Page 86 of Vicious Sentiments

I back up towards the door, not sure if I should listen to her. He may be acting like a child, but it’s unhinged and he’s not a child, he’s a man with male strength that just put three holes in the wall.

Margo nudges me back till I’m on the other side of the threshold, and the last thing I see before she clicks the door shut on me is Dillon burying his face on the floor and pounding his fist against it.

I’m frozen outside the door, and after a minute the pounding stops.

“Get up. You just made a mistake.” I hear Margo shuffling, followed by a sob. “We’ll pretend it never happened,” she says.

When all that’s left is quite sobbing, and I’m sure the situation has been diffused, I walk slowly back to my room, hand gripping my chest and a new worry unlocking itself.

Chapter Forty-Six

The whole day, the house has been so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Marney is still with a friend, and I haven’t seen Dillon.

I know that Margo is sitting out back only because I noticed her when I went looking for water. There was no breakfast and that was fine with me. I’m nothing but a bundle of nerves and I’m afraid to eat anything in case I get so scared again that I throw up.

But I am surprised that Margo didn’t make the spread she usually does. Even with Julian MIA, she still normally made breakfast. Whatever happened last night must have really unsettled her. I know it unsettled me. There were no more thuds, but I have a feeling that she didn’t get any sleep.

I struggled as well. Between checking my phone every five minutes and trying to remember what I read in the FBI folder about Dillon, I feel like a ghost of a person. I know he was on the max dose of some medications but I can’t remember what they were. But the display last night was clearly the result of an un-medicated individual.

I want to say that, with the level of control in Margo’s eyes, it’s nothing that hasn’t happened before, but their words didn’t make any sense. What mistake did he make? What was inappropriate? Did he sleep walk and he ended up in her room in his boxers? The idea makes me shudder and I can’t wait for Julian and Cape to get back. Ifthey take any longer, maybe I should get a lock for my door.

I’m back in the kitchen, my nervous energy having me up and down and all around the house trying to get rid of it. A walk on the beach would be nice but I’m too afraid that it might not be a good idea with everything going on.

I notice the top of Margo’s head outside the french doors and realize she’s been out there for hours now. I don’t want to bother her, god knows she has enough on her mind, but I’m going to lose mine if I have to do another solitary lap through the house.

I open the doors as quietly as I can and peek my head out. The sun is starting to set in a sad cast of blues and grays, and she’s staring at it as if she can see something past it.

I bite my lip and fidget my way out the door.

“Margo?” I breathe when she doesn’t notice me, not wanting to startle her.

She turns in confusion, her brows in a hard line of concentration and then her face softens when she realizes it’s me.

“I wondered when you would find me,” she says and pats the spot next to her. “Come sit.”

When I do, she goes back to staring out over the ocean and I relax, just glad to be not alone. After a moment, her hand finds mine and gives it a squeeze. The touch fills me with a comfort I didn’t know I was missing and I squeeze back.

If I could conjure up the perfect picture of the mother I never had, I think it would be Margo. She’s always warm and welcoming, and no matter the circumstances, she doesn’t lose her cool. I may have no idea what happened with Dillon but I know that eventually he’ll be back at the dinner table, and Margo won’t look at him any differently. The way she doesn’t look at me any differently than Marney, even though I was forced on her doorstep and had my dead dad on her kitchen floor.

She emanates a confidence that I only wish I could one day possess. She doesn’t flinch against the angry testosterone that fills her house and she doesn’t put up with any bullshit. She may have mentioned that when she was younger that her life wasn’t much different from mine, but I find it hard to believe. If she had as many broken pieces as me there’s no way she could be as strong as she is now. I’ve lost parts of myself that I won’t ever get back, how could I ever be as resilient as her if I’m not whole?

“The boys will be okay,” she says without looking at me and she says it with such conviction that I believe her.

After a moment, I start to feel guilty. She’s this rock for everyone, always having to diffuse situations and make decisions. Maybe shehasto speak with conviction to hold herself up.

“Cape is going to bring back Julian, and then Marney is going to make them dress up for Halloween,” I say, trying to cheer her up. “They can’t miss it or Marney will kill them herself.”

Margo’s cheeks rise and she makes a small huff of a laugh. “You’ve heard?” she asks me, and I nod.

“Oh, yeah. She wants them and Dillon to be the three big bad bears so she can be goldilocks.” The idea is so cute that just picturing it makes my cheeks hurt.

“You know she’s going to do those boys up and they aren’t going to be big and bad right? They are going to look like carebears.”

It’s my turn to laugh and I have to lean forward to clutch my rib. I miss how it feels to laugh though and I cherish it. I make a promise to myself to help Marney hold them down so she can get her wish. They just need to come home first.

When I finally get a hold of myself, Margo turns to look at me.

“Speaking of Dillon…” she starts.

---