Page 62 of Vicious Sentiments

Marney giggles as I grimace up at Julian.

He sighs, “Well, that was a start.”

After another ten minutes, I got us out of the driveway and onto the street. I’m cruising at a nice five miles per hour while Julian tries to explain the blinker, lights, and windshield wipers. I have no clue what he’s saying though, all my concentration is on the steering wheel and keeping us on the right side of the road.

From the rear-view mirror, I see a car come up behind me and my hands tighten on the wheel.

“Ignore them. They can go around.” Julian puts a hand on my thigh, reassuring me.

I nod and continue my snail crawl, and after a moment, the car zips around me. Feeling a little better, I listen to Julian when he says to go a little faster.

We make it to the end of the street and Julian instructs me how to make a U-turn. When I ace it smoothly, I find myself smiling, enjoying myself.

“Is that a smile?” Julian pokes me in the side, and I swerve a little, the smile falling off my face. He laughs like it’s not a big deal.

If I was in an open field in an old truck with someone like Kyle, I wouldn’t be so worried. But I have Marney in the backwatching videos on her phone, and Julian who I would never forgive myself if injured. Kyle on the other hand, I might have purposely ran us into a tree. If it killed us both, it would have been worth it.

I go up and down the street a few times, and at this point I give in to Julian’s urging to turn down a different road. It’s a short curve and I freeze up when I realize we’ve come to a stop sign before a busy road. Cars whiz past and my palms start to sweat.

“Turn on your blinker.”

Absently, I flick it to the right.

“Good. When it’s clear you just turn.”

“Julian, I don’t know about this…”

“You got this. I trust you.”

My gaze travels to the rear view mirror, looking at Marney who is oblivious. Does she trust me? Because I don’t trust me.

“It’s clear,” Julian says, pulling me back to the road in front of me.

I lean forward in my seat, craning my neck to see a car coming five hundred feet away.

“You can make it,” he adds.

But what if I don’t? I want to listen to him. I want to believe what he’s saying, and believe in myself, but what about Marney?

I don’t turn, letting the car reach us and go by. Other cars appear, making the turn impossible now. I frown.

“It’s fine. We can sit here till you’re ready.” He gives my thigh a squeeze.

And we do sit there. Every time the cars thin and an opportunity presents itself, I can’t bring myself to take my foot off the brake. There’s always a car coming, even if it is far enough away to safely make the turn.

After a bit, Julian has me nudge forward, the wheels edging past the sidewalk. I’m going to do it. I really am. I crane my neck, hands tight on the wheel, and wait for a singular car. When it passes I don’tmove.

Fuck. And now there’s more cars.

“I can’t do it.”

“You can. There’s no rush.”

I nod. Determined to do it at the next opportunity, but then a car pulls up behind me. A little red sports car with a man behind the wheel and a bluetooth in his ear.

Shit.

I lick my lips, trying to quell my dry mouth. I’m too far out to make a U-turn now and I have to make the right.

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