Page 16 of Vicious Sentiments

“Maybe when we get back?” I try to appease Marney.

“Noooo. I have to see how it looks and your hair is all done. It will be perfect.”

I start to protest when Mipsy speaks up. “You can change in the lounge area. We are about to closeup, so it’s just us.”

Outnumbered, I make my way to the space with a curved couch and dripping crystal lights and pull on the heavy velvet privacy curtain. I toss the tee-shirt Margo gave me to wear and my tattered shorts into the shopping bag and pull out the silky dress.

As I stand in my bra and underwear, I realize that there is no way the undergarments are going to fit under the revealing fabric.

I take a deep breath and take them off, slipping the dress over my bare body and then tucking my freshly pedicured toes into the heels.

I don’t even get a second to look in the mirror before Marney pulls back the privacy curtain and squeals.

“Oh, my god! You are so pretty! My boobs are never going to be as big as yours. You sure you never had a boob job?” she asks for the third time. “Because I will get one the second I turn eighteen.”

“Trust me, it would have been better for me if I didn’t have them,” I say and immediately regret it. She’s only thirteen and clearly hasn’t been exposed to the things I have.

Marney throws herself on the cushions. “As if. I can’t get any boy to look at me. Kristin’s boobs are almost as big as yours and every boy wants to talk to her.”

“That’s not always a good thing,” I say despite myself as I turn to look in the mirror.

I see all the reasons why it’s not always a good thing all over my body. The dress hides my rib but it can’t cover up the finger marks on my arms or the tatter of bruises up my leg, especially the nasty yellowing one near my hip where the slit parts.

But I can also appreciate my hair and dress and the way I don’t mind seeing myself in the mirror for once in my life. Something about the dress’s deep shade of blue makes my eyes pop, and the glossy hair shines so brightly that I can overlook my riddled body and see myself for once.

And I look good, irresistible even.

The second I think it, I regret it. I don’t want to be irresistible. I want guys to be able to control themselves around me. But now, taking myself in, I can see what I have been blinded to. No wonder men look at me and take what they want.

I look down at the heels, their arches giving me a good two inches, and if I wanted to wear this outfit, at least the heels could stab anyone who tried to touch me. The thought surprises me. I’ve never fought back but something about my reflection… I want to look like this, feel like this… pretty. And I want it without repercussions.

“Wow.”

I startle and look up to see Julian in the mirror. I immediately cast my head down and let my hair fall forward.

His shoes appear in front of me. “You’re hiding your face again.”

I look up despite my blush and am surprised that I still have to tilt my neck to see him.

“Did you pick out this dress?”

Marney sits up. “I did. Isn’t it gorgeous?”

Julian smiles and looks me up and down, his eyes lingering on the slit. “Not as gorgeous as the girl wearing it.”

I feel a heat rise between my legs and I can’t stop myself from snorting.

Suddenly his hand is on my waist and he’s pulled me closer.

“You don’t think so?” his voice is playful but there’s a touch of sadness.

The concern again embarrasses me and I hang my head. He sighs before Margo appears with a bag on her arm.

“I can’t even get a massage for one minute. Where did you come from?” She looks at Julian.

“Ma,” Julian’s tone changes and he turns but he doesn’t let go of my waist.

“The dress looks good on you though.” Margo winks at me.

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