Page 6 of Soul of a Psycho

“Well, here’s a rule foryou…” I give her the same up and down look she gave me. “You don’t tell me what to do.”

I get a small thrill out of dishing out what she’s giving, even if the venom feels foreign on my tongue. I may have to put up with my father’s crap, the teacher’s crap, and back home, anyone’s crap who could ruin my reputation, but here, I don’t have to take it from this girl.

She juts her hip out. “Damn, don’t get your knickers in a bunch. You’re no fun, are you?”

“Apparently not.” I shrug and turn away to hide my smile at winning.

I spend the next ten minutes unpacking and making my bed. At least my mother was with it enough to go out and buy me what I would need while I was locked in my room. She picked out a lavender bed set from Lily & Lily with an eighteen-hundred thread count just for this pathetic twin bed, and despite her flaws, I kind of love her for it. Lavender is my favorite color, and she even got two fuzzy throw pillows that match.

She also packed my bag with a toiletry holder, filling it with Lush products. The thought is so meaningful that I sag. God, I wish I could see what she would be like without my father. I may fault her for not standing up to him, or standing up for me, but she’s not evil like he is. She’s just scared. And broken.

I sit down on the freshly made bed and stare at the floor, realizing that now she’s all alone with him. How much more can she take before she’s glassy-eyed and just a shell of a person?

My eyes well up knowing that the man she loves thinks the same way as the guy who— My stomach twists, and I have to gulp down the bile creeping up my throat.

“You didn’t let me tell you that rule number one is no vomiting.” My roommate pulls an earbud out of her ear and gives me a side-eye.

I breathe deeply through my nose, ignoring her and trying to get a hold of myself.Shut it down, Sky. Lock it up. Chain the door and barricade it.I don’t need this girl seeing how weak I actually am.

“Little homesick are we?” she taunts.

I brace my hands on my knees and look up at the ceiling, blinking and trying to suck the tears back into their sockets.

“Can you at least do that in the bathroom because if you vomit, so will I.”

I groan. “I’m not going to vomit. Will you just shush for a minute?”

I don’t know how I’m supposed to survive a year with her in this tiny and overly ornate room. I swear there is no fresh air in here. My throat is clogged up with not only my past, but hundreds of years of roommate tension that seem to be seeping from the walls.

How many girls of Lamb Hall before me had to grapple with worse? I need to get it together. I need to relax. I need…

“Do you have weed?” I ask.

Chapter Six

Sky

Look at me being a rebel. My night shorts are probably going to be filthy from sitting in the dirt, but I don’t care as I place my lips on the vape again and pull. I’m overdoing it for my first time, but it feels so good. Slow. Everything feels slow.

I lean back against the little cold stone wall behind me, and tilt my head back on its ledge. The night sky is brighter somehow, more vibrant and all-consuming. Each star might be billions of miles away, but they shine their iridescent light as if they are trying to signal me and say hello. It’sbeautiful.How many times have I looked up but never really saw the universe? The busy freeway of my mind is for once a desolate highway that doesn’t distract from the scenery. Even the train in the distance sounds pretty.

IloveRuby—my roommate—for giving me her pen. She might have thrown it at me and snapped to get out of the room, but she still gave it to me, tipping me off that the old vents in the building would send the smell down to our housemother and to go outside.

Paranoia had me waiting until night though, tiptoeing through the quad and keeping my back to the brick walls, while determination had me leaving the safety of the campus until Iwas far enough away that I thought no one could smell it and catch me out past curfew.

The late night chill in the air doesn’t sting my skin, but instead feels like life itself is touching me. My body isn’t resisting for once and actually enjoys the sensations around me. I can’t worry about getting caught. Any punishment would be worth it for this. I can’t believe I waited so long to smoke.

I pull another hit as the breeze picks up, and I blow out, watching the smoke get whipped away, becoming a part of the macrocosm of infinity. I giggle.Macrocosm.Oh, I’m so smart. Thanks, dad, for all those extra tutors, they sure are coming in handy right now.

God, maybe he needs to get high. Maybe then he would feel that there is more to life than status and image. My mother should smoke too. It would be better than the litany of benzos and antidepressants that numb her to the point where she can’t feel that the world around her is bigger than the hell my father creates.

A leaf falls and catches in my hair, and I blink slowly at the little guy. Any other time I would pluck him from my hair just to toss him and forget him, but as I eye him now, with all his solitary existence, I think he can be a part of me for tonight. I’ll be the tree he lost, and my strands can be his leafy brethren.

“You aren’t alone,” I whisper to him, and take another hit.

I start choking when the leaf speaks back.

“Talking to yourself?” it says, but its voice is deep and… familiar. Not at all leaf-like.

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