Page 54 of Vicious Sentiments

With a pent up vengeance, I do just that. I lean down to the right and jam my elbow at him, a satisfied smirk already on my face.

But then my mouth falls open and I’m squealing in pain. It’s like I hit my elbow against concrete.

“Ow. What the fuck.” I cry but he doesn’t let go. All I want to do is rub my funny bone that feels like it got shattered but I can’t reach my other arm around.

He chuckles. “For the record, that wasn’t me being mean.”

I screech, thrashing against his grip, seething and spitting. I don’t want to do this. I’ve been held down my whole life. Why is he torturing me?

“I hate you!” Rage bubbles inside of me. Again, I’m at a man’s mercy and I know all too well that they don’t have any.

“Oh, now you’re angry?”

“Why are you doing this?!” I stomp and try to jump out of his arms, failing and then lifting up my feet, sinking my weight onto his arms. I hang from his grip like a rabbit in a cruel toddlers grasp.

“Why am I doing this?” something in his voice has changed, it’s sharp and calculated. He somehow grips tighter, jostling me. “Because you need to know how to survive.”

“I know how to survive!” I spit, hair sticking to my face.

“No. You know how to play possum.” His lips come down to my ear. “Are you going to wait till you’re dead to get angry? Fight!”

“I am!” I thrash, throwing my measly weight against him, thinking I can make him fall backwards, but it’s like he’s mounted to the floor.

“You’re panicking and maybe if you listened to me you would knowwhat to do.”

Angry tears burn my eyes. I don’t know what he wants me to do. He’s clearly stronger than me. There’s no way to get free. He’s right when he says I play possum. It’s easier. Easier than this, easier than letting the fury take hold of me and being too weak to expel it.

“You have to turn your disadvantages into advantages.”

“Why do you care?” I wriggle but I’m losing stamina.

“I don’t need another death on my hands.”

I still, panting. Another on top of the thirty he’s suspected of, or another like Madison?

“Julian thinks he can protect you but he can’t. You need to be able to save yourself. You need to know how to fight, how to escape, so you can come home, so you can live,” he’s ranting but his voice is far away. “So Julian doesn’t have to know what it feels like to lose someone he loves. So he doesn’t end up like me.”

He releases me and I fall to my knees, not realizing I was letting him hold me up.

“Let’s do it again,” he roars. “Get up.” He turns his back on me, waiting for my obedience.

As much as my knees are singing in pain, and as angry as I am that they are going to bruise, I stand up and push my hair back.

He’s not doing this to hurt me, he’s doing this to protect his brother. Even if he’s going about it all wrong. At least he knows he’s fucked up in the head.

I sigh and wrap my arms around him.

For the next hour he demonstrates how to escape with a series of moves that leave me winded and sore. I can’t tell how much of the sweat on my body is mine or his. In one way or another our bodies have been pressed together, whether that be him holding me from behind, pinning me on the ground, or me climbing on his back.

I did in fact slip off, but surprisingly, he caught me before I couldshatter my hip and hoisted me back up, looping an arm around my waist. He didn’t flinch when I had to use my nails to hold on and he didn’t laugh when I wormed away on the marble as he scrambled for my ankle. He even encouraged me, saying,whatever it takes.

We’re finally back in the original position and his chest is heaving against my back.

“The whole thing now,” he reminds me. “Just uh… go easy on my balls.”

I smile wickedly. The endorphins in my blood have me flying high and I can’t make any promises.

I dive down and pierce him with my elbow, quickly twisting and stomping on his foot. His body shifts to flow with my actions even though I’m sure I’m not actually hurting him. His movement gives me the opportunity to whip a palm at his face and then on a roll, I’m able to grab his shoulders and shove my knee between his legs.

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