Page 45 of Soul of a Psycho

Never mind. I can’t do it.

Chapter Thirty-Two

Sky

Ruby has a textbook open, but hasn’t even glanced at it. Her phone is a dull background noise that buzzes and makes it impossible for me to study. There was no way I was going to the library, though. I’m still not over being chased in the woods. But if I’m being honest… the noise isn’t why I can’t study.

After Cade dragged me out of the social studies and into the empty hall, I saw a side of him that maybe… scared me. He put his fist through the wall, heaving and panting, tore at his hair and then threw the bench—that I’m pretty sure was bolted to the floor. It shattered and echoed down the corridor, skidding into pieces. He was a tornado of fury, emotions swirling so fast around him that I don’t think he was even aware of me, standing with my mouth agape.

I’ve never seen someone lose control like that. I’m sure my father wars with a similar temper, but he governs his actions with a stiff fist. He could never let himself unravel. And neither could I. I had to bottle it all up.

Watching Cade… Maybe it wasn’t him that scared me, but that I was scared of myself, and the way his disorder sent a thrill through me. He was free, unbound. Not a victim of his turmoil, but an active participant. How many times had I wished I couldreact like that? How many nights have I lost sleep, suffocating under my own bitterness, trapping everything I feel inside of me and pretending to be agood girl?

I slam my history book closed.

It’s crazy. I can’t ever act like that—shouldn’t even entertain the allure. Especially if I don’t want to get dragged away the way Cade did. It took three professors to subdue him, and even then he screamed and thrashed. It was awful watching him be hauled away. I wanted to lunge for him, thrash with him against his captures. But all I could do was try and soothe. The good girl in me winning and pleading for him to calm down.

It wasn’t until they tried to round a corner that he seemed to finally remember I existed. He yelled for me to go back to my room.

Stay in your room, Sky!

Wait for me!

I pull down the sleeves of his jacket and wrap them around my stomach, feeling guilty for not listening to him. There was no way I could skip an entire day’s classes. That would be unacceptable for the congressman’s daughter. Rain or shine, or evenappendicitis, I wasn’t allowed to look like a slacker.

But after my last class, I did come straight back to my dorm. Even without Cade’s plea, I didn’t want to risk being out and exposed. I know how stupid it is of me to not tell anyone what happened, but I just can’t open myself up to that again.

No one believed me about Chase. Who’s going to believe a story about a knife slinging, skull-faced guy hunting me in the woods? And honestly, I’m more worried about what my father would do with my claim than some weirdo lurking around campus. The congressman would have to make an appearance if his daughter experienced something so harrowing. It would be all mock concern while in company, but then pinches and sneersin the shadows. It would be called another embarrassment, another lie, another ploy to ruin his reputation.

I don’t want to go through that again. I already made that mistake once.

I sigh and fall back on my pillows. It should be fine not saying anything. As long as I stick to my classes and don’t venture off alone again, I shouldn’t have anything to be afraid of. I can do that.

But what I can’t do, what I’m really afraid of, is if Cade is expelled. Can his blackmail get him out of assaulting a teacher? That seems like pushing it. Will I never see him again? The weight that settles on my chest and feels unbearable. Especially after knowing what life without him feels like.

He’s a drug that hit my lungs that first day in the administration building. His presence alone drips a sweet substance that got me hooked at first sight. It was madness—torture—trying to exist when I knew the high that came in his company. I fear it will be even worse now.

I’m already craving him. Ready to brave another skull-faced run in the woods, if it means seeing him again. That’s how crazy he makes me. And I would do it too, if I thought Cade was anywhere on campus. But I don’t feel him. His ominous aura is quiet.

Too quiet.

I sigh again.

“Ugh,mygod.” The buzzing of Ruby’s phone suddenly quiets. “Will you spit it out?”

“What?” I bristle, swinging my head in her direction. “I’m just studying.”

“Yeah, if you call that studying, you might as well drop out now.”

I roll my eyes and make a show of dragging my book up.

“Just get it out,” she grumbles. “I permit you two minutes of venting and then you can stop stewing, and I can study in peace.”

I scoff. “You aren’t studying.”

“Thisishow I study.” She holds up her phone. “Now come on, everyone knows anyway.” She twists in her bed and lays her feet up against the wall.

I freeze. “Everyone knows what?”

---