee. “After I signed your Go Green petition?”

“That was for the environment! Not for me!”

“Actually,” Ruby smirks. “I think that was for Bobby.”

“No, I care about the environment, too.” She snatches her drink back.

“Because of Bobby,” Ruby bickers with her, but I can’t hear the rest as my attention is pulled to the window.

Cade is across the street, balancing a stack of packages. His hood is pulled low, but I would know the cut of his jaw anywhere. He stands out like a rain cloud in Angel Point, like a dark thorn on a blooming rose. The trunk of his car pops, and he carefully sets the boxes inside, one of which has a giant red stamp.

HAZARDOUS.

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