Page 71 of Vicious Sentiments

“I typically make it a point not to hurt women,” he continues. “But if it comes down to them or us…” he trails off.

“I understand,” I repeat.

“Do you? Or does it make you afraid of me? Cause I would never hurt you.”

“I’m not afraid of you.”

“Then why do I get the idea you are lying.”

I pull away and look up at him, trying to will him to believe that I’m not afraid of him. It’s so the opposite in fact. I feel safer with him than I ever have. It’s just the woman’s name in my mind, helpless against him.

“I just feel like it’s not fair. How it was never fair for me. She couldn’t protect herself against you… It just wasn’t a fair fight.”

“You’re concerned with thefairnessof it?” I watch as he tries to tamper down an amused twitch in his lip. “Sweetheart, I don’t think anyone who goes against me has itfair.”

I can’t help it when my own lip twitches, and he pulls me back against him.

“That a girl. Don’t worry about it right now. Just rest. I’ll bring you something to eat. I think there’s something sweet down there that I can rummage up.”

“I think I’m okay.”

“I’ll get you something anyways,” he says and kisses me on the forehead.

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Ihaven’t left the bedroom for three days and I’m disappointed in myself. I really want to be strong and resilient but I just can’t bring myself to go into the kitchen. I know it’s probably spotless but just knowing forms a knot in my stomach. What if I’m not cut out to stay here? If I don’t have it in me will I rot in this bed till eventually Julian becomes sick of me and I end up me against them? It’s a vicious thought, one I don’t believe but dwell on anyways.

I also don’t want to run into Dillon. Julian made it clear that Dillon isn’t to know, and I wonder if that has anything to do with what Cape said. Theonlything I’ve heard Cape say since he saved me. What if Dillon can see it on my face? What if he uses it against me, twists the knife and tells me he told me so? I couldn’t bear it right now.

Besides Julian bringing me food and staying each night in the chair, I have only seen Marney. She snuck in yesterday while Julian went to ‘check on somethings’.

“I’m not supposed to be in here,” she said but she smiled like the idea was fun.

I told her it was okay, and she sat on the bed with me asking question after question about birthday stuff until Julian caught her, and she flew out of the room like a hummingbird. Thankfully, it seemed she had no idea about what happened and was considerate enough not to ask. Surely, that had to be Margo warning her against pesteringme. But honestly, her company was nice and normal, if not for the extravagant ideas she has for my birthday, making me nervous.

On the first night, I did hear Margo chastise Julian outside my door about sleeping in my room but she quickly let it go when he claimed extenuating circumstances. Otherwise, the only thing I’ve heard from Margo is when Julian relayed that she thought I should have another pain pill. Which I took even though I didn’t want the loopy state it put me in, just to get rid of the pain in my side.

My jaw isn’t so bad, though it is bruised. It wasn’t until last night that I realized it was the fist to my face that put me on the floor. It came so fast that I didn’t even think to block like Cape had shown me.

The back of my head is tender, but I suppose if I had a concussion I would have died by now. It’s odd how all these ailments feel so tortuous now when I used to deal with them on a daily basis. It was just a constant state, and the few short weeks of bliss have softened me to feeling every ache.

I stretch out in the bed and then quickly fold myself back into the fetal position, letting myself sink in and hide. Julian isn’t here right now, but I think I’m okay. I can’t expect him to stay holed up in here with me forever. He has a whole complicated business to run, which I’ve learned he’s taken on with grace.

There isn’t a TV in the room, and a whole lot of talking has been happening. He told me that everything used to be evenly split between Cape and him after his father passed, but that stopped when Madison died. I tried to ask what happened to Madison but he said it wasn’t his business to tell. I was too ashamed to ask what happened to Luca, his father, even though I desperately wanted to know. I just don’t understand how he was shot, and if that same fate could happen to Julian.

Suddenly, the bedroom door swings open, and taking up the wholeframe is Cape’s wide shoulders. My heart hits my stomach and I scramble to sit up.

I haven’t heard him in the house and Julian hasn’t brought him up at all. I nervously back up against the headboard and then regret it when a flicker of hurt hits his eyes.

He’s dressed as he always is, to kill, no pun intended, and looks just as he had when he bandaged my hands. The annihilation version of him that I witnessed when he beat my dad is tucked away somewhere deep inside. I try to uncoil as his eyes scan the room, not wanting him to think I’m afraid of him.

He makes a face at the bed that is clearly the place I haven’t left and then at the half nibbled plate of food on the nightstand. My appetite is completely shot and back to its shrunken size that I used to live on.

He comes in and stomps past me into the bathroom. With my brows raised, I try to peer in but I can’t see past the edge of the counter. I don’t make to move though. He didn’t offer me to follow and maybe he just needs something, though the only things in there are the girly products Julian bought me.

I’m surprised when I hear the bath water start running and then a clatter like bottles falling over. I’m so curious but I have no idea how things are between us. Is he mad at me that I couldn’t protect myself? That he had to do what he did for me? Am I just weak in his eyes now or is he going to make a joke? I have no idea and I suddenly feel very unprepared to break whatever ice we’ve been skating on.

I lean back into the bed, wishing I had a few more days to hide before I needed to think about this. Maybe Margo tasked him with cleaning the bathroom? But then I have to stop myself from snorting. I can’t see Cape cleaning the bathtub. Although if he was, that might be something I want to see.

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