Page 51 of Soul of a Psycho

Sky

I’m confused for a moment when I wake up. The room is on the wrong side. And then I realize I’m still in Ruby’s bed. The night before comes rushing back, and in a panic, I check to make sure she’s still here.

When I find she’s still asleep, curled up away from me and against the wall, I throw an arm over my eyes and blow out a breath. She was so adamant about going to Martha after I made Cade leave that I all but had to pin her to the bed myself, calling me every name in the book. She told me how stupid I am, how dangerous Cade is, and she even told me why he was in an insane asylum.

But if she thought that would have me running for the hills, all it managed to do was make me want to find wherever I cast him and hold him close.

In Cade’s sophomore year, he painted his dorm in red with the blood from his wrists. He apparently did it with the door open, and all the students of Wakeman Hall clustered and watched in the hallway as he went insane. He kept slicing himself, smearing the blood on the walls, and flinging it until he was completely drenched in his own blood.

The part that doesn’t make sense to me—can’tmake sense to me—is that they just watched. No one went for help. No one triedto calm him. I know better than anyone how apathetic people can be—my experience with Chase taught me that—but it’s hard extending that belief to all. It curdles something inside of me, and I find myself coming to terms with how pain is just a form of entertainment in our world. It’s as if the lights of my existence are dimming, and I fear one day I’ll be in the dark.

But that wasn’t before Cade put someone named Connor in a coma. I don’t know what the guy did, but I somehow know he deserved it. Baseball-bat-deserving, coma-for-two-months-deserving. If he had anything to do with driving a human being to want to kill themselves, then he deserved Cade’s wrath.

Ruby lamented as if Cade were the villain, curling her lip when she spoke about the boxes they found under his bed. Twelve shoe boxed sized coffins, each one holding a dead bird. I wanted to explain what he told me when I asked why he had them in the shack, but she was past understanding, and I didn’t think I could even do his philosophy justice. There was no way I was convincing her that he didn’t kill them.

It’s a losing battle, and weary is an understatement as I gently scoot out of her bed and quietly dress for the day. For once, I’m actually grateful for my uniform, as it eliminates the need to think about what to wear. But I sigh when I look in the mirror. My hair is a fluffy mess from sleeping on it wet. I roll my eyes and spin it into a low bun, having bigger problems to tackle.

I don’t know if Ruby is going to have the same conviction as last night to report Cade when she wakes up, and there’s no way I can keep tabs on her while I’m in class. Ultimately, I know I can’t control her, but the uncertainty of his fate has my chest tight with worry.

I’m aware just how crazy his actions were, but in a twisted way, I appreciate them. I don’t want to be flattered by his violence, but I can’t stop the warm swell in my heart that he was willing to hurt Ruby because he thought she was bullying me. Hewas wrong, obviously, but I can’t help but fantasize about if he had Chase at the end of his knife. I would have stood back and relished watching blood pour from that creep’s neck.

It dawns on me that Cade is the unhinged part of myself I can never reveal. And I don’t want him punished for being something I wish I could be. I worry over what it says about me that I’m so desperate to keep him free and uncaged, the vicious demon unabashed to avenge my pain, bidding the darkness I can’t unleash in myself, when I notice a sheet of paper on the floor by the door.

Hesitantly, I pick it up and am confused to find it’s a copy of my schedule, well, almost my schedule. My social studies class is no longer with Rykes. but Ms. Lane. With a frown, I eye Ruby, still sound asleep. This has to be Cade’s doing, and I don’t think she will find it endearing the way I do. Folding it up, I wonder when he slipped it here. A little early morning blackmail? My heart squeezes, wondering if he even slept, and guilt rests on my shoulders. I shouldn’t have sent him away, not in the state he was in.

Biting my lip, I grab my bag and give Ruby one last glance, hoping she doesn’t crucify the guy who has a chokehold on my heart, and then make my way out of our dorm and down the stairs.

Lamb Hall is eerily quiet, the dust motes stagnant in the early morning sun beams as I cross the common room. Everyone is still asleep, and I should have no trouble slipping into the woods. I just hope I have enough time to find Cade’s shack. But my hand shakes slightly when I reach for the doorknob, and a pit of unease buries itself in my stomach. The idea of wandering around the woods by myself has me frozen.

Surely, the maniac who chased me would be resting in a lair somewhere during the daylight, right? Demons only come out atnight. I convince myself of this, and then nod my head and push out.

But I only make it down one step before I notice a form sleeping against the base of the tree. With his head rolled forward, hood slipped back, my own demon is basked in sunlight, a contrast as striking as heaven clashing against hell. Cade’s dark hair is disheveled, pieces cutting over his closed eyes like talons, and his hands are tucked fitfully into the pockets of his hoodie.

I step lightly down the steps and quietly cross the grass, kneeling beside him. My heart cracks in slow motion as my eyes trace his face. In vulnerability, he’s nothing more than soft plains and unblemished skin. His lips are plush, black lashes striking, and his jaw could cut glass… but this demon, under all the guise, is really just a fallen angel.

My heart breaks as I tuck my legs under myself and sit.

I want to marvel at the way the sun accentuates his beauty, but am broken with realization. Circles so dark that they almost match his lashes grace his under eyes, and there’s a crease between his brows even though they are relaxed, signifying that whatever the stress is, it’s a constant for him.

I reach out a hand, desperate to smooth it away, but then stop. I don’t want to wake him. I don’t know how much sleep he’s gotten or how long he’s been out here, waiting for me. Because that’s the only reason he would be here, wouldn’t it? My heart does a little flip-flop as I look around at the empty quad. Despite the fact that the bed he keeps is in a rundown shack in the middle of the haunting woods, I still think it would be better than this. More comfortable. Safer.Warmer.

My fingers are already chilled, and I’m sure that an hour ago I would have been able to see my breath. Without thinking, I lean in and lay my head against his chest, curling my body into his side.

The world spins as I’m flipped onto my back in a flash, hitting the grass with a hard thud that knocks the air out of my lungs.

“It’s me,” I choke. “It’s me.” Cade’s hand is squeezing my throat so tightly that my eyes begin to water.

He has me pinned, one knee on each of my arms, and I can’t fight back even if I wanted to. The crazed look on his face tells me that would be a mistake anyway, and I go limp, letting him work through the fog of just waking up.

His eyes dart around the grounds as he grapples with something in his pocket. I watch with barely attained oxygen as his brows pinch in frustration when he comes up empty-handed. He shifts his weight and starts feeling around his ankle. And then the other one, looking for knives he doesn’t have.

“Cade…” I try as black dots start to blur my vision.

When he whips his gaze to mine, dread thumps in chest. Maybe I’ve made a mistake, maybe he isn’t going—His shoulders fall as recognition flashes in his eyes, and his grip loosens.

I suck in air as he lowers his forehead to mine.

“Sky. Jesus Christ, Sky.” His breath is warm on my face. “Fuck, I’m sorry.”

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