Page 47 of Soul of a Psycho

I stand and grab my shower caddy, going to the door. I can’t watch her cry at my words. I don’t like being mean. I really don’t, and I didn’t mean to sound so cruel, but I’m getting progressively worse at letting people get away with poking at me.

I slam the door, not sure if I’m angry at her or myself. I mean, it’s true she doesn’t know me, but is that my fault? I don’t speak up during lunch, never show my hand, and yes, I suppose in away I’ve kept Cade a secret, but not because I think he’s less than me. It’s because I don’t knowwhatto think of him. I could have told Ruby about when he took me for ice cream, but then I would have had to confess how it made me feel, or what it meant. And I didn’t know what it meant. I could have gabbed that we kissed, that he showed up in our room. But then he disappeared. And while I personally don’t care what people think, my father has ingrained it into me that if I tarnish my image, I have him to answer to.

Lana and Callie basically called Cade evil. Was I supposed to tell them I let him give me stitches? No matter how far away I am from my father, I’m still expected to be decorous.

Tears threaten in my eyes as I stomp into the showers. Will I still be like this even if I scrounge up the money my father stole from me? Will leaving the country and getting away from him really save me if I’m unable to be myself, not even sure whomyselfis? I grip the counter, afraid that for all my aspirations, it’s too late, that my molding is set in stone, and that Japan is just a faded dream now.

I haven’t been able to skim any cash being here, seeing as how there are no ATMs on campus, and I’ve only been able to get forty dollars cash back; From the one time I went into town with Cade. As desperately as I want to be free of my father, in a place where he can’t find me, I don’t think I can be homeless in a foreign country. I’m going to end up enrolled at Duke, studying political science, and trying but failing to keep those grades up while scouring away money from scratch.

Politics is the bane of my existence, and the culprit of more backhands than I can count. But I can’t absorb it. It’s like my mind shuts down when it hears anything about policy and law. It’s just more constraints, more suppression, more clenched fists looking for control. The people in that world wear masks ofdeception that never falter, and that’s the exact thing I want to get away from.

I want genuineness. Freedom. I don’t want to worry about how I come off, and I don’t want to be stuck under my father’s thumb anymore. I have to try harder to get the money.

Chapter Thirty-Three

Cade

It’s not late enough for the girls of Lamb Hall to be tucked into their beds, but I’ve had a day, to say the least, and all I care about is making sure Sky is safe. The anxiety that’s gnawed at me since the moment they drug me away from her has manifested into rage. I don’t have it in me to wait in the shadows. I need to see her.

Now.

I’m met with shrill gasps from a group of girls in the common room when I storm through the main doors. My hair and clothes are soaked from the torrent downpour outside, and my hood is low over my eyes. I assume I look exactly how I feel. Murderous, unhinged, and impatient.

I drip onto their plush red rug and tug my hood down, hoping to spot Sky amongst them. Whispers break out as they take me in, realizing I’m not a mass murderer.

At least,not yet.

I hear my name out of a few mouths, passed around like a scandal, but I don’t seek the source. I’m scanning for bronze hair, fair skin, and angel eyes. But the girls before me are all weak imitations.

I growl and stomp past them. Their whispers follow me up the stairs, but I don’t give a fuck what they think. They canspread their rumors or tell their housemother, but I’m seeing Sky.

With every step, my rage builds, and I start taking two at a time. What if she’s not in her room? What if he came for her while I was stuck with Rutherford and my mother? My boots rattle the iron spiral and clang around me like an omen.

I spent most of the forced dinner with my mother trying to figure out who would be sick enough to paint their face and go after Sky. Names flitted in between each of my mother’s fake bites. Bentley. Caleb. Henry. It was the only thing that distracted me from the way she finished every plate that was set in front of her. It was a show for my benefit, but I’m not stupid. We both knew where that meal was going to end up. And yet, she still had the audacity to lecturemeabout getting help.

It doesn’t matter though, that’s a war I gave up on a long time ago. The only thing that matters now is that Sky is safe in her room.

But when I push open her door, I’m met with an empty bed.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

Ruby Pelling gawks at me from her side of the room, like I’m crazy.

“Where’s Sky?”

“You can’t just barge in here.”

I’m already on edge, coupled with my hatred for Sky’s mean girl roommate, and any patience I had left evaporates.

“Where. Is. Sky?” I stalk across the room to tower over her.

I may not have been able to slice her throat before, but now my mind is just chaotic enough to do it. Fuck the mess, fuck the witnesses roaming the halls. I already have to worry about skull fucker. If I can eliminate Ruby, that’s one step closer to Sky enjoying her last year alive.

This juvenile cruelty ends now.

I whip out my knife.

The pupils of her scathing eyes go large, morphing into fear. Gone is the English snark she started with, the regret so potent I can taste it. I lick my lips. This is what I’m going to miss out on at graduation. No one will be the wiser that they are about to die. No one will look at me with regret. No one willfearme.

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