Page 34 of Vicious Sentiments

It may seem wrong, stupid, and naive of me to want his embrace, to entertain the idea of being with him, but am I supposed to be with someone my age? Another seventeen-year-old who can’t comprehend what I’ve been through? The only thing on his mind; what college he’s going to go off to. Peppy and full of hope, while I rot beside him, ten lifetime’s worth of pain bearing down on me. How am I supposed to relate to that?

I sink into Julian, letting myself not worry about how much older he is and how stupid that makes me look.

If I’m being honest though, even Julian doesn’t seem weathered enough, broken down enough. But Cape, he may have tried to deflect, but I could see the same shattered pieces in him that I see in myself. And even more unsettling is that he’s older than Julian. Is mynormalolder men? Condemned to them by growing up faster than I should have?

Julian rests his chin on my head and I can feel the vibration of his voice on my cheek that’s against his chest when he speaks. “Is there anything you want, anything at all? Let me do something for you.”

I want to tell him that there’s nothing he can do, nothing he can give me or buy me that will make me less broken, but instead I just shake my head and grip tighter onto him. I let myself have the one thing that’s brought me comfort and resist feeling wrong for it.

“Gee, I don’t think you’ve ever been here this much.” Margo appears at the door.

I try to jump from Julian’s arms but he snares me like a wild rabbit, clutching me against him.

“That’s not true,” he says, turning us around.

“Uh huh.” Margo rolls her eyes and then focuses on me. “Listen, we have about one minute before Marney catches up. Do you really want to go to the recital, because if not I can tell her there are no seats left.”

“Um… I mean…”

“Today, Peach.”

“I don’t mind going, but if the seats cost money then I’d rather not.” I spit out.

She waves a hand through the air. “The money’s for a good cause. I just need to know if you want to sit through an hour of twirling tutu’s.”

“I—”

“Get us both a seat, Ma,” Julian interrupts me.

Margo drags her eyes to Julian and puts her hands on her hips. “You’ve never wanted to sit through twirling tutu’s.”

He shrugs. “It’s for a good cause.” He gives her words back to her.

“Uh huh.” She glares at him before Marney comes running in and slips under her elbow.

“She wants to go! She told me!” Marney says, wide eyed.

“I was just checking.” Margo puts her hands up in surrender.

“So you’re coming?” Marney spins to me and I glance up at Julian.

“We both are,” he says.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Margo and Marney have to be at the venue two hours before the scheduled show, which leaves me with no choice but to let Julian take me shopping. When I tried to protest, even Margo backed him up, saying that I needed something to wear to the recital.

A devilish grin appears on his face as he holds out his wallet to me in the car, one hand on the wheel. When I don’t immediately take it, he sighs.

“Every cent, of every bill, on every card, in this wallet, is free money.” He continues to hold it up. “I have everything I need. You can spend without worry.”

When I still don’t take it, he takes his eyes off the road, focusing on me, sincerity in his tone. “I want you to.”

And when I still don’t take it, he laughs. “I see I’m having trouble convincing you, but I’ve been biting my tongue here. Maybe the truth will get through to you.” His eyes darken as they focused on the road. “Watching you spend money, using my wallet, is as close as I can get right now to fucking you.”

My stomach flip flops as I sit there, stunned, my mind trying to catch up. Typically Julian keeps so reserved, but after a moment I snatch the wallet from his hand. I have never wanted any man before, and yet the idea of him inside me excites me. I’m just not sure how tofeel about it or go about it. If holding his wallet is close to that, then I’m down.

But now I’m second guessing my decision. Every store we go into along the line of boutiques has price tags in the triple digits and up. The current one I’m standing in is one that Julian recommended.For fun,he said.

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